Started dating an Older Woman... need opinions from both sexes!

[velvett]

You are completely missing my point Vinylgroover and perhaps that's my own fault.

AGE - years on earth has little to do with where in your life you are and what you are ready for in life.

To assume that a 30 something woman just wants and is ready for marriage and babies is ignorant, as ignorant as a man putting a # to when he KNOWS he will be ready for such commitments.

It seems to be you want to make this a male vs. female thing and it's not. Both he and she should have known what they were getting into. By this thread it is pretty clear that they know that there is a potential problem in the future of their relationship.

The only point I want to stress that AGE does not predict want someone needs and wants regardless of sex.

 

[vinylgroover]

If you've followed any of my 2300 posts here you'd know i don't get into that female bashing rubbish that goes on around here..... it doesn't interest me.

I probably am guilty of missing your point and i do agree with age having nothing to do with being a predictor of future behaviour.

I just think you were a little harsh in dismissing his behaviour as immature. He has obviously had discussions with her, i don't think what he has said here are all his assumptions based on generalisations as regard to her wanting to have kids immediately. I mean they have obviously talked.........enough for him to realise that maybe it's not the right situation for him and they are obviously now bringing the issues into the open.

As someone who will be entering the 3's in a matter of months, i am only too aware of how i would feel if i was being judged solely on my age.

 

[velvett]

I just think you were a little harsh in dismissing his behaviour as immature.

Actually I don't there was any immaturity quite frankly, i was just responding to your comment of:

Why did she marry him in the first place if she knew he didn't want kids? Doesn't that suggest immaturity on her part.

You nor I know for fact that she knew he didn't want kids and there are many cases where when you first marry you think you want things, then times passes and you find out you really don't. Then there are more unfortunately cases where you find out that the future of a relationship is lacking and the *I don't want what you want* comes into play.

Either way, it sucks to jive with someone and you realize you can't or won'tlet yourself be them for whatever the reason may be.

 

[StoneColdGold]

wow i can't believe how much attention this is getting. this could be saving me hundreds of dollars in psycho-therapy fees!!!

some clarification:

when this woman got married, her husband told her he wanted kids. he then kept putting if off apparently, and eventually told her he didn't want kids. i think this was kind of the final straw. he had already been caught cheating on her. the poor girl... she talks about having wasted so many years and it makes me so sad...

the real dilemma is this: she DOES want kids... and if she's going to have them, better sooner than later. I ALSO want kids, but i KNOW for a fact i'm not even close to being ready. I'm still taking care of myself. I'm not ready to care for a helpless human being. By the time I AM ready, she may not want to have kids at her age, or may not even be able.

i went to her place and talked to her about it. we had already traded e-mails where i told her my stance. i asked her tonight if i said anything in those e-mails that came as a shock, or if everything had already occurred to her. she admitted that she'd already thought about everything i said. to see the look on her face when she thought i was saying i didn't want to be with her was like someone stabbing an icepick into my soul.

things are only further complicated by the fact that i'm leaving in two months to play football, and my future for the next 5 years while I pursue my pro career is as far from solid as can be. I could conceivably not live in the same place twice during the next 5 years.

having said all that, she still continues to amaze and astonish me with her astuteness, spiritual awareness, and depth of love. there is no way i can be in the same state as her and not be with her. god help me.

 

[velvett]

I'm stand here in the corner and sob, excuse me.



Bittersweet, Stonecold, very bittersweet.

 

[StoneColdGold]

I'm stand here in the corner and sob, excuse me.



Bittersweet, Stonecold, very bittersweet.

sorry about that, velvett... didn't mean to make you cry!

 

[Night Fly]

So...have you decided what you are going to do or is this something that you are going to take day by day?