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txbondsman
New member
LMAO, I know yall never hit anything less than an 9, but there may be one sumbitch that isn't a liar. I lived in a 3 story frat house in college, on the 3rd floor, so my walks of shame have been many. But I didn't give a shit then and don't now, prolly should have, but hey, God bless tequila, that all I have to say.
This is a funny one, not really a "walk", but funny none the less.
I was at this club one night, and as usual I was just about the last to leave. I drove a big Ford extended cab truck, the very first model that came out. Being completely shitfaced, I stumbled through the parking lot, to the truck. For the people who don't know me or haven't read any of my posts on the subject, when I went out, for years I thought that it was a mission to try and drink all the whisky and tequila at any given bar that I went to. Anyway, I made it to the truck. When I started to crank it, all I heard was tic tic tic tic tic, tried again, tic tic tic tic tic tic. AWWWW SHIT! won't start, muuuuuther fuuuuucker, crap. So, hoping that the poles were loose or needed cleaning, I popped the hood and started checking it out as best I could. Of course, it wasn't one of those. So I climbed back in and just to be sure hit it again and nothing. I'm thinkng now about how I'm gonna get home, there's not a soul around, the parking lot was completely empty, even the bartenders and managers have left.
I'm sitting there in my stupor and hear, a voice, "wanna jump?" I look around and from somewhere there is a old beat up chevette type car and a female inside. I roll the window down and look to see who's talking, all I can see is a female figure and she's asks again, "You wanna jump?".
Now, I have this beast of a truck and she has this little piece of shit beater, but hers is running and, well, mine isn't. I still haven't seen her yet. I say that I don't think that her cars battery is strong enough, but she says why not try. Well, what could it hurt, maybe it will. I hop out and get the cables ready as she pulls head-on to the truck. I start to get her hood and then it happens. She gets out of her car, and keeps on getting out, for days shes getting out and finally, all of her stands up. This is one of the biggest and unattractive women that I have ever seen in a club, not the ugliest I've ever seen, but certainly one of the biggest and ugliest in a club. Then she says, "It'll cost ya" and has this funny look on her face. I'm thinking, what 10 maybe 20 dollars, sure. So I ask, "What do you want?" She said something that I really didn't want to hear, "you KNOW what I want", and then we'll see if your truck will start.
Well, humm. Not a soul in sight, no friends within 45 minutes minimum, 2:30 AM, what to do. I did what any self respecting sumbitch would have done in my shoes, "Hell yes, you start this here truck and it's a deal!"
We sat in my truck while the tiny little car and battery was hooked up, must have been 15 minutes, seemed like 4 days. I drunk and can barely talk, she's well, sitting there. After an eon or two, I thought that it may work, so I hit the ignition, and damn if it didn't start on the first try. SHIT! I'll make a run for it, who the hell cares if I see her again, she'll never catch my ass. I get out to unhook the cables, she bales out the other door. I'm hurrying like hell just in case she gives me an opening. Then, my heart sinks, she's already BACK in my truck! I'm like wtf? How... she got back there quicker than a hunting dog when he sees you with your guns and hears you say "Load up!". That bitch was fast for a big gurl.
Not being a person who goes back on his word, my truck was running mind you, I took her to the nearest dirt road and took care of what I though was business. It wasn't hers though, she obviously had longer than 3 minutes in mind. I did what I could for her and sped back to her car. Good thing that I didn't get stopped, I'd have either gone for DWI or, if the cop would have seen her, just to keep me from doing that again...
OH the good ol days.... or were they.
This is a funny one, not really a "walk", but funny none the less.
I was at this club one night, and as usual I was just about the last to leave. I drove a big Ford extended cab truck, the very first model that came out. Being completely shitfaced, I stumbled through the parking lot, to the truck. For the people who don't know me or haven't read any of my posts on the subject, when I went out, for years I thought that it was a mission to try and drink all the whisky and tequila at any given bar that I went to. Anyway, I made it to the truck. When I started to crank it, all I heard was tic tic tic tic tic, tried again, tic tic tic tic tic tic. AWWWW SHIT! won't start, muuuuuther fuuuuucker, crap. So, hoping that the poles were loose or needed cleaning, I popped the hood and started checking it out as best I could. Of course, it wasn't one of those. So I climbed back in and just to be sure hit it again and nothing. I'm thinkng now about how I'm gonna get home, there's not a soul around, the parking lot was completely empty, even the bartenders and managers have left.
I'm sitting there in my stupor and hear, a voice, "wanna jump?" I look around and from somewhere there is a old beat up chevette type car and a female inside. I roll the window down and look to see who's talking, all I can see is a female figure and she's asks again, "You wanna jump?".
Now, I have this beast of a truck and she has this little piece of shit beater, but hers is running and, well, mine isn't. I still haven't seen her yet. I say that I don't think that her cars battery is strong enough, but she says why not try. Well, what could it hurt, maybe it will. I hop out and get the cables ready as she pulls head-on to the truck. I start to get her hood and then it happens. She gets out of her car, and keeps on getting out, for days shes getting out and finally, all of her stands up. This is one of the biggest and unattractive women that I have ever seen in a club, not the ugliest I've ever seen, but certainly one of the biggest and ugliest in a club. Then she says, "It'll cost ya" and has this funny look on her face. I'm thinking, what 10 maybe 20 dollars, sure. So I ask, "What do you want?" She said something that I really didn't want to hear, "you KNOW what I want", and then we'll see if your truck will start.
Well, humm. Not a soul in sight, no friends within 45 minutes minimum, 2:30 AM, what to do. I did what any self respecting sumbitch would have done in my shoes, "Hell yes, you start this here truck and it's a deal!"
We sat in my truck while the tiny little car and battery was hooked up, must have been 15 minutes, seemed like 4 days. I drunk and can barely talk, she's well, sitting there. After an eon or two, I thought that it may work, so I hit the ignition, and damn if it didn't start on the first try. SHIT! I'll make a run for it, who the hell cares if I see her again, she'll never catch my ass. I get out to unhook the cables, she bales out the other door. I'm hurrying like hell just in case she gives me an opening. Then, my heart sinks, she's already BACK in my truck! I'm like wtf? How... she got back there quicker than a hunting dog when he sees you with your guns and hears you say "Load up!". That bitch was fast for a big gurl.
Not being a person who goes back on his word, my truck was running mind you, I took her to the nearest dirt road and took care of what I though was business. It wasn't hers though, she obviously had longer than 3 minutes in mind. I did what I could for her and sped back to her car. Good thing that I didn't get stopped, I'd have either gone for DWI or, if the cop would have seen her, just to keep me from doing that again...
OH the good ol days.... or were they.
