Disturbing trend amongst alot of young guys i know that got married.....

[velvett]

Then, maybe its just me. Maybe I'm sensing what a bitter bunch of people post on this site. Maybe I'm just tired about reading why women are this, men are that, repubs are this, liberals are that, or why last night was so and so. Maybe I'm beginning to notice all the threads are the same.

Yep, it's just me.

Oh no, well you are right - but this thread hasn't yet turned into a personal attack and there have been some really great comments made by a lot of different people. So it might be man against woman (aren't they all though?) but it hasn't yet become nasty.

 

[nycgirl]

and this is why so many women end up single after the kids turn 18.

Your spouse should ALWAYS come first. Your kid turn 18 they go on to lead their own lives..they are their own entities.. they will grow up and move on.
But with that attitude you put them first.. and expect your spouse to just stand by .. a second class citizen in the household and marriage any wonder why they wander???
THIS is one of the main reasons why so many marriages fail.. women mistakingly make children the priority.
ONLY when they are extremely young should the come first..
but I dont really need to argue the point.. all ANYONE has to do is look at all the miserable housewives who end up divorced after 18 years of shitty marriage.. man finds himself a new lovely wife and she is this bitter old hag wondering where she went wrong.
This is one of the mopst BASIC differences between men and women. Men still consider their wife the priority even after children are born.. most women do not. The ones who find balance have good marriages.. and happy husbands who dont wander.
To each their own.. but I bet 99% of the married men here would agree and probably some of the married women if they were honest.

I agree with you and I'm not married. I witnessed this with my parents. Sadly, my mother went from her children to her grandchild. Sometimes I feel sorry for my dad. All my dad wanted more than anything was for her to say "how was your day?". I learned a very VALUABLE lesson from their marriage.

Women forget that their marriage/relationship also needs caring. They forget about their mates. If it isn't the children then its the careers. Some don't know how to balance everything.

 

[jnuts]

I was married later in my life. I think that fact has allowed me to weather the natural ups and downs that occur. No matter what, there will be ebbs and flows in a relationship.

 

[EnderJE]

and this is why so many women end up single after the kids turn 18.

Your spouse should ALWAYS come first. Your kid turn 18 they go on to lead their own lives..they are their own entities.. they will grow up and move on.

But with that attitude you put them first.. and expect your spouse to just stand by .. a second class citizen in the household and marriage any wonder why they wander???

THIS is one of the main reasons why so many marriages fail.. women mistakingly make children the priority.

ONLY when they are extremely young should the come first..


but I dont really need to argue the point.. all ANYONE has to do is look at all the miserable housewives who end up divorced after 18 years of shitty marriage.. man finds himself a new lovely wife and she is this bitter old hag wondering where she went wrong.

This is one of the mopst BASIC differences between men and women. Men still consider their wife the priority even after children are born.. most women do not. The ones who find balance have good marriages.. and happy husbands who dont wander.

To each their own.. but I bet 99% of the married men here would agree and probably some of the married women if they were honest.

Wouldn't it have been easier to say that nothing should come first carte blanche and that re-prioritization may be necessary from day to day from moment to moment?

Or do you really think that Erz will be one of those bitter old hags when the kid's 18 and you just wanted to stress your point?

Please note that I do agree. If one side always puts something first, then whatever is second will eventually leave and look for something that will put it first.

 

[javaguru]

Even Dr. Phil thinks women focus too much on the children.

 

[Frisky]

and this is why so many women end up single after the kids turn 18.

Your spouse should ALWAYS come first. Your kid turn 18 they go on to lead their own lives..they are their own entities.. they will grow up and move on.

But with that attitude you put them first.. and expect your spouse to just stand by .. a second class citizen in the household and marriage any wonder why they wander???

THIS is one of the main reasons why so many marriages fail.. women mistakingly make children the priority.

ONLY when they are extremely young should the come first..


but I dont really need to argue the point.. all ANYONE has to do is look at all the miserable housewives who end up divorced after 18 years of shitty marriage.. man finds himself a new lovely wife and she is this bitter old hag wondering where she went wrong.

