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ladies help, I think my girlfriend has an eating disorder!

slither

New member
She eats whole meals around me, but she told me last night that she hardly ever eats. She might have a havest bar and a sandwich during the whole day she said. She works out 2 maybe 3 times a week. So being an idiot guy, I said why are you even going to the gym? Your not getting anything from the workout, you have no fuel in your body. She is tired alot, her stomach always makes noises, I mean like all the time. Loud noises. Anyway she told me she wants to tone up more and lose fat, the typical stuff. She is 5'9" tall and 123 lbs, and 23% bf. She said she would try some things I mention if I help her through it. So can she basically follow my diet, and cut that back by 1/3. I also think she should see a trainer at her gym a couple of times and learn how to do different exercises. I am just concerned for her health, Her diet is basically no food diet. She had anorexia when she was a dancing. Maybe she never fully corrected. Yes she cuts her food in to smaller portions when we go out to eat, but she eats all of it. I think If I could show her some female feedback, it would be very helpful.

As always, you all are great!
By the way, my diet follows Labrada.coms suggested diet for the 200lb bodybuilder(for comparison.)
 
Anorexia is something that I don't believe you ever fully recover from and I wonder if she is keeping down what she eats when she is with you. First SHE has to be serious about changing her body and not just giving it lip service, she has to accept that in order to change it she has to build mass and in order to do that she has to eat. Once she starts to eat she will retain water like crazy for a couple of weeks which will cause her to totally flip out and the urge to go back to starving will be overwhelming but once she has made it past that point and starts to feel the muscles getting harder she will be on the road to recovery. It must come from within her and she has to accept that what she has been doing is not working and find someone who has the body that she wants and do what they tell her. All you can do is support her and point her in the right direction.
 
Slither,

I think your suggestions of getting her working with a trainer are great. I'm convinced that bodybuilding and the bodybuilding lifestyle saved my life. Eating disorders are not about food, they're about control. Bodybuilding is a much healthier way to control your body, and unlike with anorexia or bulimia, you REALLY feel in control. Once I learned that muscle weighs more than fat and burns a lot more calories than fat, I realized I could stay the same size (or get even smaller since muscle is denser than fat) AND raise my metabolism. Bodybuilding gave me license to eat and literally gave me my life back.

Once I got into setting strength goals for myself, I gradually started improving my diet. As a 20 year veteran of disordered eating, any kind of dietary changes had to be gradual so not to set myself off. My husband tried for years to convince me that I needed more food to make gains in the gym, but I had to discover this for myself. (I just thought everyone was trying to fatten me up!)

I went from being a skinny fat (meaning I looked skinny but still had more body fat than I wanted) weak and tired all the time person to a strong healthy happy wiry muscular person with a great metabolism. I used to be skeletal on top and too soft for my taste on the bottom. I still pretty much wear the same size now, but my top half is a little bigger* and my bottom half a little smaller, and EVERYTHING looks much better. Even so, I've been treating myself to some new clothes - shoulder, back, and belly-baring stuff, even slim, butt-hugging pants and short shorts! (All tasteful of course :).) Even at my skinniest, I used to wear loose baggy clothes.

Temple01 is right when she says "Anorexia is something that I don't believe you ever fully recover from..." I was anorexic in high school. The severe part lasted about a year. After that I became bulimic. People thought I'd "recovered" because I no longer looked emaciated. Actually, the bulimia was more horrible than the anorexia. Even when I'd recovered from bulimia, my eating was still messed up. I'd eat normal meals in front of people but virtually nothing at any other time, and I'd still have binges followed by fasting and intense exercise. the older I got, the harder it was to keep up. It was an awful way to live and a waste of many years.

* Thought I'd better clarify this since there's another thread on shrinking boobs. Yes, my boobs decreased from an ample C to a regular B. I gained size in my shoulders and back, so I now have more of a V shape. By gaining muscle in my chest, the little indentation between my pecs gives an illusion of cleavage, and since developed chest muscles are nature's own "bra", I expect my B's to stand at attention for a long time to come!



[This message has been edited by FitFossil (edited April 11, 2001).]
 
I have a dance background too and understand the extreme pressure to be thin in that art. It really distorts your point of view and no one tells you how to do it healthfully - they just say "eat less" or "eat nothing". My guess is she's like the majority of women who feel like they are cursed because they can't eat anything. The minute they do they "gain". They look at wonder at women who enjoy food, seemingly they "eat all the time" and "eat whatever they want".

