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I like #2 and #7 the best. 
TOP 8 MORONS OF 2004
>
>1 WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
>Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
>He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not
>Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>
>2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent
>two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
>inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
>discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
>shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
>
>3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
>kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different
>automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to
>withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
>
>4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and
>asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was
>too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter
>himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
>
>5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
>robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
>When detectives asked each man in the lineup to! Repeat the words:
>"Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not
>what I said!"
>
>6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone:
>"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
>apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!"! The man
>shouted, "This is her husband!"
>
>7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven
>Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
>branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate
>a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
>(hellooooooo)!
>
>8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located
>in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks,
>new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they
>tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was
>very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power t
>hey applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
>putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to
>tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
>everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the
>out-drive went up and ! down, and the propeller was the correct size
>and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
>underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
>(NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.)
>
>Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
TOP 8 MORONS OF 2004
>
>1 WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
>Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
>He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not
>Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>
>2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent
>two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
>inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
>discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
>shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
>
>3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
>kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different
>automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to
>withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
>
>4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and
>asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was
>too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter
>himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
>
>5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
>robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
>When detectives asked each man in the lineup to! Repeat the words:
>"Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not
>what I said!"
>
>6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone:
>"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
>apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!"! The man
>shouted, "This is her husband!"
>
>7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven
>Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
>branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate
>a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
>(hellooooooo)!
>
>8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located
>in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks,
>new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they
>tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was
>very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power t
>hey applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
>putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to
>tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
>everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the
>out-drive went up and ! down, and the propeller was the correct size
>and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
>underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
>(NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.)
>
>Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