This is one of the mopst BASIC differences between men and women. Men still consider their wife the priority even after children are born.. most women do not. The ones who find balance have good marriages.. and happy husbands who dont wander.

To each their own.. but I bet 99% of the married men here would agree and probably some of the married women if they were honest.

omg are you serious?

so you are saying i should put my kids second to some man?

fuck NO!

They are kids, and until they are out on their own they will be first in my life

maybe thats what is wrong with most men i meet... they put the bimbos first and their kids second.

Im fucking thrown back at your theory..

because i put my kids first doesn't at all mean that i ignore my SO.. i will and have always treated him with upmost respect, cared for him catered to him. But in the end, when it all boils down and you get some fucking selfish prick that doesn't care.... then my fucking kids come first.

Im NOT married... when i was this shit was so much easier, because we shared the love for OUR kids. Now that im not, finding someoen that will take a second seat to my kids is the key. I won't put some 'so so' realationship before them... and so im wrong?

get a fucking life.

Relationships are fly by night.. to raise my kids is pricelsess to me. You can't rewind the years you fucked up for some fling, seen it all happen.. i can have my time, when they are grown and on their own. I brought them into this world, they are my responsibility to care for and mentor to. If not for me what do they have.

 

[EnderJE]

blah blah blah

Here's a quick question. Which is more important...you kids or you?

 

[javaguru]

omg are you serious?

so you are saying i should put my kids second to some man?

fuck NO!

They are kids, and until they are out on their own they will be first in my life

maybe thats what is wrong with most men i meet... they put the bimbos first and their kids second.

Im fucking thrown back at your theory..

because i put my kids first doesn't at all mean that i ignore my SO.. i will and have always treated him with upmost respect, cared for him catered to him. But in the end, when it all boils down and you get some fucking selfish prick that doesn't care.... then my fucking kids come first.

Im NOT married... when i was this shit was so much easier, because we shared the love for OUR kids. Now that im not, finding someoen that will take a second seat to my kids is the key. I won't put some 'so so' realationship before them... and so im wrong?

get a fucking life.

Relationships are fly by night.. to raise my kids is pricelsess to me. You can't rewind the years you fucked up for some fling, seen it all happen.. i can have my time, when they are grown and on their own. I brought them into this world, they are my responsibility to care for and mentor to. If not for me what do they have.

Dr. Phil Disgarees and I know you women consider him the end all and be all of relationship analysis. He thinks women always putting their children first is destructive; He claims women should put themselves before their children on occasion. I know you're trained otherwise but he is the soccer mom guru. BTW, the fact you're having "so so" relationships with men says a lot, IMO.

 

[EnderJE]

Dr. Phil Disgarees and I know you women consider him the end all and be all of relationship analysis. He thinks women always putting their children first is destructive; He claims women should put themselves before their children on occasion. I know you're trained otherwise but he is the soccer mom guru. BTW, the fact you're having "so so" relationships with men says a lot, IMO.

<gets popcorn>

 

[Frisky]

Here's a quick question. Which is more important...you kids or you?

my kids by FAR

i've let many of things go due to their best interest, relationships, jobs, etc

They had no choice in their existance, I brought them here and its my responsibility to take care of them

I don't make my SO feel neglected, never did.. but in instances where its my kids are him its a no brainer that i will chose my kids.

Why in the fuck does that make me a bad person? You fucking men want a woman that will be a mentor, to take care of your kids, have them love them and mentor them.. and the first fucking second you get put on the back shelf so that we can tend to them you get all bent out of shape.

Grow the fuck up already.

They are innocent and young, not able to fend for theirselves, molding to what it is that they are surronded by, absorbing everything like a sponge.

If im a horrible person then so fucking beit, im horrible. My X was completetly happy with how i respected and treated him, despite having two kids. There is a time for everything and when kids are in the equation you tend to cast all other issues aside and deal with them first.

If i'd do otherwise i'd be a horrible mom by all of your standards.. its a fucking lose / lose situation