sorry, i'm not puddles, but i'll try to give some input too.
anal-ease has some local analgesic that will make it a bit easier for the woman to take you if she's feels that anal penetration is painful. it will obviously make your pecker numb too like you said.
the lube with the best lubricating properties would be the eros bodyglide (silicone based), however, that is extremely expensive compared to other silicone based lubes. if you don't want to spend $20 - $25 for a 100ml bottle of eros then you can try ID millenium or wet platinum. These are typically half the price of the Eros brand. Wet platinum usually goes for around $12 and ID millenium for around $13 for ~100ml.
If silicone based products are too irratating to your or her skin then the best water based lubes are also from Eros, but again, very expensive. Love Jam Spring Water is the best lube for the value, but not sold in very many stores. You can also try regular ID lube and Wet, both come in flavors or original (in case you wanna toss the salad later). If you want something a bit thicker (gel consistency) you can try the Foreplay brand of lubes. I think both foreplay and ID come with options for nonoxyl-9, aloe vera, and some other additives.