hello!!! need some advice

[Tink!]

To all my old friends on here, HELLO!!!! Hope all is well!!
okay, i come here because i need some helpful advice.
I am in a very unhealthy relationship. I know it, I'm sure he knows it. He is a very selfish, cold hearted un caring man. He use to be mister wonderful, but after 3 years that has all gone down the toilet.
There is a lot of verbal and mental abuse and he got kind of physcial a few times, but not slapping me around. I know it is never going to change, i know it is never going to get better. I know it is up to me to get out and go on.
So, i don't so much need to hear that kind of things, but how??
So for you that don't know me I am a single mom of 1 daughter almost 9. My ex has took me to court 6 times in the last few months. First time was trying to get custody. He brough up my current boyfriends criminal record and tried to take my daughter away from me, or at least keep him out of her life.
Really he just has driving on suspendeds and a couple for weed. I am broke as a joke and have another surgery on Monday. I have to stay here for the surgery recovery as i have no where else to go. I do not want to, because i know he is still going to expect an immaculant home and dinner on the table the minute he walks in the door. Last time i had got cut all the way open, it was a constant fight how my pain couldn't be that bad, and i should still be able to get up and take care of him.
So, when i go, i will have to leave everything I own behind. My daughter and I will have to start completely over. No furniture, just clothes. My x will totally use this against me, to try to take my daughter from me, because i left this guy once last year when I got pregnant and he demanded for me to leave or get an abortion.
I don't know if i should do it for me and my santity and say screw it all, i will start fresh, or for my daughters sake stay so i can try to get all of my belongings?? He will not let me take anything out of t his home, and he gets all of my pay check. It's not exactly like i make that much to up and go on anyways and i would most likely go stay with my best friend and her two kids for a while leaving my daughter and i to share a room.
I really don't know what is best to do. I am not the kind of person that uses people, so the thought just makes me sick to my stomach, but i am trying to figure out and do what is right for my daughter as well as myself.
thanks for any advice!!
I don't know how often i will be able to get on here, as he will FREAK out!!!
take care everyone!!!

 

[EnderJE]

Hey Tink. Sorry to hear that you're not doing that great over the last few years.

 

[ceo]

hi tink! Damn, what a mess you're in. Don't you have friends there that will help you? Help you get your stuff? Help you with a place to stay? Sorry to hear about your situation.

 

[Bikini Mod]

The Family Place

Please check this organization out. They are there to help women JUST LIKE YOU.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. If you need to bend an ear, please PM me. Don't let this man keep robbing your life from you. Get out with you and your daughter even if it means you've nothing but the clothing on your back.

 

[Razorguns]

Why on earth are you dating these type of guys???? Grab your daughter and go, he tries to stop you dial 911.

r

 

[shrimp poboy]

If you need someone to talk with pm me

 

[Bikini Mod]

I dunno why your marriage ended and it really bears no relevance but that he is the father of your child. Unless your ex was also abusive I could understand why he would want custody of the child.

I think that you and your daughter would greatly benefit from some counseling so you could gain some insight as to why you chose this type of man. I am NOT "beating you up". There is NEVER an excuse for an adult to raise their hand/beat down their partner. You will be better off when you gain some insight into your choices so as not to keep making those same choices.

Instead of us in society asking the question, "Why does she stay with him" we REALLY need to start asking the question, "Why does he treat her that way?" There are MANY MANY men who hide their abusive personality until the woman is well-committed to him and then BAM she is stuck with no way out.

Tink, darlin', seek out these organizations - they are there to help. They understand what you are going through. They don't judge. They help.

One thing that I want everyone who is reading this thread to know is that in such relationships it is MOST DANGEROUS WHEN SHE TRIES TO LEAVE. There are people who will help you, Tink.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Why on earth are you dating these type of guys???? Grab your daughter and go, he tries to stop you dial 911.

r

lol

 

[Bikini Mod]

lol

I guess you missed the part of my post where it says that MANY MEN are able to hide their abusive nature until the woman is committed to him.

I know of more than one woman who took the beating of a lifetime on their wedding nights from a man who was always sweet to her before that night.

^^^Not always the case, but it does happen that extremely. These guys often hide how controlling and nasty they can be until she commmits. And then they start verbally and emotionally beating her down a little at a time. They isolate her from her friends and family. They control HER money. The next thing you know, she has NO ONE LEFT and feels so low that she thinks it is all her fault and that if she could *just do this* or *just stop doing that* then he will be like he was in the beginning.

I don't know of ANY MEN that punch a woman square in the jaw on their first date. But I do know of MANY that kill their wives/gf's after they've been together *X* amount of time.

The statistics are scary indeed.

 

[Razorguns]

I don't know how often i will be able to get on here, as he will FREAK out!!!

So? Let him FREAK out, who gives a fuck. How old are you again? BM how about putting some female empowerment into her huh?

If he beats you and you stay and use the 'i love him i'm the victim poor me' syndrome - don't expect much sympathy from the peanut gallery. What are we supposed to say? Go buy a book on amazon and read it, lol!

Instead of leaving, say you leave then continue to talk to abusive ex-bf, perhaps meet him sometimes, think he's "changed", go back and then 2 months later back to square one ... You can get all the sympathy from all the other hens in the house -- but us guys really dont' care. You're not 14. No guy should ever hit a woman -- unless the woman is okay with it and does nothing. You clearly have a long history of crappy abusive bfs. Somehow I don't think this will change UNLESS YOU CHANGE.

r