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New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.


Welcome to the EliteFitness.com Bodybuilding Site! Please join this discussion about New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc. within the Elite Between the Sheets category.

Excerpt: Hold on and read this...it's "out there". My wife and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this year. I am 57...she is 51. When we first met in '92 we both had a strong libido and were all over each other most of the time. We lived together for almost 3 years before we were married and sex was great and often. Just prior to getting married she discovered that she had Multiple Sclerosis and told me that she would understand if I wanted to "bail". I love this woman and said "Hell No!!" and we

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  1. #1
    Good Broly straitedge52's Avatar
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    New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    Hold on and read this...it's "out there".

    My wife and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this year. I am 57...she is 51. When we first met in '92 we both had a strong libido and were all over each other most of the time. We lived together for almost 3 years before we were married and sex was great and often. Just prior to getting married she discovered that she had Multiple Sclerosis and told me that she would understand if I wanted to "bail". I love this woman and said "Hell No!!" and we pulled the trigger.

    As the years went by we found ourselves separated by time in that I was working long hours to make the income and she was at home dealing with her condition and becoming more and more depressed as she saw her beautiful body start to go south as a result of lack of exercise and fatigue associated with the MS. I fell into the trap of eating on the road and picking "garbage" up for dinner on the way home most nights so she wouldn't have to cook. I began to see my own body headed downhill because of this.

    Time marches on and waits for no one and my sex drive fell off as a result of my eating habits and lack of exercise and I just thought "Oh well...it is what it is". She was put on a Interferon injectable MS drug 3 years into this and despite the side effects started to show some improvement. The sex started to improve but was short lived due to her having a trip and fall accident in 2001. She suffered a broken ankle and herniated disc in her neck and back and was put on pain meds {Morphine, Kadian, Duragesic, Percocet, and now Roxicodone) as a bandaid to help her cope with the pain. Sex became a memory.

    We became one those "Fuddy Duddy" middle aged couples that just plotted along day by day without a whole lot to look forward to.

    Suddenly...one day in the fall of 2008, I read an article about Andropause, HRT and how I didn't have to wait to die from old age. I went to a wellness Dr., had the blood tests done and found that I was "low normal" in testosterone and could benefit from HRT. I was 6-2, 305 w/ a BMI of 34%. Fast forward to today...I am 250 w/ a BMI of 14%!!! .....BIG CHANGE!!! My libido has skyrocketed and I am hornier than a 3 dicked Billy Goat most of the time.

    Needless to say, as I noticed the changes in myself, I realized that my wife was not going to be able to keep up. I had her see the same Dr., who is also an orthopedic specialist with Dr.s of several orthopedic disciplines in his practice. She had a full female panel run and we found that she was f*cked up as a football bat w/regard to hormones and she started working on limited HRT as well as nutrition and diet. In the past year she has lost 35 lbs but still has the pain and is still limited in what she can do exercise wise.

    OK...now you have the back story....now for the good part.

    Even though I was starting to look good and must say that now I look and feel 25 years younger...she didn't take any real interest in me. Maybe it was because we neglected each other for so long that there was a mental block between us relative to us engaging in love making. I have taken care of my needs with internet porn and have from time to time gone to her and asked if there was anything I could do for her.I have always gotten a negative response...but all the while pushing her with the diet and nutrition. I still continue to hit the gym 3 days a week and am still hoping for the signal from her that "it's time". Understand that my wife is still very attractive even though she is 30~40 lbs overweight.

    I took notice that she had become very active in Facebook and AIM and will often times be up late into the wee hours "chatting online with her friends". I figured all of this was harmless until one day last week. She had been telling me about contacting an old male neighborhood friend and classmate from her hometown. Over the past 8~10 months she would mention speaking to this guy and then a month or so ago ..let's call him "Bill", told her that he would be in the "area" and would like to see her. She asked me what I thought and I told her to make it a public place, let me know where she was and how long, etc. I had no problem with the whole thing since it isn't often that you get to see friends from 30+ years ago. She was apprehensive about this whole thing due to her appearance changing over the years and I told her that it would be fine.

