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lookinfit75
New member
Shocking. I am subscribing just so I can continue to read tomorrow. Good luck my friend. You are a much better man than I as I would have left right then and there.
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New reality...HRT...being married,,sex,etc.
- Thread starter straitedge52
- Start date
Straitedge,
I agree with many here that you have handled this very well. And it's obvious that you want to save this marraige which is very inderstandable given that it's been 15 years and she has MS and many other issues.
However, you seem to be in denial. She absolutely cheated on you. You can be 100% certain that she planned to meet the other guy, intentionally ditched you at the Dr's office, then did things that violated your marraige vows.
The violation of your trust is 100% on her and she still is not taking responsibility for it. I commend you for trying to save this marraige but you need to remain a man in both her eyes and your own.
It's time to make an ultimatum; she completely gives up Facebook, AOL, and on-line chatting; and, you know of her whereabouts at all times and her cell phone stays on, or you walk. Those conditions are completely justified under the curcumstances and should stay in place for as long as it takes for her to earn your trust back.
You cannot have a relationship without trust and if she's not willing to earn yours back, then you're just wasting time and prolonging your pain. Give her the choice and walk if she does not agree. You don't have to divorce right away and you can continue to go to marraige counceling, but her EARNING back your trust has to be an absolute condition of you staying with her. It's the only way a relationship can survive after something like this.
I really feel for you. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.
I agree with many here that you have handled this very well. And it's obvious that you want to save this marraige which is very inderstandable given that it's been 15 years and she has MS and many other issues.
However, you seem to be in denial. She absolutely cheated on you. You can be 100% certain that she planned to meet the other guy, intentionally ditched you at the Dr's office, then did things that violated your marraige vows.
The violation of your trust is 100% on her and she still is not taking responsibility for it. I commend you for trying to save this marraige but you need to remain a man in both her eyes and your own.
It's time to make an ultimatum; she completely gives up Facebook, AOL, and on-line chatting; and, you know of her whereabouts at all times and her cell phone stays on, or you walk. Those conditions are completely justified under the curcumstances and should stay in place for as long as it takes for her to earn your trust back.
You cannot have a relationship without trust and if she's not willing to earn yours back, then you're just wasting time and prolonging your pain. Give her the choice and walk if she does not agree. You don't have to divorce right away and you can continue to go to marraige counceling, but her EARNING back your trust has to be an absolute condition of you staying with her. It's the only way a relationship can survive after something like this.
I really feel for you. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.
Having her do the things in red means he can pretty much never trust her near a computer or on her own, if he cant trust her in these circumstances I dont think there is much to salvage....
Oh and based on your posts (original poster) please remember that her having sex wont save the marriage, you seem to be very centric in having sex so everything will be ok and back to normal....
He can't trust her in those circumstances; her actions have proven that.
If she's not willing to own up to that and walk the line for a year or more to prove she's on the straight and narrow, then she doesn't want to save the marraige.
For Straitedge to just trust her outright again right away would be insanity.
BTW, I agree with you on the sex issue. But that's the way men are wired; we look to sex as reassurance because if a woman is willing to take care of us in that way, everything MUST be ok.
At least that's the way it seems to us ;-)
Exactly. How far is she willing to go for her marriage? But it's so easy to play the victim, that doing the hard work just seems too, well, hard for some people.
Much easier to deny it and be hard done by. It's all the other person's fault. in every situation.
If I were straightedge I would require this of her as well. No computer. No trust till it's earned.
I agree, my wires are a bit mixed and I'm the kind that sex makes it all better
what I am stating is be careful because it wont, dont pass up on sex if it is possible though 
straitedge52
New member
I agree, my wires are a bit mixed and I'm the kind that sex makes it all better
OK...got past that hurdle.
I went to counseling Monday...wife had backache. Therapist said BS...she's playing the sick card. I'll deal with her when and if she comes. Said I was beating myself up to much...let it flow how it will flow.
I think I'll go pour gasoline on the GD bonfire...met an awesome 35 year old at the gym that handed me her number the first time...second time she took my Blackberry away from me, ran into the women s locker room and put her number in it. I called her...meeting for coffee in the AM...this is nuts but it takes my mind off what is really nuts.
Wife is making bedroom eyes at me...I feel like I'm juggling hand grenades over here.
I think the gym rat just want's to put my notch on her purse...not my first rodeo..I can dis-connect.
Stay Tuned
May you live as long as you want to and want to as long as you live.
straitedge52
New member
OK...got that taken care of. Now...as I get into this more I have found a second, more recent individual that is sending salacious e-mails and texts to my wife...and to beat hell she has participated!!!!WTF!!!! I think I am dealing with a whole different problem in an internet addiction.
I have copied all of these things and shown them to her and she can't remember typing/saying the things that she said!!! I am thinking she has a virtual vs reality problem and the lines between them are getting blurred. I am going to set up a visit with a psychologist for her...this is really sad.
Has anyone heard of this condition?
I have copied all of these things and shown them to her and she can't remember typing/saying the things that she said!!! I am thinking she has a virtual vs reality problem and the lines between them are getting blurred. I am going to set up a visit with a psychologist for her...this is really sad.
Has anyone heard of this condition?
Ummmm I am very sorry to say that I think she is lying to you about not remembering writing those emails/texts.
She is playing you, and you are too nice to realize that...because you want to believe otherwise.
Why have these memory lapses only shown up in connection with her cheating on you? And not in other, more day-to-day events?
Fishy. Very, very fishy. I'd confront her with that and see what she says THEN.
Let her set up her own meetings with psychologists/doctors, if she's worried about her memory she will. If she's not, she won't.
Either this is too painful for you to actually face; or this whole thread is BS.
She intentionally ditched you at the Dr. Office and you still won't believe that she is flat out lying? Stop putting up with crap like that and move the hell out.
She's playing you because she believes she can get away with it.
