A little help for the ladies!!!

[The Ranger]

Dating Gym Bunnies


I must say, Stretch and I have had our fill of dating local Gym Bunnies. They have to be the hardest creatues on earth to understand, why God put them here is still beyond the both of us. They've even started calling us " Milk-men " simply because each one that we date, puts an expiration date on the realtionship.

So, Stretch and I have decided to help our fellow Iron Brothers from making the same mistakes we have made. If our advice contained in this top secret report helps one failing realtionship, we have achieved our ultimate goal.

Ranger and Stretch's Guide To Dating Gym Bunnies:

The Top 30:


1. All Iron Brother's only see in 12 different colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color!

2. If you don't dress in Spandex at the gym, or something from Victoria's Secrets when we go out, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys!

3. If you think you're holding to much fat pre-contest, you probally are. Don't ask us. Guys, never answer this question! Change the subject by asking them about Peach Colored shirts.

4. Birthday's, Anniversaries, and Valentines Day are not a quest for us to find the perfect gift. Our wisdom has taught us that lifting gloves, and chalk do not qualify as " perfect " gifts!

5. If you ask a question about training and diet you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you really don't want to hear!

6. When we lift, we're not thinking about you. Live with it! If you ask us what we're thinking, expect answers about max reps, myoplex, nitro-tech, and what Ronnie Coleman does for back day.

7. Sunday=Sports!! Let this one be.

8. Shopping for new Aerobic shoes does not count as a sport. It never will, and we refuse to think of it that way.

9. Other than the gym, if we have to go somewhere. Anything you wear will be fine....Really!

10. Crying about weight gain is blackmail!

11. Ask for what you want: Lets be very clear on this one, subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just spit it out!

12. No, we don't know what day it is. Unless it's arms and chest day, leg day, deadlift day...etc. Mark all important dates on the calendar.

13. Peeing while standing up after heavy deadlifts is difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. Deal with it!

14. Most Iron Brothers own 3 pair of shoes. We cannot pick one pair out of thirty that will look good in your Pilates Class. Don't ever ask that again.

15. Yes, and No are excellent answers to all our questions.

16. Come to us with a problem only if you want our help in solving it. Sympathy is what other Gym Bunnies are for!

17. Headaches and sore muscles from Areobics Class that last 12 months is a major problem. Go see a doctor.

18. Foreign love films are best left to foreign countries. Unless it has Arnold in it, or war, and Bruce Lee movies are an exception as well.

19. Love Quiz's...It's in neither your best interest, or ours to take one of these together!

20. Anything we said 6 months ago does not count in an argument. All comments made after heavy deadlift day become null and void in 24 hours.

21. We're going to ogle other Spandex wearing Gum Bunnies, let us do it. We cannot help this act, it's genetic, and there is no known cure for this.

22. Please respect our quite moments. Say whatever you have to say during commercial breaks....We thank you on this one.

23. Chalk is as exciting to us, as matching sport tops are to you.

24. If we ask what's wrong, and you say nothing. We will act like nothing is wrong and continue our workout.

25. We know when you tell a little white lie about your weight and body fat percentage...it's just not worth the hassel.

26. We grunt. It's what we do, if the door is closed and we're grunting...don't knock!

27. You have plenty of workout clothes, and too many shoes, don't tell us you have nothing to wear.

28. We compare ourselves to other Iron Brothers, the same way you compare yourself to other Gym Bunnies. We go up and ask advice from them, you pick their bones clean.

29. Brad Pitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio are not ripped. We hate to burst this fantasy...Deal with it!

30. Extra protein we take in has certain side effects. We cannot always be discreet. Practice holding your breath, this will also benefit you in areobics class. So in a way, we're doing this to help you.


It is Stretch and Ranger's wishes that this be cut out, and placed where every Gym Bunny can see it. It could, one day, help all our Iron Brothers in realtionship issues.

Stretch and I thank you,

I suspect I will not only catch hell for this one, but ultimately end up there....heh heh heh heh

Ranger

 

[Temple]

You see there is a difference between a gym bunny and an iron sister - irons sister's know these things with perhaps the exception of the peach issue and the shoes issue. I for one do NOT have too many shoes.

