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You may now say "I told you so"

artrius

artrius

New member
I come before the members of EF with my pride checked at the door and with my head hanging low in shame. For I, who was so confident that things could work out, was totally and utterly wrong (and it wouldn't be the first time).

What am I talking about? You can probably guess. A while back, I posted a thread something to the effect of "I'm getting married!!" Well, that statement is no longer true. As of yesterday, I have broken my relationship and committment to my fiance, due to certain emotional "baggage" that apparently renders her unable to accept a certain trait/characteristic of mine.

I am, however, very thankful, that we did not have to get married to discover this. I feel like an idiot, but when viewed in this light, I do not feel so bad about it.

Feel free to say "I told you so" or whatever, but I can at least walk away proud that I made the right decision, even though it was difficult.

PS: now that I'm single... I'm coming for ya, ladies, you know who you are :evil:
 
Sorry to hear it didn't work out. You are right though, better now than later.
 
So is anyone gonna ask... What trait? I'm not asking.

Sorry to hear about that bro. It's hard to believe ONE thing killed the relationship, but like everyone says, it's for the best. Good luck with "whatshername" here at EF. lol jk

ATDQ!
 
habitualhealth said:
What is this trait/characteristic you speak of?
Click to expand...

ahhh I was wondering if someone would ask... well. *sigh* from her former relationship experience, she has become very much not a loving person at all. Any time I would try to even so much as hug her, she'd shy away from it. Don't get me wrong, we get along great, and I understand that there are times that people don't want to be touched, but with her it was pretty much always. Believe it or not, and call me geigh, but I happen to be a loving person when I'm in a relationship. (Yea, I'm with aap in the cuddlebitch club. Oh well. ) She could not accept that, and since love is a large part of a relationship, and its a big part of how I prefer to be (vice an ass), I decided that it would not work between us.

That's at least the gist of it.
 
damn.... sucks for both of you guys. I hate to say the old..."Well, if you were really in love with each other..." You may look into some couples therapy for that. Not doubting you at all, maybe a bad choice of words, but I do think she may have issues she needs...."Fixed" so to speak. I doubt she does'nt love you when she says "Don't tocuh me.". She's just "troubled".

I also don't know ANYTHING about her or you so this info might be way off base. Just saying that her "problem" may have a solution if worked on. If you guys work on it. I'm sure it's deeper than that as well. Either way, it sucks. good luck.
 
did you turn geigh?
 
Wootoom said:
did you turn geigh?
Click to expand...

fuck no. too many beautiful women out there for that. besides, guys are disgustingly gross. Call me paranoid, but I tried wrestling, and GOOD GOD it was SO nasty. :sick:
 
Wootoom said:
did you turn geigh?
Click to expand...

What do you mean "turn"??? lol

j/k

Artarias. I am proud of you. It takes a strong person to walk away when things are not working. Many people follow through with the wedding...hoping it will get better...or they just don't want to be a lone.

Its never a failure if you learn something. And, it sounds like you learned alot. You are learning more about yourself and the kind of person you want to be with.

Stay strong bro.
 
gonelifting said:
damn.... sucks for both of you guys. I hate to say the old..."Well, if you were really in love with each other..." You may look into some couples therapy for that. Not doubting you at all, maybe a bad choice of words, but I do think she may have issues she needs...."Fixed" so to speak. I doubt she does'nt love you when she says "Don't tocuh me.". She's just "troubled".

I also don't know ANYTHING about her or you so this info might be way off base. Just saying that her "problem" may have a solution if worked on. If you guys work on it. I'm sure it's deeper than that as well. Either way, it sucks. good luck.
Click to expand...

Well I was thinking she could fix it... but you can't change a person. They have to want to change, and she told me she just doesn't want to.

I was hoping that that "You reap what you sow" would come into play, and that sowing the seeds of having a loving relationship would help her eventually grow and change... but the ground must be fertile to grow. You can't plant rice in a dry field, nor can you plant corn in a swamp. Much the same, I can't make her change without her having the desire to.
 
you did the right thing this is great news!!! your life could have really gotten screwed up! get up each day now and pat yourself on the back for getting out when you knew it wasn't right.
 
Well it seems like you have a damn good attitude for just breaking up with your fiance. I couldn't handle it like that. Keep it up
 
you were going to marry a girl that didn't like to hug you?

