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Disturbing trend amongst alot of young guys i know that got married.....

Erzulie said:
oh i know

i got your k

its all about walk a mile in my shoes... go back a few years and see how you would tolerate it.

i married young, i admit that.. poor decision on my part and now i pay for it, so do my kids.

right now we are all happy, i maybe over compensate for my mistakes but never NEVER would i neglect my SO.

and im kids are well behaved.. yes mam no mam kids. I teach them well, despite the trials we go thru

Honey, I know.....I've given countless blood. I married the wrong woman..my point is that your life is valuable. Don't be completely condemed......you're just mom. Guess what, your children will appreciate you; My own mother carries guilt because I'm not perfect, it's not about her.....you are a good mother period! Quit trying to be perfect; It's impossible and your children will survive!
 
JavaGuru said:
Honey, I know.....I've given countless blood. I married the wrong woman..my point is that your life is valuable. Don't be completely condemed......you're just mom. Guess what, your children will appreciate you; My own mother carries guilt because I'm not perfect, it's not about her.....you are a good mother period! Quit trying to be perfect; It's impossible and your children will survive!


Thanks doll, i really appreciate that.

Sometimes we try to be 'prefect' and then we fail, making us feel worse off than before.

I do for my self, take time, relax, read, think... thats about what my down time is.. well besides sushi :p

My children are amazing, strong, solid... i have to say that comes from a strong upbrining even though recently its from a broken home. My demands have never changed though, i expect the same respect from them. They are amazing!

again sweet, thanks :rose:
 
immaturity is certainly a cause of many failed relationships. I believe the main cause among those that married young is that both parties haven't had the chance to grow as individuals. The 20's is the time that a person goes through the most rapid change and growth........you go to uni, get a job, social circle is changing, you pay tax, you move out etc........your personality starts to take hold and your likes and dislikes and values start developing. I believe a marriage will only work best these days when two people have had the chance to grow as individuals first.........for some people that's not until 35.......if so, so be it.

the other problem as i noted in the other thread is this notion of 'romantic' love that we seem to be obsessed about particularly in modern western society. You see it time and time again in other cultures and societies for example where marriages are arranged and the couples build love through friendship and respect, rather than the fire in the belly that we all seek in western cultures.......once the fire goes out, what are you left with?.........Divorce
 
Seen this a million times.

silverbackn said:
Women who don't respect themselves don't want to be treated well. They don't like themselvses so when you show that you liket them they resent you. A woman with a strong sense of self wants to be treated well, otherwise they want to be treated like dirt. I was with a girl who tried to get me to hit her, she liked the "honeymoon phase". Her ex used to beat her and she didn't understand how I could treat her so well. She had started to equate him hitting her with him caring deeply about her. She was an object to him. She never got it until it was too late. She left me to go back to him, she ended up in the hospital.
 
Erzulie said:
Thanks doll, i really appreciate that.

Sometimes we try to be 'prefect' and then we fail, making us feel worse off than before.

I do for my self, take time, relax, read, think... thats about what my down time is.. well besides sushi :p

My children are amazing, strong, solid... i have to say that comes from a strong upbrining even though recently its from a broken home. My demands have never changed though, i expect the same respect from them. They are amazing!

again sweet, thanks :rose:
You gave them a foundation and they will develop "in spite of you", if they're teens you know what I'm talking about. My mother was the perfect mom but any of my own failings she makes her own...I told her nobody could have done a better job..she still worries....it's a mom thing, Just understand your children have to make their own choices no matter how much you want to protect them The more freedom you give them the more successful they will be.....bet me and you'll owe me erzulie....
 
jujubes said:
Gee, that is impressive. So that's the road to intelligence and well-adjustment huh? Clutch pigskin and memorize the law. Give your head a shake because at the end of the day, you equate devoted parenting to an irrational concept.

Not only will my son continue to be sensitive, intelligent, active, and an all around great kid in the midst of my devotion, he will grow safe in the knowledge that he'll not be subjected to living a life with a father figure who posesses the warped views regarding family dynamics that someone such as yourself has to offer. The one language you neglected to teach yourself.

There needs to be more women like us in the raising of children[/QUOTE
]NEVER
Please, he'll be successful as the mama boy you're raising. You're breeding dependent and unless he has a job in your own family it isn't enough, he's dependent. My ex-wife describes me as the, "The Kindest man she has ever known." Her father is a UT professor and asked her to tell me that I'm," The most brilliant man he has ever known." Don't pretend you can challenge me, success is its own reward. If you want to raise a girly man that is your perogative but expect him to achieve to that level. I was blessed by parents who allowed me to be independent.
 
JavaGuru said:
You gave them a foundation and they will develop "in spite of you", if they're teens you know what I'm talking about. My mother was the perfect mom but any of my own failings she makes her own...I told her nobody could have done a better job..she still worries....it's a mom thing, Just understand your children have to make their own choices no matter how much you want to protect them The more freedom you give them the more successful they will be.....bet me and you'll owe me erzulie....


oh i know about freedom, and i give them alot. My kids are really open with me, which I love, they trust me. I could never in a million years ask for any more.

I know they both will make bad decisions despite my guidence and i know that they have to learn from their own decisions.

Im a very practical mom, i don't expect them to be perfect at all... i love them no matter what

Thank you darlin, really, hearing those words means aot :rose:
 
J, aren't you making the assumption that all people will react to the same stimulus in the same manner? Some people will be independant despite being taught otherwise, others will be dependant because they were taught that way.
 
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