 

[ann]

Well put Temple....... I for one, am an Iron Sister, ..... and you had best learn to hold YOUR breath, while in my presence

 

[NubianBeauty]

Well put Temple....... I for one, am an Iron Sister, ..... and you had best learn to hold YOUR breath, while in my presence

 

[GymBunny]

It has occurred to THIS GymBunny that perhaps Ranger and Stretch are in need of a little guidance themselves:

The Top 30:


1. All Iron Brother's only see in 12 different colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color!

We GymBunnys realize that ALL you brothas are colorblind so unless we want to look like we got dressed in the dark, we know waaaaay better than to ask.

2. If you don't dress in Spandex at the gym, or something from Victoria's Secrets when we go out, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys!

Spandex? Hello!… The Eighties are waaaaaay over… this is the new millenium (has been for awhile now… get a clue my brotha. Have you not heard of cotton/lycra? And as for Victoria’s Secret…. CHECK!… Now what is your excuse?!

3. If you think you're holding to much fat pre-contest, you probally are. Don't ask us. Guys, never answer this question! Change the subject by asking them about Peach Colored shirts.

If I want to an honest I will ask my training partner: another GymBunny that can kick 99% of you brothas’ asses so there is no need for discussion here. And by the way, you can wipe the drool off of your chin and pick your jaw up off the ground at any time you feel comfortable Sugarplumb.

4. Birthday's, Anniversaries, and Valentines Day are not a quest for us to find the perfect gift. Our wisdom has taught us that lifting gloves, and chalk do not qualify as " perfect " gifts!

Ah ye font of wisdom… if you TRULY took the time to understand and get to know us GymBunnys you would have KNOWN that gloves and chald DO QUALIFY…. Just don’t bitch and moan when you get a renewal to Muscle and Fitness along with a 5# tub of George’s Triple Threat for whichever occasion applies. Feel free to fill in the blank here because unless we are seriously ill we will be AT THE GYM REGARDLESS OF THE OCCASION. As for the peach shirt thing, refer to rule #1. Is this simple enough for you, or was I typing to quickly?

5. If you ask a question about training and diet you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you really don't want to hear!

Simple here too, refer to rule # 4. (I typed more slowly this time because I saw the glazed look of a deer in headlights when I was typing rule # 4.)

6. When we lift, we're not thinking about you. Live with it! If you ask us what we're thinking, expect answers about max reps, myoplex, nitro-tech, and what Ronnie Coleman does for back day.

Guess what? We ain’t thinkin’ about ya none NEITHER… the only thing which we may be thinking during a lift in addition to the veins bulging on our foreheads is MAYBE to tuck our lifting partner’s thong back into her pants as her glutes are now so developed from years of ass-to-the-floor squats that NO PANTS will fit properly REGARDLESS of whatever new fabric the garment industry has developed…. They didn’t do it with us GymBunnys in mind, so it most likely DON’T facilitate enough give to cover our immense rock hard asses.

7. Sunday=Sports!! Let this one be.

Sunday=Gym, tanning, and shopping. Ditto. DO NOT BITCH ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY I SPENT NEITHER. WHEN YOU LOOK THIS FREAKING GOOD – THERE SHOULD BE NO LIMIT TO HOW MUCH I AM TO SPEND ON ACCESORIZING! As long as I ain’t grabbin’ at the remote, watch the tube and drool happily…. Unless, of course, I want mind-blowing sex. Then it is YOUR DUTY to give it to me in such a fashion that the neighbors can hear me thanking Jesus. Are we clear? Thought so.

8. Shopping for new Aerobic shoes does not count as a sport. It never will, and we refuse to think of it that way.

Aerobics shoes?…WTF?! Thongs, 7” acrylic heels, naughty undergarments and clothing so tight it looks as if it was painted on is more to the liking of a GymBunny Sport… Yes, finding such items at a discount can truly be labeled as BLACK BELT SHOPPING. And if there is no sale – THEN DEAL… refer to rule # 7. This time I went E-X-T-R-A S-L-O-W as the glaze may have disapated a bit, but the drool was flowing with equal fervor.

9. Other than the gym, if we have to go somewhere. Anything you wear will be fine....Really!

Refer to rule # 7. If you have a problem with ANY of the items mentioned there, then there is something wrong with YOU.

10. Crying about weight gain is blackmail!

True GymBunnys (such as myself) spend more time crying about NOT gaining. Where you been hanging?

11. Ask for what you want: Lets be very clear on this one, subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just spit it out!

