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Author Topic:   top sexual positions
Big Buck

Pro Bodybuilder

Posts: 511
From:San Diego, CA
Registered: May 2000

posted November 30, 2000 06:05 PM

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The Top Sexual Positions
1. The Teabagging
The all time classic maneuver of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead while she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase - "Who's Your daddy?"

2. The Houdini
Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to cum, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed,
wondering how you managed it.

3. The Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up,
she'll look like an angry dragon.

4. Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold
bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling,Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

5. Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.

6. The Donkey Punch
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will
constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you
ejaculate.

7. The Flaming Amazon
This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then ...extinguish the flames with your jizz!

8. The Flying Camel (aka Cap. Insano's signature move)
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her
vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.

9. The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

10. The Zombie Mask
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

11. The Steamboat
While fucking the living shit out of some slut bag Cocamo piece of trash, get a nice big dump ready to go. Once you blow your load, quickly pullout and hop on her stomach, then hang a big dump. If she tries to move away sit down...don't worry it'll wash off you, she's the one you're trying to gross out here. Tell her in some countries woman like the warm feel and that it's actually an honor (it's not but that could get you out of a jam).

12. The Leaky Faucet
This can only be done if you are fucking without a condom, so make sure that piece of trash isn't a huge slut bag. Before you start to fuck this slut ball, drink as much water as you possibly can (1.5 - 2 liters),
then wait a while and begin the banging. Once you get your rhythm going, you may feel like you have to take a bathroom break. No worries, let it fly, and reap the rewards, it's like going upstream. This girl will be
leaking piss for a week....nice.

ENJOY....and don't try any of these on your girlfriend..Cocamo sluts only

------------------
The difference between a successful person and others, is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.
HAVE THE WILL


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F#ckface

Cool Novice

Posts: 24
From:Eat me
Registered: Nov 2000

posted November 30, 2000 06:07 PM

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Nice!

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madhacker

Amateur Bodybuilder

Posts: 80
From:Tampa, FL
Registered: May 2000

posted November 30, 2000 06:09 PM

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That is some funny shit bro. I will have to try some of them

------------------
I will endure the pain that goes with achievement and glory,
rather than accept the contentment that goes with mediocrity


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Big Buck

Pro Bodybuilder

Posts: 511
From:San Diego, CA
Registered: May 2000

posted November 30, 2000 07:05 PM

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bump....

------------------
The difference between a successful person and others, is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.
HAVE THE WILL


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Captain_insano

Elite Bodybuilder

Posts: 790
From:Edison, New Jersey, USA
Registered: Oct 2000

posted November 30, 2000 07:06 PM

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I'll keep you at the top Buck. lol...

------------------


"Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not."
-Phlogiston Verdigris

[This message has been edited by Captain_insano (edited December 01, 2000).]


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MattTheSkywalker

Moderator

Posts: 1963
From:Atlanta GA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted November 30, 2000 09:59 PM

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Where is the Rusty Trombone?


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Greek Xtasy

Cool Novice

Posts: 11
From:Right behind you!!!
Registered: Nov 2000

posted November 30, 2000 10:55 PM

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Bump for this hilarious shit

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Juice Moose

Cool Novice

Posts: 36
From:
Registered: Sep 2000

posted November 30, 2000 11:38 PM

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The Rodeo Fuck- After you have been doing your girlfriend doggy style for a while, lean up to her ear, grab a handful of hair, then say,damn honey your not as tight as your sister, then see if you can hang on for eight seconds.


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Valdez

Pro Bodybuilder

Posts: 507
From:wa
Registered: Sep 2000

posted December 01, 2000 12:20 AM

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juice moose, LOL.


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