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Help: Wife has no desire for sex

cyrex

New member
Ok so here's the story:
I've been with my wife since our Junior year in high school (we are now 24). She has never had any desire for sex. It doesn't feel good to her at all and when we do it, it's mostly just because she knows I like it and is obliging. She has never really had an orgasm (from what she can remember) and cannot have one when she masturbates (which only happens once a month or so). Masturbation does help her to relax and fall asleep though, but she can only do it laying face down on a bed.

Sometimes she does enjoy oral sex when she is really in the mood, but it usually only lasts for about 2-3 minutes until she gets to a point where "it starts to feel good and then just stops". For her to get 'in the mood' she typically needs some alcohol and even then she has difficulties concentrating and not talking about what she is planning on doing at work in 2 weeks.

It may sound cliche or typical but I've been extremely patient, willing to try and do anything and everything to help her/us with this problem, but absolutely nothing has worked. She has no religious qualms about sex and was not molested as a child or anything.

We've tried many different topical products, sex toys, techniques, etc. but nothing has worked.

I've asked her to go to therapy in the past and she has gone for 1 session on 2 occasions where she fills out a form and has bad experiences where when she brings something up either the therapist mentioned going to church or some other odd thing (I don't remember off hand it was a few years ago).

She says she doesn't know what to say or ask if she goes or how to find a place to go to.

I would like to do one or more of the following:
1) Try anything new anyone might suggest
2) Go to couples therapy and see if we can't make progress there
3) Help her find a sex therapist (how do we go about doing that?)


If anyone has any advice, please help.

Thanks :)
 
2 glasses of wine and some type of romantic setting. No more no less. My wife will shun me sober, and then if she has more than 2, she gets stupid sexy and passes out.

Find out what turns her on. Gotz to be something.
 
cyrex said:
Ok so here's the story:
I've been with my wife since our Junior year in high school (we are now 24). She has never had any desire for sex. It doesn't feel good to her at all and when we do it, it's mostly just because she knows I like it and is obliging. She has never really had an orgasm (from what she can remember) and cannot have one when she masturbates (which only happens once a month or so). Masturbation does help her to relax and fall asleep though, but she can only do it laying face down on a bed.

Sometimes she does enjoy oral sex when she is really in the mood, but it usually only lasts for about 2-3 minutes until she gets to a point where "it starts to feel good and then just stops". For her to get 'in the mood' she typically needs some alcohol and even then she has difficulties concentrating and not talking about what she is planning on doing at work in 2 weeks.

It may sound cliche or typical but I've been extremely patient, willing to try and do anything and everything to help her/us with this problem, but absolutely nothing has worked. She has no religious qualms about sex and was not molested as a child or anything.

We've tried many different topical products, sex toys, techniques, etc. but nothing has worked.

I've asked her to go to therapy in the past and she has gone for 1 session on 2 occasions where she fills out a form and has bad experiences where when she brings something up either the therapist mentioned going to church or some other odd thing (I don't remember off hand it was a few years ago).

She says she doesn't know what to say or ask if she goes or how to find a place to go to.

I would like to do one or more of the following:
1) Try anything new anyone might suggest
2) Go to couples therapy and see if we can't make progress there
3) Help her find a sex therapist (how do we go about doing that?)


If anyone has any advice, please help.

Thanks :)

Would she have a problem with you getting a girlfriend? Seriously. I think the acceptance of mistresses in days past is one reason families stayed together.
 
It could be that she's just too stressed and wound too tight. Stress is by far the biggest libido killer for women, there isn't even a close second. My advice, get her away for a vacation where she can relax. Then, and this is critical, don't try climbing on her the first night away. Maybe give her a massage, treat her nice, do some things she enjoys (if she likes to dance, take her dancing etc) and just hang out without her feeling any pressure. If she thinks the only reason you took her away was to get her in the mood for sex the whole thing isn't going to work. All of this is going to hopefully get her to relax and if that happens I'll bet she perks up. Women are not by nature frigid, some just need you to cultivate their desire a little bit. Go slow, make her want you, and show her that sex is supposed to be fun not stressful or goal (orgasm) oriented. Then post pics.
 
Therapy may be good...sounds like she is holding back for some reason....she should also get her hormones tested if it truely lack of desire....experiment with different things......together...
 
bluetwistedsteel67 said:
It could be that she's just too stressed and wound too tight. Stress is by far the biggest libido killer for women, there isn't even a close second. My advice, get her away for a vacation where she can relax. Then, and this is critical, don't try climbing on her the first night away. Maybe give her a massage, treat her nice, do some things she enjoys (if she likes to dance, take her dancing etc) and just hang out without her feeling any pressure. If she thinks the only reason you took her away was to get her in the mood for sex the whole thing isn't going to work. All of this is going to hopefully get her to relax and if that happens I'll bet she perks up. Women are not by nature frigid, some just need you to cultivate their desire a little bit. Go slow, make her want you, and show her that sex is supposed to be fun not stressful or goal (orgasm) oriented. Then post pics.

Great advice, but this is all stuff I've done (and continue to do). This isn't just something that has come up where she has lost her libido, she has never had it for the 7+ years we've been together.
 
I'd take gymgurls advice and look into therapy. Maybe there was something in her past that was traumatic enough to have long lasting effects.
 
I would say a full physical workup (blood work, etc) + therapy is in order....

No desire for sex is not normal and it sounds to me based on what you posted that there may be some "mental" issue here....To a lot of women, sex is in their head - that is, a lot of mental stuff can get in the way of a fulfilling sex life and pleasure for women is mental based a lot of the time....
 
Any advice on what steps to take first to do this? She will definately not make the first appointment, but I'm sure she would go if I was the one that took the time to research and make the appointment. (I'll offer to go with her if she would like also)

We don't have a family doctor yet (We have only been in Nashville for a year and a half or so). So should we go to a family doctor type place first and ask for a referal or what?
 
So I've donated 100 karma hits for a good suggestion on what steps to take. I'm gonna award the karma on Wednesday. So far jenscats5 is in the lead:)
 
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