what happens when you reach your goal? how to relax?

[mehere]

Hi All. Love this forum! The knowledge of the members blows me away. So, can anyone relate to this?

I've been working out really hard for a little over a year, have lost 11 lbs. I'm 5'1 and went from 123 lbs to 112 lbs and have packed on quite a bit of muscle. I've been able to increase my strength despite the weight loss, which I'm pleased with because I was afraid I'd lose muscle along with fat.

I'm pretty close to my goal, started at about 22% body fat--I think I'd like to have 17% body fat, maybe a little more cause I've already lost most of my boobs (no problem hanging on to my ass though!) and would rather not resemble a teenage boy, I prefer to keep a little bit of curves. According to this calculator thing I found I only need to lose a couple more pounds to get to 17%.

Even when I get there, I'd def not be against putting on some more lean muscle. I need a clear goal though, to stay focused. But, how do I do this? I mean, reach the body fat goal, then figure out how much to eat/workout to maintain what I have except maybe little more muscle?

Can I expect to stop adding more weight to my lifts? How do you get out of the mentality of "no I can't eat those carbs" and "no dessert for me, thanks" because I've engrained it in my head that I have to eat super clean and lose fat. And how do I look in the mirror and just be HAPPY with what I see and what I've achieved instead of constantly criticizing my own appearance? I mean, I have freaking 10 pack abs but all I can focus on is the little area of stretched out saggy skin below it from having kids which no amount of working out is going to fix, clearly. Can anyone relate? Do I have body dysmorphia or something?

 

[Zyglamail]

here is a guys opinion for what its worth.

Women seem to get so hung up on their appearance and try to micromanage it and turn themselves into something they deem as desirable. Unless your looking to date or marry yourself your opinion is not of primary concern. What I mean by that is there are guys who like heavy women, skinny women and every size in between so if one is determined enough one will find a mate regardless of how they look.

Okay so based on my above comment one may think I am all for a person not changing their appearance but thats not the case either. I feel one should strive to be healthy, athletic and comfortable in their own skin. When someone is healthy, athletic and comfy in their own skin its apparent to the world. The person is generally vibrant, fun loving, eager for challenges and not afraid to show the world a little skin.

Now what is athletic and healthy? Athletic and healthy doesnt necessarily mean a 6 pack or bulging veins, a woman can easily be 20%bf and be athletic and healthy. She can also be 12%bf and be athletic and healthy. Someone who is all too concerned with single digit low BF may not actually be as healthy as someone in the low teens.

It sounds like you have made some great progress in transforming yourself. My recommendation now would be to not worry so much about how you look and go after performance based objectives and let your body change as needed to meet those goals.

What is it you like to do? Do you run? lift weights? Ride bikes or hike? Or a combination of everything? Pick an exercise or 2 and set some goals. Maybe you want to be able to squat 2x bodyweight? Maybe row 2k meters in under 7 minutes. What ever it is, pick something and go after it. Your body will change based on the demands and as long as you are athletic and healthy you will exude confidence and be attractive.

Personally I like a woman with a little muscle on her bones. Muscle DOES add curves and substance to a womans frame and shows to the world shes not afraid of a challenge. Guys that are afraid of a lady with a little muscle is usually lacking muscle, drive and ambition of their own.

 

[mehere]

Thanks Zyg. Yes I like that... performance based goals as opposed to body fat or physical goals. With performance based the rest will follow. I can already squat twice my weight, so maybe to squat 2.5 times. I'd like to be able to do more pull ups without any weight stack to help so I can focus on that. I had started running but then injured my hip flexor so while waiting for that to heal I've prob lost a lot of the progress I made there.

It's not so much that I'm obsessed with my appearane, it's just that I've taken the principals of fitness and cutting very seriously (maybe too extreme) and am having a hard time relaxing this and finding a happy medium. Thanks for the feedback, and it's nice to hear that a guy likes a woman with muscle. My husband seems pretty happy with my appearance, although I think he's jealous my abs are more ripped than his are. He lifts too though, so it works out ok. I have gotten a few comments made about/to me about the amount of muscle I already have (not a whole lot)- it's strange how people can react though. Personally though, I like muscle on my own body and I feel great- the best shape of my life along with reduced pain from arthritis and herniated discs than before I was lifting. I just need to get out of my own critical head and embrace what I've got, make new goals not based on body fat. Thanks again!!