Damn, way to save your own ass and not a minute too late....
 
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Im dying to know how a person gets engaged to another person without being able to hug them????
 
superdave said:
Im dying to know how a person gets engaged to another person without being able to hug them????
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Good question. Its because it was a long distance relationship (due to me being in the military). We were together while I was on leave a few times, and we kept the relationship going over the phone and net while I was not there. After a while, though, we discovered this. We would hug and whatnot before, but it wasn't much and it didn't bother me that badly.
 
You know, I can't blame it all on her, though. It takes two to tango, right? Well, I think I was moving things too fast. Though we spent countless hours talking to each other, due to the distance, our actual physical time together was very limited... I should have realized this, but of course, I can be young and blind at times.

I was indeed pretty shocked about the whole ordeal, and pretty depressed too, but you know, there's more fish in the sea... and when you catch one that you can't love, well... I don't mean to sound cocky or arrogant, but I know I deserve more than that.
 
Power to you man. It takes a lot to walk away from something like that. However, with this move, I'm certain you'll find someone more appropriate for you.
 
artrius said:
ahhh I was wondering if someone would ask... well. *sigh* from her former relationship experience, she has become very much not a loving person at all. Any time I would try to even so much as hug her, she'd shy away from it. Don't get me wrong, we get along great, and I understand that there are times that people don't want to be touched, but with her it was pretty much always. Believe it or not, and call me geigh, but I happen to be a loving person when I'm in a relationship. (Yea, I'm with aap in the cuddlebitch club. Oh well. ) She could not accept that, and since love is a large part of a relationship, and its a big part of how I prefer to be (vice an ass), I decided that it would not work between us.

That's at least the gist of it.
Click to expand...

I'm really sorry to hear that. I had a friend who was in your situation. Didn't get married, but he moved in with her. Shortly after he moved in she started to gradually pull away from the things that attracted him. Mainly sex, which would have been bearable, but then even his casual touch in passing became offensive to her. No more hugs or cuddling. She started calling him klingy, needy, infantile. It was her house, & he left with nothing. It's terrible to see what it did to him. Glad you didn't find out too late.
 
artrius said:
You know, I can't blame it all on her, though. It takes two to tango, right? Well, I think I was moving things too fast. Though we spent countless hours talking to each other, due to the distance, our actual physical time together was very limited... I should have realized this, but of course, I can be young and blind at times.
.
Click to expand...

You cannot blame that. I was in the army, got out 20 yrs ago. I met my wife in high school. WE kept going out for 2 years after I joined. Then we got married & have been married for 22 years. This was before the net. I think we'd actually been physically together for 6 or 7 months by the time we got married. She was 2 weeks out of high school.
Keep your chin up (& wet).
 
nice job dude. seriously. way to nut up and do what needs to be done...

I guess you aren't too clingy after all huh?

The hugging is kind of faggy thou.... Next time you want to show affection, just slam your crank in her mouth...

I hope you got naked pics of her to post up before the breakup...

Or else you are going to have to go back there and hit that ass one more time for them...
 
artrius said:
:heks: well at least I have a date for next weekend already (and yes it is a female) ;)
Click to expand...

Just make sure you don't start getting attracted to her seeing eye dog.
 
nutsnack said:
What type of animal is it?
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you got me there. I bow before my own stupidity. :coffee: ;)

This is where I just shut up and take it like a man and his sheep. Wait... awww shit..... :worried:
 
This is prime example of why long distance relationships can only go so far.
 
sorry to hear it bro.

So let me get it straight, you like to cuddle and be all lovey dovey and shes just not into that?

How was your sex life?
 
nycgirl said:
So, you have a date? Did you grieve at all? (I know it's a chick question)
Click to expand...

Yup... As for grieveing... I'm still in something of shock... but I know there's nothing I can do about it. Crying isn't going to help much of anything, and least of all, it doesn't make me feel better... I know this kind of sounds a bit superficial, and like I didn't really care about her, but I did (and still do)... It, however, wasn't a hard breakup. It was actually a mutual understanding sort of thing; we talked about it, and we both decided that it just wasn't meant to be. I think that really helped the grievance thing out a lot.
 
artrius said:
Yup... As for grieveing... I'm still in something of shock... but I know there's nothing I can do about it. Crying isn't going to help much of anything, and least of all, it doesn't make me feel better... I know this kind of sounds a bit superficial, and like I didn't really care about her, but I did (and still do)... It, however, wasn't a hard breakup. It was actually a mutual understanding sort of thing; we talked about it, and we both decided that it just wasn't meant to be. I think that really helped the grievance thing out a lot.
Click to expand...