    The appointed day came around and just happened to co-inside with a Drs appointment that she had. I usually went with her to these Dr. appointments and said to her that since she was meeting her friend close by afterward perhaps she could introduce him to me, I could excuse myself and let them chat. "NO..he doesn't want to meet you" she said (Clue No. 1). I asked why and was told that he was shy and felt uncomfortable. I thought this was a bit strange but agreed. We agreed that we would go to the Drs appointment together in separate vehicles at 4 PM and that she would give me her Rx as we left...I would then go to the drug store, have Rx filled and have ready when she got home from her visit. She was to leave the Drs office and meet "Bill" at a local Carabas for a drink or two and be home by 7 PM. We arrived at the Drs office and I waited in the lobby as she went in for her check up. After about 45 min I went out to the parking lot to get some air ad noticed that her car was gone. (Clue No 2) I went back in and asked the receptionist where she was and was told that she left 20 minutes ago. I asked how she got past me without me seeing her and they said she went out the back door and gave me her Rx. I thanked them and went to my truck, called her cell and got voice mail. I asked in a message how long was she going to let me sit before she let me know she left? I drove by the Carabas where she was supposed to be and her car was not there. Long story short...I did not see or hear from her until 9:30 PM when she got home. When I asked why she didn't call she said that her phone turned off and that she didn't get my calls. She said "Bill" decided that he wanted to go over to a restaurant near his hotel 20 miles away and she followed him there.

    By now you can figure that I am pissed off as a motherfucker and shit is flying all over our house. She swore her innocence and we got to bed about 4 AM. This all happened a week ago and over the next 2 days I found a way to hack her AOL E-mail anm AIM and discovered that she had been in "erotic chat" with this prick for several months. In the 2 days after their meeting I read and copied blow by blow replay of what they did (no intercourse but close) and what they were going to do next time. I discovered that he is an attorney and had used his firms e-mail to send her pics of him jerking off in the office last December...what a stupid bastard!!!( I have copies.) I kept casually asking her if there was anything else she wanted to tell me and kept getting " Nothing happened...you're over reacting". I let the line out a few more times and then I laid it on her...I know everything, I have copies of all of the e-mail and text sessions...I know every thing that you two have said to each other for the past 8 months. There was some continued denial and then she started talking about the thrill of something new and different....then suddenly...when I showed her what I had...I could see her shut down completely as she read what she had typed in the text sessions. It read like the script of a porno movie. At first she was angry with me for discovering all of this. That has transitioned to statements like "The guy is a pin head and I could barely stand being next to him". She told me that she let him kiss her and rub her boobs but stopped him because she felt violated. She told me that when she told him she had to go he gave he $1000. I told her that there is a term for that...she really got pissed off then and shut down. She has since told me that she can't believe she typed the things that she did. I think this guy might be one of these manipulative bastards that is a control freak.

    In the meantime, I sent this asshole an e-mail with copies of this shit and told him that if he ever contacted her again I would give him a war that he can only imagine. I sent him copies of his firms web site...his home address, wife's name and map to his house. I told him that I wanted an acknowledgment and contact within the next 24 hours or I would let the "missiles fly"...he called me within 4 hours and surrendered totally. He sent a confirming e-mail and apologized. I told him that any breach of this would result in immediate termination of his current lifestyle....he understood.

    I have scheduled a marriage counselor for next week and told my wife that attendance was mandatory. I am looking to have normal marital relations with her and she said it would take a while for her to warm back up to me. I will give it a bit of time...how long I don't know. We are being civil to each other now while realizing that we are tip toeing through a mine field.

    So gang...there you have it. I am open to comments and suggestions. Have I discovered a new vice that is tied to the internet...sort of like "online fantasy" that in this case almost became total reality? Do we need a marriage counselor or a sex therapist ...or both?

