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hoping someone can relate

TrapQueen

New member
undefined
i am new, female 5'5" 150 bf 14% training-cardio 2x day, weights 5x wk, 9 wks out from 1st comp, i am bulimic and having a very hard time dieting down, i am in recovery from other addictions and trying to recover from the bulimia but having a terrible time, dieting is triggering it even worse, i feel totally alone, there has to be someone who competes and is in recovery from this. i've reached out for help and the only response i got was from one person that discouraged me from competing (not on this site). i was prepping to compete last year and 5 wks out had to make the decision not to bc of this, i did the same thing again prepping for one that'll be next month and now i can't do it so i am looking at june but i am barely hanging on, miserable, depressed-seriously needing help. can anyone relate to me?
trapqueen
 
Last edited:
TrapQueen said:
undefined
i am new, female 5'5" 150 bf 14% training-cardio 2x day, weights 5x wk, 9 wks out from 1st comp, i am bulimic and having a very hard time dieting down, i am in recovery from other addictions and trying to recover from the bulimia but having a terrible time, dieting is triggering it even worse, i feel totally alone, there has to be someone who competes and is in recovery from this. i've reached out for help and the only response i got was from one person that discouraged me from competing (not on this site). i was prepping to compete last year and 5 wks out had to make the decision not to bc of this, i did the same thing again prepping for one that'll be next month and now i can't do it so i am looking at june but i am barely hanging on, miserable, depressed-seriously needing help. can anyone relate to me?
trapqueen

hey, sweetie.

first off, you are hugely BRAVE for posting honestly here. You are welcome anytime, and we will do what we can to help you.

I am not a competitor, but several women here are. I'm sure Sassy (who's our acting "house mom" :D) will be here shortly. Hang in there.
 
Have my girls with me this weekend so I wont be able to give proper response for a bit.

I used to be a competitive bodybuilder and fitness/swimwear model - also suffered from bulimia and anorexia back in the day, but mostly bulimia.

I'll try to help you with whatever I can.

The good news is you dont HAVE to be a slave to eating/body image disorders.

I'm living proof... and I am sure there are others here as well. :)
 
Hi Hun,

Getting comp ready is no easy task takes a toll on the body and the mind. What ever you do make sure you don't feel like you have to do the compatition. There is other shows so if for what ever reason you decide not to continue you will be ok there are tons of other shows. If you tough it out you will feel the great reward at the end regardless of how you do. At your currents sats you look way better the about 99% of the population so be proud of that. In addition I it sounds like training has aided in your recovery from the eating disord which is great. A very warm welcome to elite lots of info on this board and most importantly lots of support. :)
 
:angel: Friends are angels who lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. :angel:

There are lots of angels on this site. Welcome to EF!!
 
hey TQ - posted on your other entry on the New to EF Ladies Board thread.

There's nothing easy at all about choosing to compete - just that on its own can have people (like my parents...:rolleyes:) discouraging you. But at the end of the day, its' up to you to either do it or dont'. But also remember that if you choose to not do a show or delay it for whatever reason doesn't make you a bad person at all (lots of people have that view of their first show- including me & that just adds crazy amounts of stress & self esteem hits that are unnecessary) -- to that end, as I like to tell people, there's always another show.

In general you will get all sorts of support on this board. YOu can't always get exactly the type of specialized training / diet / comp prep info you need because that is something that is so individual that its very hard to do over the internet. But can you post up where you are now - diet & training regimen? Are you workign w/ a trainer now at all? And was there anythign in general that this person last yr told you to bail out of the show for?
 
TrapQueen said:
undefined
i am new, female 5'5" 150 bf 14% training-cardio 2x day, weights 5x wk, 9 wks out from 1st comp, i am bulimic and having a very hard time dieting down, i am in recovery from other addictions and trying to recover from the bulimia but having a terrible time, dieting is triggering it even worse, i feel totally alone, there has to be someone who competes and is in recovery from this. i've reached out for help and the only response i got was from one person that discouraged me from competing (not on this site). i was prepping to compete last year and 5 wks out had to make the decision not to bc of this, i did the same thing again prepping for one that'll be next month and now i can't do it so i am looking at june but i am barely hanging on, miserable, depressed-seriously needing help. can anyone relate to me?
trapqueen

Life's too short to let your enemies win, the best revenge is a good life.
Go get yours and forget the past the moment it happens .. I've got 4 sisters and i hate when they down.
 
Sassy69 said:
hey TQ - posted on your other entry on the New to EF Ladies Board thread.

There's nothing easy at all about choosing to compete - just that on its own can have people (like my parents...:rolleyes:) discouraging you. But at the end of the day, its' up to you to either do it or dont'. But also remember that if you choose to not do a show or delay it for whatever reason doesn't make you a bad person at all (lots of people have that view of their first show- including me & that just adds crazy amounts of stress & self esteem hits that are unnecessary) -- to that end, as I like to tell people, there's always another show.

