Started dating an Older Woman... need opinions from both sexes!

[StoneColdGold]

first, i appreciate all the opinions and advice.

i will talk to her this weekend and tell her where i stand. she definitely deserves to know what i think so that she can make a decision about what to do.

NF--this is so tough, because on one hand i truly am falling in love with her and enjoy being with her so much. but i do know in my heart that it cannot end in marriage.

PhatChick-- adoption is certainly something i would consider, but i have always wanted several of my own.

Austin-- i hear you. i'd be lying if i said i hadn't considered it. when i'm 30 and ready to get married, do i want to START my married life with a woman who is 39 or one who is 29?

vinyl-- i don't think its a passing thing. its amazing how women respond to a man who treats them properly, especially after they've been treated like dirt. i honestly think if i asked her to marry me tomorrow, she would say yes.

Jetisin-- i think thats exactly the point... one of the reasons she split with her ex was because he didn't want to have kids. but i'm not ready to have kids right now, and its kinda reaching "now or never" for her. so maybe she needs to be with someone who is ready to give her children now. i'm not even close.

 

[velvett]

Yah, us over 30 females should just go outside and shoot ourselves because clearly we're dead and worthless at 40 anyway.

 

[c-sharp minor]

Yah, us over 30 females should just go outside and shoot ourselves because clearly we're dead and worthless at 40 anyway.

But if you all did that, then who would perform in MILFHUNTER?

 

[The Shadow]

Yah, us over 30 females should just go outside and shoot ourselves

.....I thought that was Standard Operating Procedure....

 

[big4life]

Yah, us over 30 females should just go outside and shoot ourselves because clearly we're dead and worthless at 40 anyway.

Buy I like women over 30.


They are fun to be with.

Even though they are not older than me, but who is?

 

[PolishHammer1977]

Stone,
Atta boy. Proud of you man. I will break it down to you like this;
Be straght and to the point. She has seen more years than you and bullshit as well. Be open and more importantly honest......about everyhting. Things will fall into place then. Good luck.

 

[Vixi]

i am definitely falling in love with this woman. she is smart, beautiful, spiritual, funny, and thinks i'm the greatest thing ever, which doesn't hurt. we've been spending a lot of time together, talking, laughing, sharing. i've also had more sex in the last 2 weeks than i'd had in the previous 25 years! she has the most voracious sexual appetite i've ever experienced from a woman first hand.

BUT >.... she doesn't cut it as a viable partner for your longterm goals.

You do whatever is best for you but I can't help but say that this makes me sad. Her only "true" value in the long run, is if she can make your babies? It would be best for you to remain friends if this is the case. Don't lead her along hoping for something that you don't see happening. That wastes her precious time, too. She probably has some unspoken concerns as well when it comes to you being younger. Might be a good time to talk to her about them before much more time goes by and the bond gets even stronger and saying goodbye gets even more painful.

... coming from a successful, childless, about to be 35 year old woman recently, delightfully divorced from a man 6 years younger ...

 

[StoneColdGold]

well it didn't wait until this weekend. in trading e-mails today at work, she mentioned being "worried about what will happen with us" and was "very aware that our life together is up in the air."

once she expressed these things, i felt it was the appropriate time to address my concerns, which I did. i thought based on what she said that she would understand. i guess in some ways she did, and in some ways she didn't... but she's definitely confused and in pain, and i feel like the biggest asshole of all time.

velvett-- i don't believe i indicated anything like that. am i being unreasonable to suggest that our age/life situation differences might present some impassable obstacles? it has nothing to do with just her being 30+. if i were 30+ and had been through a try at marriage and family, i wouldn't be having this conversation... i'd be proposing to the girl.

Hammer-- thank you... i appreciate it.

Vixi-- thank you for understanding. i don't think its unreasonable to base relationship decisions on whether or not your goals are compatible. people do it all the time. i'd like to think that i'm not being a complete jerk just because MY particular goals center around having a family.

 

[velvett]

velvett-- i don't believe i indicated anything like that. am i being unreasonable to suggest that our age/life situation differences might present some impassable obstacles? it has nothing to do with just her being 30+.

You're not being unreasonable - not at all, selfish perhaps. You don't know yet that she wants to shack up and make babies and from what it seems it wouldn't matter because it seems you think you have your life planned out.

It has everything to do with age and what you perceive her age in x amount will prevent you from attaining your goal when you do not even know for sure what her goals are for her future.

I'm sorry if it came off harsh but your perception is a very ture one and a widespread one.

her age isn't a problem for me now. but i can't help but look to the future. i have always wanted a big family. when i'm 30 years old and ready to begin that family, she will be almost 39. obviously, this isn't exactly the beginning of a woman's prime child-bearing years.

Women near and over 40 can have children and why do you have a hang up that you can't start a family before 30? Why should it be geared to the preset age YOU have in your mind?

if i were 30+ and had been through a try at marriage and family, i wouldn't be having this conversation... i'd be proposing to the girl..

How do you know that if you were already married and divorced that you would be proposing? You could be going through a woman hating, small mid-life crisis instead. You really can't predict anything in life, only keep hoping for the best and have a back-up plan when your master plan sours.

I guess in the future you will have to make sure you can find all that you want in a woman and she is still a young enough pony for you to keep her barefoot and pregnant for a few years.


In ten years you may understand where I'm coming from.

 

[Night Fly]

Velvett...

That seemed a bit harsh on your part. He already stated that she was at the point in her life right now where she wanted kids soon! He is nowhere near wanting kids! He may be being a bit selfish, but he is at that point in his life where he needs to be...and so is the woman he is seeing.

I think the hang up about his family life is this. He's at an age where he still is selfish about what he wants and what he wants to do. I, for one, am thankful that there are still people in this world who do not want to have kids until they are ready to not be selfish anymore. You can't have children and still want to do for yourself and your S.O...children take up all your time. A selfish person will resent the child. I've seen it happen so many times.

Anyway, I can honestly see where your argument is coming from...I can. I guess in his case because he is 'hung up' on her age thing...well...he won't be able to get past it. So...obviously this is not the right relationship for him.