This one is really where I have to shake my head and cluck my tongue…. GymBunnys ARE KNOW FOR THERE NO-BULLSHIT, THIS-IS-EXACTLY-WHAT-I-WANT-AND-NEED CANDOR. Yet, somehow you brothas STILL manage to drop the ball. Are we not speaking slowly and concisely enough?

12. No, we don't know what day it is. Unless it's arms and chest day, leg day, deadlift day...etc. Mark all important dates on the calendar.

We GymBunnys DO MARK all the important days on the calendar: Chest, tris and abs, Quads and calves, Shoulders and abs, Back, bis and calves, Hammies…and of course THE ONLY REAL IMPORTANT DAYS ARE THE DAYS OFF… ALL GymBunnys KNOW THAT YOU GROW WHEN YOU REST.

13. Peeing while standing up after heavy deadlifts is difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. Deal with it!

We GymBunnys deal with it quite nicely. We simply hand our big he-man iron brothas rubber gloves with the bleach so the “harsh chemicals” won’t damage their delicate cuticles.
14. Most Iron Brothers own 3 pair of shoes. We cannot pick one pair out of thirty that will look good in your Pilates Class. Don't ever ask that again.

What the HELL is a Pilates Class?

15. Yes, and No are excellent answers to all our questions.

You mean that you iron brothas don’t like it if we stare off into space and have our thoughts drift to Arnold in “Conan the Barbarian” or perhaps to Arnold again in that opening scene from “Red Heat” where he was wrestling some dude in the snow wearing nothing but a loin cloth or Arnold in the scene in “Terminator” where he comes to earth and is VOID of clothing (notice pattern forming here)….as you are going on and on about why we didn’t have the oil changed in the car? Sorry, but a GymBunny can not be held responsible for these episodes. It isn’t that what you are saying isn’t important to us. It is just that us GymBunnys have blood coursing through our veins and have certain “needs”. Please deal.

16. Come to us with a problem only if you want our help in solving it. Sympathy is what other Gym Bunnies are for!

If we GymBunnys have a problem we KNOW better than to consult with the likes of mere mortal brothas such as yourselves. We would ONLY consult with our training partner – refer to # 3.

17. Headaches and sore muscles from Areobics Class that last 12 months is a major problem. Go see a doctor.

What is an aerobics class? The only aerobics activities a GymBunny would engage in requires ONLY TWO participants… if you are VERY LUCKY and WELL-BEHAVED and VERY GOOD AT FACILITATING US GIVE PRAISE TO GOD ALMIGHTY… THEN THIS MAY INCLUDE YOU.

18. Foreign love films are best left to foreign countries. Unless it has Arnold in it, or war, and Bruce Lee movies are an exception as well.

A GymBunny would know better than to make an iron brotha such as yourself and stretch sit through a film with subtitles. We know how much of a strain HAVING TO READ WORDS THAT ARE SOMEWHAT QUICKLY PRINTED ON A SCREEN CAN BE FOR YOU…. See, we ain’t so bad afterall. We would go with our training partner and leave you with your brothas and the remote… boob tube is more your speed Sugarplumb and it is all good. We can accept you with all of your shortcomings!… as long as you can lick the kitty properly we can leave the mental stimulation up to our training partner. She may be good, but she don’t have the proper equipment to fulfill ALL of our needs. That is sometimes THE ONLY reason we give you iron brothas the time of day. Oh and, thank you, but because of years of training I can take out my own trash.

19. Love Quiz's...It's in neither your best interest, or ours to take one of these together!

Unless these quizes are in IronMan or Muscle and Fitness we won’t be seein’ ‘em so we won’t be takin’ ‘em.

20. Anything we said 6 months ago does not count in an argument. All comments made after heavy deadlift day become null and void in 24 hours.

Refer back to rule # 18. We GymBunnys DO realize and accept your limited mental capabilities. Remember, a happy kitty is a willing kitty! MEOW!

21. We're going to ogle other Spandex wearing Gum Bunnies, let us do it. We cannot help this act, it's genetic, and there is no known cure for this.

If a spandex-wearin’ Gym Bunny is what you like to oogle – GO FOR IT! But then again, you won’t mind when we oogle the sweaty, grunting 6’4, 240# brothas who are bleeding from old callouses form by years of heavy deads and ass-to-the-floor squats… will you? Yes, perspiration, bulging veins and crazy pumps amidst the cloud of chalk dust just does something to a GymBunny…. This is on the X-chromosome and we can not be held responsible.