  2. #2
    whatev trex74's Avatar
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    Wow.
    !5 years of marriage and then this happens. You must feel awful. Mad, sad, betrayed. I'm impressed that you want to fix this.
    Personally, I am not so sure that i would be so forgiving, despite the history. Sounds to me like she played you. Lying, evading you, changing her story, accepting money for sex?????
    She has major issues that she needs to work on, yes definitely. She should see a psychologist and figure out why she thinks it is OK to behave this way to you after 15 years of marriage. She is filled with deceit, and only admitted it after you proved it to her. maybe if she had come clean on her own I would see this differently, but that is not the case.
    She said she felt "violated". Well she is the one who instigated this, from chatting, sending erotic messages, meeting the guy, and (probably) having sex with him for money. Sounds to me like you are the one who is "violated".
    You sound like a real nice guy, I don't think you really need any help, she does, and only when she has straightened out her part in all this mess should you agree to continue with your relationship and seek marriage counseling.
    I'd leave her for the time being until she truly does the work to get help. Assuming you still want to be with her. Me, I wouldn't, I'd leave someone permanently on these grounds.
    Good luck, stay strong, and do what you feel in your heart to be the best for YOU.

  3. #3
    Good Broly straitedge52's Avatar
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    Quote Quote posted by trex74 View Post
    Wow.
    !5 years of marriage and then this happens. You must feel awful. Mad, sad, betrayed. I'm impressed that you want to fix this.
    Personally, I am not so sure that i would be so forgiving, despite the history. Sounds to me like she played you. Lying, evading you, changing her story, accepting money for sex?????
    She has major issues that she needs to work on, yes definitely. She should see a psychologist and figure out why she thinks it is OK to behave this way to you after 15 years of marriage. She is filled with deceit, and only admitted it after you proved it to her. maybe if she had come clean on her own I would see this differently, but that is not the case.
    She said she felt "violated". Well she is the one who instigated this, from chatting, sending erotic messages, meeting the guy, and (probably) having sex with him for money. Sounds to me like you are the one who is "violated".
    You sound like a real nice guy, I don't think you really need any help, she does, and only when she has straightened out her part in all this mess should you agree to continue with your relationship and seek marriage counseling.
    I'd leave her for the time being until she truly does the work to get help. Assuming you still want to be with her. Me, I wouldn't, I'd leave someone permanently on these grounds.
    Good luck, stay strong, and do what you feel in your heart to be the best for YOU.
    I hear you on the deceit issue. I asked her about that and she said that she was afraid of my anger!!!! Seriously? Duh... what did she think would happen.

    As far as the money is concerned...I don't think she was expecting that...honestly I think that is part of the MO of this guy because he is accustomed to paying.

    Realize that I am thinking the MS and the mental lapses that it can cause may play into this.

    The biggest hurt to me right now is that she isn't willing to have sex with me to at least show the beginnings of re-building. Is she really turned off by us going so long without?

  4. #4
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    he just touched her boobs and kissed her? if thats all that happened and i was married for 15 years i might be able to get passed it. anything more and im out. i bet she would have felt really lonely if you left her after 15 years and this dude doesnt even live by her. Like you said i would have been fucking livid!! the part where she left you at the doctors office is just insane..

  5. #5
    Good Broly straitedge52's Avatar
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    Quote Quote posted by twenty47 View Post
    he just touched her boobs and kissed her? if thats all that happened and i was married for 15 years i might be able to get passed it. anything more and im out. i bet she would have felt really lonely if you left her after 15 years and this dude doesnt even live by her. Like you said i would have been fucking livid!! the part where she left you at the doctors office is just insane..
    Yeah dude...this POS lives 1000 miles from here and has a wife and 2 kids. He knows I have him by the nuts if he even farts in this direction.

    I honestly think that she might take her own life if I dumped her...seriously.

