It just kind of clicked, like some of you said, I have told her most everything in that note before, and the stuff I haven't she should be able to get for herself.

Screw her if she's not into this or doesn't get it. It's me time.

I'm going into protective/proactive mode.

I checked with my state's divorce resource center and one of the things they told me was NOT to stay separated from the marital residence at this point. Evidently, even though it's the logical thing to do, courts can view it negatively in child custody cases -- they can view it as abandonment, even if you spend time with the little one.

At this point the LEAST I'm interested in is joint custody and I don't want her to have any excuses if things go bad...

So, the first thing I have to do is move back in. Should be interesting. I've developed enough armor now to stand on my own. Won't always be easy, but I think I can keep my perspective. If I can't, that's what you guys (and girls) are for right? Kick my ass around a little, remind me of the important (and real) stuff...

I'll hang out for awhile to establish a presence, get in touch with the lawyers, get a plan of action going and be prepared for war (if it comes to it). So far, when we've talked about ending it, she has indicated that she is good with joint physical custody and doesn't want to go through a messy divorce -- that she wants to stay friends. Better to be prepared though, just in case...

I also think me being there and standing firm in my stance will expedite her thought processes -- one way or the other. It's easy to drift when somebody's not in your face all the time. To this point, I haven't been ready to be around her, but I'm OK now. I'm good.

If, by some stroke of a miracle, she comes around, great. Weirder things have happened. I'm not kidding myself though. I don't think this is likely and I'm going to be honest with myself about her actions.

Do this for yourself before you move back in.
Write down ground rules for yourself of what condition you are willing to live with.
I.e. - sleep in different beds. Share house hold duties. Who's watching the kids.
Be very clear for yourself and when in doubt check the list. Don't get caught into carrying her lazy asss again like before.

This is a harsh situation, you are a better man than I. I don't think that I could move back into living hell.