22. Please respect our quite moments. Say whatever you have to say during commercial breaks....We thank you on this one.

The only thing a REAL GymBunny should be saying during commercial breaks is, “Thank You, JESUS!”…. and I ain’t talkin’ about no church talk, neither!

23. Chalk is as exciting to us, as matching sport tops are to you.

To see what excites us Refer to # 21.

24. If we ask what's wrong, and you say nothing. We will act like nothing is wrong and continue our workout.

A REAL GymBunny would know not to disturb an iron brotha during an intense workout. Why on EARTH would YOU DISTURB OURS?! Especially, if it concerns a matter of importance? Don’t you know that is what our training partner and the locker room is for?

25. We know when you tell a little white lie about your weight and body fat percentage...it's just not worth the hassel.

Refer to rule # 3. A REAL GymBunny would NEVER lie about such a thing as SHE KNOWS that the mirror doesn’t lie either!

26. We grunt. It's what we do, if the door is closed and we're grunting...don't knock!

We grunt too… or are you so busy drooling at our rock hard glutes to notice? Or maybe it is the deafening screams during the time that we are giving thanks? If it is the latter, then your ignorance is excused, otherwise wipe the drool from you chin and pick your jaw up off the floor whenever you feel comfortable Sugarplumb.

27. You have plenty of workout clothes, and too many shoes, don't tell us you have nothing to wear.

GymBunnys do NOT care if an iron brotha finds her to be attractive while she is in the gym. She is there to train – NOT pick up. So if we don’t have our hair all done and are totally void of makeup, we are wearin’ ratty sweats and the veins are bulging out of our foreheads then perhaps you need to look the other way. Believe me brotha, it won’t hurt our feelins’ none.

28. We compare ourselves to other Iron Brothers, the same way you compare yourself to other Gym Bunnies. We go up and ask advice from them, you pick their bones clean.

A GymBunny compares herself to no one. She is secure in who and what she is. She is only in competition with herself and believe me when I say this my brotha – THE COMPETITION IS STIFF!

29. Brad Pitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio are not ripped. We hate to burst this fantasy...Deal with it!

QUE? WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY?!

30. Extra protein we take in has certain side effects. We cannot always be discreet. Practice holding your breath, this will also benefit you in areobics class. So in a way, we're doing this to help you.

As long as you all recognize the fact that a GymBunny NEVER farts… we will be cool.

It is Stretch and Ranger's wishes that this be cut out, and placed where every Gym Bunny can see it. It could, one day, help all our Iron Brothers in realtionship issues.

Stretch and I thank you,

I suspect I will not only catch hell for this one, but ultimately end up there....heh heh heh heh

Hell? No, no baby… if iron brothas such as yourself and stretch are fortunate enough to EVER MEET and then TO CAPTURE THE HEART of A TRUE GymBunny, might I suggest YOU PRINT THIS OUT and KEEP IT WHERE IT WILL NOT BE LOST… as you brothas tend to be a little bit slow…. A small price to pay for admission to heaven, wouldn’t you say?

GymBunny

 

[ann]

I bet you have let some nasty ones rip NUB while sucking down them protein shakes Hone up to em honey.

 

[The Ranger]

GymBunny.....I do believe Stretch and I are in LOVE!!!

Ranger

 

[Bikini Mod]

Hmmmmmmmm, seems to me Ranger/Stretch that the woman of your dreams is RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSES.....

GymBunny.... what do YOU think? Is The Ranger or Stretch an Iron Brotha whose SHIT you could tolerate? I mean, I hear that he is a ROYAL PAIN in THE ASS.... but in a good way, if ya' know what I mean...

 

[Texas Guns]

I am just rolling with laughter at the irony!!!

Ranger, you are Stretch sound like people I would love to work out with!! Except you will have to drool over gymbunnies all by yourselves as I will be too busy kickin' ass on the squat rack!!

Other than that, if you hear moaning and groaning, the door is ALWAYS open!!!

hehehehe

Mrs. TG

 

[The Ranger]

Jesus H. Christ....I'm laughing, and Stretch is drooling and blushing at the same time....WHEW!!!!

Ranger