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MommaKin
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This is by Dennis Leary and it's the best chain letter I have ever
read!!!!!
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who
actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old
girl in Kansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise
enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off
to the travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So
basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there
who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain,
which was started by the Queen, and was brought to this country by
midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000,
it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous
streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward
something, at least send me something amusing. I've seen all the "send
this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for
a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being"
forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little
intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by
sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
**********************************************************************
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down) Make a wish!!! Oh please, they'll
never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet? STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun?
Hope
you made a great wish Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll
do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5
seconds, you be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into
a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of
those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!
Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on
your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2: Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You
see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has
no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could
be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no
way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of
bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47
seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3: Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence
since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email
then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So
this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1: Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school
on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She
then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed
down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To
You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2: Dexter Bip, a 13-year-old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car
and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both
died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day
for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip .Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4: As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send
it to every one of your friends. Friends. A friend is someone who is
always at your side. A friend is someone who likes you even though you
stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating cat food.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat
full of assholes. A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've
soiled yourself. A friend is someone who stays with you all night while
you cry about your sad, sad life. A friend is someone who pretends they
like you when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees,
then thrown to vicious dogs. A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet,
vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much
English... no, sorry that's the cleaning lady. A friend is not someone
who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to
come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever
again.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty
about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead
elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll
receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
Right? Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to
look at me naked!
read!!!!!
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who
actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old
girl in Kansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise
enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off
to the travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So
basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there
who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain,
which was started by the Queen, and was brought to this country by
midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000,
it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous
streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward
something, at least send me something amusing. I've seen all the "send
this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for
a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being"
forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little
intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by
sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
**********************************************************************
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down) Make a wish!!! Oh please, they'll
never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet? STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun?
Hopeyou made a great wish
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'lldo. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5
seconds, you be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into
a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of
those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!
Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on
your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2: Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You
see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has
no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could
be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no
way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of
bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47
seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3: Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence
since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email
then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So
this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1: Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school
on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She
then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed
down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To
You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2: Dexter Bip, a 13-year-old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car
and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both
died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day
for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip .Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4: As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send
it to every one of your friends. Friends. A friend is someone who is
always at your side. A friend is someone who likes you even though you
stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating cat food.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat
full of assholes. A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've
soiled yourself. A friend is someone who stays with you all night while
you cry about your sad, sad life. A friend is someone who pretends they
like you when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees,
then thrown to vicious dogs. A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet,
vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much
English... no, sorry that's the cleaning lady. A friend is not someone
who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to
come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever
again.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty
about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead
elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll
receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
Right? Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to
look at me naked!
