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i think we've lost that "spark"


Welcome to the EliteFitness.com Bodybuilding Site! Please join this discussion about i think we've lost that "spark" within the Elite Between the Sheets category.

Excerpt: Im not sure what to think about this situation. On the one hand, my girlfriend is by far my best friend. I totally trust her, we have common interests, she has a great sense of humor. Weve been together for almost three and a half years, except for a couple of three month interludes that have occurred in the last fifteen months. The problem is our sex life rather lack of. And Im completely ashamed to admit that the problem is coming from my end. For lack of a better way of describing

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  1. #1
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    i think we've lost that "spark"

    Im not sure what to think about this situation. On the one hand, my girlfriend is by far my best friend. I totally trust her, we have common interests, she has a great sense of humor. Weve been together for almost three and a half years, except for a couple of three month interludes that have occurred in the last fifteen months. The problem is our sex life rather lack of. And Im completely ashamed to admit that the problem is coming from my end. For lack of a better way of describing it, I almost just feel like that spark has been lost somehow. I love this girl so much, I think about spending the rest of my life with her at times. Shes got a lot going for her, good family, pretty, will soon be an RN. My family loves her, and my fathers wife has even told me that she thought after she met her that I would end up marrying her. She cares about me a lot as well. We still spend a lot of time together, but our sex life has been practically nil for more than a year. Seriously, I think I might be able to count on two hands the number of times weve done it in the last year - and that counts a two week vacation together that we took in the summertime. We usually sleep in the same bed at least once per week, maybe more. I thought for awhile that maybe I just had low testosterone levels or something because Ive had a little bit more off time recently, but I now know that cant be the case. I still get hard-ons when Im sleeping or if Im just with myself, if you know what I mean. When Im around her though, my sexual feelings go completely out the window. I love just sitting with her, or touching her in an intimate, but non-sexual way. Maybe Ive just grown TOO comfortable with her (?). Our sexual chemistry wasnt always this poor, but I knew from the beginning that it wasnt as strong as some other relationships that I have had. When we first got together, we were doing it all the time. And since I have known her as well, I was with somebody else for about six months. The sex with this other girl was fantastic, but I knew we werent right together. With my girlfriend, I feel right about being with her, but this problem doesnt seem to be getting any better its getting worse. Am I just totally fucked up in the head? I swear to you, you would look at this girl and wonder what the hell I am thinking. She tall, trim, athletic looking, blond hair, cute. And I just dont want to do her for some reason. She means the world to me, but Im starting to get seriously concerned about how compatible we really are together if my feelings for her arent sexual. I dont want to break up with her because it would mean losing my best friend, and this is really the only problem we have but I would consider it a big one. She has been totally understanding with me and is not going to leave me or anything, but I know this girl is unsatisfied with this aspect of the relationship. Any advice?

  2. #2
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    Advice

    My advice is write shorter posts. Aside from that, if the spark is gone, it's gone. Only you know. You certainly should share your concerns with her openly, honestly, bluntly, and potentially painfully. That is the best advice for sure. As hard as it is to initiate such a conversation, you both will be glad you did no matter what the outcome might be. If it is really gone, then it's time to say goodbye. No matter how much "sense" a relationship makes, the worst thing in the world is to turn it into a sensible but lifeless marriage...that's the voice of painful experience.

  3. #3
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    Sorry to hear that...it's the old cow/new cow theory. Once the male cow has had the female cow, she becomes the old cow...and on to the new cow, the male cow no longer wants the old cow...because he has already had her......this is documented among the bovine...moooooooooooo over

  4. #4
    Olympian NY Muscle's Avatar
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    some old cows never let it go and move on..

    shame

  5. #5

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    you are in a tough situation my friend. this problem presents two different solutions that are neither perfect. on the one hand you can stay with the woman you love fully knowing that you may be sacrificing a life filled with satisfying sex. on the other hand you could dump your girlfriend opening a life filled with many oppurntunites for satisfying sex but with people who you may never love you as much nor be as close to you as your present day girlfriend. you have to ask yourself as you get older what is really more important to you? the safety of knowing that you are with a woman you satisfies all your needs save one or the uncertainty of a life where you will have satisfying sex but may never find love like this again. a tough choice. before you make such a hard decision have you tried other ways to spice up your sex life to try to regain that spark? there are things that you can do that may not solve this problem but may allow you to have enough desire to get things done. watching a porno tape, going without beating off for a couple of days and a little alcohol does it for me. but everyone is different. i hope everything works out for you and this girl but if not life goes on.

  6. #6
    Anabolic Post Whore The Terminator's Avatar
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    I live in the Bay area too so you can just give her up to me.
    Seriously though get yourself on a heavy test cycle and you won't be able to keep your hands off of her.

  7. #7
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    It occurs to me that if you really love this lady, it might be worth a trip or two to a sex therapist or a shrink. There might be some subconcious reason why you aren't turned on to her .....I have known people who had this problem. (commitment issues, for example only) Address that, and things may get straight again.

    True love is not that easy to find, so fight for it!

  8. #8
    Good Bro
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    Originally posted by NY Muscle
    some old cows never let it go and move on..

    shame
    That doesn't make since....Old cow= never gave it up to the testerone filled roguish cow...making it...the NEW cow.
    In order, for a woman, never to become an old cow...she must never be the new cow!!!! Voila....making masturbation the very best

  9. #9
    Da Pope theoak01's Avatar
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    early in your relationship did you have alot of sex,.im talking everytime you saw her? if so you may have become bored with her,try new positions,talk to her about it,tell her u need to be turned on,it may not be just a problem on your end,maybe she hasnt been turning you on,,just alot to think about,but atleast fight for the relationship

  10. #10
    Good Broly
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    well i have a little advice for you...first have the two of you talked about why you are not interested in sex? are you interested in sex with someone else??if not, try to remember what turned you on in the beginning, and when you are with her think about those things,,
    but if this doesnt work then remember it will not get better without work, or parting ways might be the best idea. but give it a little more time, do things that make you happy, and it might turn into a little passion with her..love is love, but it is not the only thing that holds two people together.
    good luck

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