Oh, please don't think I'm judging. I assume you aren't looking to jump into a relationship or anything similar anytime soon. Mutual endings do make things a lot easier.
 
Sorry to hear about this.....but...beter now then 2 yrs after being married. I'm glad you were man enough to deal with this before hand!!
 
Lestat said:
sorry to hear it bro.

So let me get it straight, you like to cuddle and be all lovey dovey and shes just not into that?
Click to expand...

Yup, pretty much. I have to say, though, its strange... she has an 8 year old brother (she's 21) that she's always hugging and kissing, being nice to like a good sister... I mentioned that to her, but she just said that she just that its different and that she wasn't like that in relationships. I think that may have been a lie, for some reason, it may have just been her way of telling me that she didn't love me like she said she did.

Lestat said:
How was your sex life?
Click to expand...

:heks:
 
artrius said:
Yup, pretty much. I have to say, though, its strange... she has an 8 year old brother (she's 21) that she's always hugging and kissing, being nice to like a good sister... I mentioned that to her, but she just said that she just that its different and that she wasn't like that in relationships. I think that may have been a lie, for some reason, it may have just been her way of telling me that she didn't love me like she said she did.



:heks:
Click to expand...
so the sex was shitty then? did you guys even have any?

I can't imagine getting enegaged without fully exploring that side of the realtionship.
 
You know, there was always one other thing that concerned me... here's the deal. She works at a hospital, where she's the only one that is unmarried and doesn't have a kid. Where most of the employees there are female, talking about kids, husbands, family life, etc, all the time, I have been worried that she was just out there just to get a husband out of it. She mentioned to me that I have all the traits that she wants in a man, such as a stable job, financial know-how, etc.... never mentioned anything about ME though, as a person. Makes me wonder sometimes.... :whatever:
 
artrius said:
Yup, pretty much. I have to say, though, its strange... she has an 8 year old brother (she's 21) that she's always hugging and kissing, being nice to like a good sister... I mentioned that to her, but she just said that she just that its different and that she wasn't like that in relationships. I think that may have been a lie, for some reason, it may have just been her way of telling me that she didn't love me like she said she did.

:heks:
Click to expand...

Don't think that, I doubt it had anything to do with you. I use to be that way. I didn't want to hold hands, cuddle, etc. It had nothing do with the other person.
 
nycgirl said:
Don't think that, I doubt it had anything to do with you. I use to be that way. I didn't want to hold hands, cuddle, etc. It had nothing do with the other person.
Click to expand...

:rose: :heart:
 
artrius said:
You know, there was always one other thing that concerned me... here's the deal. She works at a hospital, where she's the only one that is unmarried and doesn't have a kid. Where most of the employees there are female, talking about kids, husbands, family life, etc, all the time, I have been worried that she was just out there just to get a husband out of it. She mentioned to me that I have all the traits that she wants in a man, such as a stable job, financial know-how, etc.... never mentioned anything about ME though, as a person. Makes me wonder sometimes.... :whatever:
Click to expand...
that sucks bro.

how old are you?
 
Gymgurl said:
Sorry to hear about this.....but...beter now then 2 yrs after being married. I'm glad you were man enough to deal with this before hand!!
Click to expand...

thank you :) my thoughts exactly... i'm glad I did this sooner than later, before she could take me for 1/2, which isn't much :worried:
 
Lestat said:
that sucks bro.

how old are you?
Click to expand...

22 y/o.

I have learned a VALUABLE lesson tho. I've just got to calm down and keep my shorts on. I'm surprisingly relaxed about it though. I think this experience, though it was kind of rough, will be good for me in the long run. :coffee:
 
artrius said:
22 y/o.

I have learned a VALUABLE lesson tho. I've just got to calm down and keep my shorts on. I'm surprisingly relaxed about it though. I think this experience, though it was kind of rough, will be good for me in the long run. :coffee:
Click to expand...
yeah man, you are young, got plenty of time to find someone that totally fulfills you.
 
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