  6. #6
    twenty47's Avatar
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    how do girls get so emotional and plan shit like this!!! she hasnt seen the fuck in 30 years and she can just meet him up for shit like this. god damn. i think you handled it good, me being imature and raging i might have driven to his house and fucked something up. not like he would be able to do shit if he doesnt want his kiddies and wife finding out.

  7. #7
    Da Pope
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    i'd contact that doodes wife anyways. Fuck him...

  8. #8
    whatev trex74's Avatar
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    Quote Quote posted by straitedge52 View Post
    I hear you on the deceit issue. I asked her about that and she said that she was afraid of my anger!!!! Seriously? Duh... what did she think would happen.

    As far as the money is concerned...I don't think she was expecting that...honestly I think that is part of the MO of this guy because he is accustomed to paying.

    Realize that I am thinking the MS and the mental lapses that it can cause may play into this.

    The biggest hurt to me right now is that she isn't willing to have sex with me to at least show the beginnings of re-building. Is she really turned off by us going so long without?
    really? afraid of your anger? are you a violent person? it sounds like she's blaming YOU for this.
    she is playing a victim card because she hopes you will fall for it. so she now says she is afraid of you after 15 years of marriage...does she not know you by this time?
    that's so pathetic, she does not have any right to play that card unless you have given her cause.
    if it's mental lapses, then where does the preplanning of the meet-up figure in? This is premeditated and executed with prior knowledge of how this will affect you. and she did it anyway.
    If she has threatened suicide, or if she does, you have the duty to call 911, but she does not have the right to hold you hostage with the threat of suicide. that's just cruel on her part.
    I'll give you some insight into women, she is not having sex with you because she does not feel close to you. For some reason, she feels the need to shut you out, and seek comfort in the chat rooms/facebook with other men.

  9. #9
    whatev trex74's Avatar
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    You know, the more I think about your wife, the more I am starting to think that she has put herself into a certain role that she thinks she has to play-the sick person who needs lots and lots of attention, but will not return the favour.
    This might be a deep psychological issue that she needs to resolve.
    When she told you she wanted to feel the thrill of something new and different, it could have been her realizing just how far she has painted herself into a corner in terms of not creating a life that she is happy with.
    Do you baby her too much? Is she allowed to get away with things you wouldn't expect to get away with yourself if the roles were reversed?
    What WOULD happen if the roles were reversed?
    While her disease is debilitating and definitely affects your life, it still does not give her the right to take out on you some kind of misplaced passive-aggressive anger about her life.
    Is she able to exercise? If she is medically fit to drive a car, i am sure she is capable of redefining her body just like you have. Maybe she has given up on herself, and relies on you to fill in the blanks of her life.

  10. #10
    Good Broly straitedge52's Avatar
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    Re: New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.

    I look at it this way...either she is going to have an "epiphany" and realize that she has almost f*cked up the best thing that has ever happened to her and get her mind straight on reality or...she will blow up and meltdown ultimately ending up on the streets or in a mental institution.

    She has a large family and has alienated every single one of them to the point that they will not speak to her at all. She blames them for all and any problems that she has had in her life associated with events that happened over 20 years ago....years before we met.

    I have assumed the role of loving and caring husband...trying to treat her as kindly as I can....I am not violent but do have a temper. She on the other hand has a violent temper and will on occasion throw things while she is screaming and yelling...she squeezed her finger nails into my right arm over the weekend and brought blood.

    As far as not feeling comfortable with me...she told me last night that she was starting to feel more comfortable with me but stayed up last night till 5 AM on the chat lines with some other guy from her home town that is my age and married. She said he's having problems and she's trying to help him through it...give me a friggin break. She's in bed asleep now.

    I think I'll head over to the gym , hit some Iron and give this a break for a while. I finished some paper work and deserve a break...besides...The Iron is always the same...it treats everyone the same way and never talks back or has an attitude...it's predictable.

    Stay tuned.
    Last edited by straitedge52; 22-Apr-2010 at 03:42 PM.

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