She feels fat because she doesn't have a lot of muscle. I was there too. I've lifted for a year now, eating more than I ever thought I could and look better than I ever have. I weigh more now but wear a smaller size. I have shape now where before I was just "mushy" even at my thinnest. I no longer weigh myself -just once a month when I measure my bf, weight and take measurements.

I'd encourage her to start reading the board here...and go gently with her. No amount of you telling her what she should be doing will help until she's ready to hear it.

------------------
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. - Socrates
 
MY added 2 cents would be start her off at a higher protein percentage than carb than the diet you follow. 2 reasons why:

1-Alot of woman I've known need to go lower carbs for weight loss than men as a percentage of their dietary intakes

2-She will see fat loss quicker and make her more apt to stay on the diet eating more food and more often.
 
I think almost all women suffer from some sort of eating disorder at some point in their lives. There are so many outside pressures to be thin and sexy....skinny is supposed to be in and the way to be these days. Everyone wants to be sexy and fit in to those standards. I was a runway model and I spent a few years starving myself to be thin....I looked awful and was so unhealthy. I had to see if for myself and make the changes myself. People could tell me anything, but I did not listen, nor did I want to. Be there to support her and point her in a healthy direction. Give her the tools she needs to succeed. It is a difficult thing to overcome, and your mind will always tell you things and its hard to get past.....She has to want to change and and do what it takes to make those changes..you cant force anyone. Bodybuilding is the best thing to be involved in. It has brought me to new levels and I am so healthy and fit now! I never would want to be thin again, and I never have thoughts of going back. I love to eat!! And I now compete and want to continue to grow..You can defeat eating disorders, but it takes a lot of guts and heart to get through it.....support and love is all you can do :)
 
thanks ladies.

I was at the grocery store last night, and picked up a copy of oxygen magazine in hopes that the articles in it will encourage her. (theres a good one in their about fad diets that chris lyden wrote)
It was a little embarassing buying the magazine, but whatever it takes right! If she can see that others have accomplished what she wants, that should put her on the right track. I will love her whether she is fat or thin or healthy or whatever, but I will help her no matter what. If she wanted to be fat, I would help her reach that goal too. I just know she will feel a whole lot better when her diet straightens up. Last night I grilled bbq chicken and saved a small breast for her (4oz maybe) just to show her that eating 4-6 meals a day didnt have to mean lunch size portions at olive garden, eating it should really only take 5 or ten minutes. She got to my house, and said oh yummy. She never did eat it though. This thing was small, the size of the palm of my hand. I listened to her stomach growl all night. I wish she could come to this board, but she doesnt have a computer at her house, and when she is at my house, we are so caught up in each other that we dont have time to get online. I will tell her what I found out. I also dont think she would like it too much if she found out that I told all of you that she might have an eating disorder. She would figure out my Username, Its the vanity plate on my viper. Anyway, maybe Ill switch usernames or something, cause she really does need all of your help and encouragement if your willing to give it.

thanks again.

[This message has been edited by slither (edited April 11, 2001).]
 
I am speaking as someone who has recovered from anorexia/bulimia, and agree fully that fitness and strength training are hugely helpful in changing the focus on thinness to healthiness.
It sounds like she is underweight but has average bf levels. That is like what I was...she may be light because she has lost muscle from dieting unhealthily.
Th bad news is that she won't change until she makes that decision herself. But the good news is that she can get fully better. A word of warning...don't judge her recovery by her physical appearance, as putting weight back on is only half the equation, and it may be when she struggles most.
Good luck and don't hesitate to e-mail me if you want further advice or support - I'm also a psychologist!!!
 
Yeah she is probably underweight but with a reasonable level of bodyfat. This probably makes her look fat and softer than if she gained some muscle and lost some fat. This means eating more protein. I am only 5'4" and am 147 lbs @ 18% bodyfat. I have had bulimia for 8 years now and would never have dreamed I would get this heavy and yet be able to wear hot pants and cropped tops when I go out clubbing.

I have acheived this by eating loads of food and training with heavy weights. As a result I am really strong and no longer get those awful blood sugar lows I used to.

Quite a lot of women actually follow restricted diets especially the 'wine' diet which allows women to go out and drink alot then eat nothing all day so they don't gain weight. As a result of such dieting practices many of them feel weak and look miserable when they do go out. They also lose muscle mass and whilst appearing very small and slim, actually are very soft and wobbly with cellulite.

Tell your girlfriend that if she eats more she will have a lot more fun and combined with lifting weights, she will actually look thinner and and harder.
 
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