In general you will get all sorts of support on this board. YOu can't always get exactly the type of specialized training / diet / comp prep info you need because that is something that is so individual that its very hard to do over the internet. But can you post up where you are now - diet & training regimen? Are you workign w/ a trainer now at all? And was there anythign in general that this person last yr told you to bail out of the show for?

my diet is 200 g protein/day, 150 g carbs on training days, no added fats, and 225 g pro/day, 100 g carbs on days off. --if i follow it perfect, which i did for almost 6 wks then slipped, and slipped again and again ... i get back on for a wk or more then fall off again. for the last two wks i upped my cardio from 1/day to 2x, 45 min. and 30 min., that's 6 days/wk, the weights i do 2 days on 1 off 3 on 1 off for the most part, all of that is going great, intense, still heavy. i don't have a trainer but a friend who's a competitor i sometimes train w/ but has kind of left me hanging here recently and i really need guidance w/supps etc. last yr when i didn't do the show i made that decision on my own--really hard one to make bc i felt (and now feel the same) i'm in a catch-22, i am too much of a perfectionist and prideful to go onstage if i don't look my best and if i can't do the diet near perfect i won't be my best. i've loved the sport for a long time, it's a part of me and i feel destined to compete, maybe i need to be more patient, i just don't know. i wish i knew that it won't always be like this w/the diet, that once i get more secure in recovery it'll be different (i know it's always going to be hard) but not to where i'm this dysfunctional. thank you for your help.
trapqueen
 
When is your competition & are there other show dates near that that you might also include as potential show dates? The reason I ask is that first time competitors (and often many shows after that) tend to come in better 2 weeks later even under the best conditions - there are so many variables in hitting a competition date, its nice to have at least one other date to either do as a second show or if for any reason you can't hit the first show (not saying to not do it if youaren't 100% ready - but rather if you get sick, if they cancel the show, whatever.)

Also I undertstand your goal of perfection -you might even tell me that you are like that even more than most, but I also have to say that you have to be very even keeled, realistic and very common sensical about competition. If you set yourself up for perfection on the first try, that's sort of setting yourself up for a guaranteed self-screwing. (I"m assuming this is your first show?) -- Even if you've trained your whole life, competition is a different beast. It often takes several show cycles of learning how your body reacts, building up lagging parts, improvign your self-confidence & presentation on stage, etc. to get "perfect" - so just want to make sure you are keeping this all in perspective. I've had some lifetime HYUGE highs and some lifetime devastating lows directly related to my experiences in BB competition -so its critical to be aware of the need for a good balance - I can tell you all about it but you will have to experience yourself & learn to deal w/ it on your own first.

The other aspect of competition is that it is literally a 24/7 training program - how you eat, what you eat, when you eat, training, cardio, recovery (!!!!), and then observing all of it to see how you respond to it and how you may or may not need to tweak it on a daily basis. Again - when you say you are a perfectionist -- there's no such thing as "perfection" in competition or prep - there are so many moving components and variables that you can't stand back & just go "if it isn't perfect I'm not doign it" - BB competition requires you literally to step back & take a look at yourself & your goals. You either do it or you don't. If you aren't in a good place mentally to be able to choose to not worry or whine about the day to day stuff and focus on the goal, you are fine. If for whatever you can't, then it is on you to either suck it up & deal or reschedule or redefine your goals. And im' not saying this to attack you at all - every time I compete I go thru a daily questioning of what am I doign this for & can I really do it. It happens to everyone.

Here's where the best way I see to approach this is focus on the things you do have control of. If you know you are having trouble w/ the diet -- start a journal here - be very honest w/ yourself about what you are eating & if there are any cheats. Be very honest w/ yourself about how important is that cheat vs. how good you feel if you don't cheat. Be very honest w/ yourself about what is important to you - I've already physically thrown 3 jars of peanut butter out my back deck into this scrub area behind my house because that is my one easy downfall during competition time. If I get an urge for junk food - I'll get a Diet Coke, or some gum. Or get your mind on something else - a common distraction for me is to start practicing my posing or go thru a bunch of music developing my routine. Anythign to get off the food thing. Whatever it takes to make you focus on where you are trying toget to. What made me a regular on EF in 2000 was trying to make it to my next meal while I prepped for a show in November of that year. This is part of developing "behavior management" tools for you to help manage yourself & not become subject to your perceived urges.

If you are comfortable w/ it, I'd suggest reading the thread on "So you want to Compete" on the sticky section on the top of this board. And also read thru some of the journals, e.g. tps, Miss24K, Aries, even mine (sassy69) - we are all prepping for competition and daily competing against ourselves to maintain sanity in life while prepping. Also, journalling has been a useful tool to help review what you've done and also to keep yourself honest on what you are doijg for your prep. That gives us a running context to see how you are doing, keep tabs & throw in encouragement, answer questions, make comments as you go. Nothing but complete support here so I hope you think that would help - and it will help us to understand more where you are coming from w/ your own daily challenges.
 
Sassy69 said:
When is your competition & are there other show dates near that that you might also include as potential show dates? The reason I ask is that first time competitors (and often many shows after that) tend to come in better 2 weeks later even under the best conditions - there are so many variables in hitting a competition date, its nice to have at least one other date to either do as a second show or if for any reason you can't hit the first show (not saying to not do it if youaren't 100% ready - but rather if you get sick, if they cancel the show, whatever.)

Also I undertstand your goal of perfection -you might even tell me that you are like that even more than most, but I also have to say that you have to be very even keeled, realistic and very common sensical about competition. If you set yourself up for perfection on the first try, that's sort of setting yourself up for a guaranteed self-screwing. (I"m assuming this is your first show?) -- Even if you've trained your whole life, competition is a different beast. It often takes several show cycles of learning how your body reacts, building up lagging parts, improvign your self-confidence & presentation on stage, etc. to get "perfect" - so just want to make sure you are keeping this all in perspective. I've had some lifetime HYUGE highs and some lifetime devastating lows directly related to my experiences in BB competition -so its critical to be aware of the need for a good balance - I can tell you all about it but you will have to experience yourself & learn to deal w/ it on your own first.

The other aspect of competition is that it is literally a 24/7 training program - how you eat, what you eat, when you eat, training, cardio, recovery (!!!!), and then observing all of it to see how you respond to it and how you may or may not need to tweak it on a daily basis. Again - when you say you are a perfectionist -- there's no such thing as "perfection" in competition or prep - there are so many moving components and variables that you can't stand back & just go "if it isn't perfect I'm not doign it" - BB competition requires you literally to step back & take a look at yourself & your goals. You either do it or you don't. If you aren't in a good place mentally to be able to choose to not worry or whine about the day to day stuff and focus on the goal, you are fine. If for whatever you can't, then it is on you to either suck it up & deal or reschedule or redefine your goals. And im' not saying this to attack you at all - every time I compete I go thru a daily questioning of what am I doign this for & can I really do it. It happens to everyone.

Here's where the best way I see to approach this is focus on the things you do have control of. If you know you are having trouble w/ the diet -- start a journal here - be very honest w/ yourself about what you are eating & if there are any cheats. Be very honest w/ yourself about how important is that cheat vs. how good you feel if you don't cheat. Be very honest w/ yourself about what is important to you - I've already physically thrown 3 jars of peanut butter out my back deck into this scrub area behind my house because that is my one easy downfall during competition time. If I get an urge for junk food - I'll get a Diet Coke, or some gum. Or get your mind on something else - a common distraction for me is to start practicing my posing or go thru a bunch of music developing my routine. Anythign to get off the food thing. Whatever it takes to make you focus on where you are trying toget to. What made me a regular on EF in 2000 was trying to make it to my next meal while I prepped for a show in November of that year. This is part of developing "behavior management" tools for you to help manage yourself & not become subject to your perceived urges.

If you are comfortable w/ it, I'd suggest reading the thread on "So you want to Compete" on the sticky section on the top of this board. And also read thru some of the journals, e.g. tps, Miss24K, Aries, even mine (sassy69) - we are all prepping for competition and daily competing against ourselves to maintain sanity in life while prepping. Also, journalling has been a useful tool to help review what you've done and also to keep yourself honest on what you are doijg for your prep. That gives us a running context to see how you are doing, keep tabs & throw in encouragement, answer questions, make comments as you go. Nothing but complete support here so I hope you think that would help - and it will help us to understand more where you are coming from w/ your own daily challenges.

thanks for all your input. there are several shows back to back. originally i picked one in april, since i got off track i planned for one in early june but there are a few in july, aug and sept. so i've had that in my mind-like a backup plan. i know i can't be perfect and that's my continual struggle and part of the addiction. i do know it's a 24/7 thing, i eat 6 times a day at the same times, i make a fd pln on an excel spread sheet that calculates the grams etc., keeping track of everything, i keep a training/supp/food craving etc log plus a journal for writing thoughts/feelings. my life revolves around training/diet. i'm the most disciplined person i know and at the same time i'm plagued by this addiction. i've done a lot of recovery work and will continue to, but right now it's like i'm a an alcoholic trying to get sober while sitting at the bar. i will read those entries you suggested right now.
 
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