advice: love or sex

[mndingo]

Here's the situation. I've recently been dating a women that I finally connect with on an emotional level and feel that I could make a long term commitment.
The problem is that she is really bad in bed (bad kisser and bad oral sex) and she gets upset whenever I suggest that she try doing things differently.
It's causing a serious problem b/c I've never gotten along with a women so well and made such an emotional connection, but then I can't stand being in bed with her.
Any other experiences. Should I just move on and hope I meet someone that can satisfy both needs?

 

[Natymike]

I feel your pain, been dating a girl for 3 months and slept in the same bed with her once. She is prude as hell, but we get along so well, we have everything in common, blah, blah. So far I have been patient and taking it slow, but something has to give.

 

[Austin316]

love, I have no interest in having sex with someone who I don't love, theres only a little more emotion in that then masturbating IMHO

 

[WODIN]

Rent porno's...the say see that's how you give a bj!...I'm sure this will go over well....

 

[absolute hardgainer]

Well, I am actually going to try to be serious here (emphasize the word 'try'), and help out as much as I can.

Most relationship gurus that I have read from say that men learn to love the woman they are attracted to and women learn to be attracted to the man they love... with you it seems to be the other way around.

That should not necessarily be a hindrance though.

You are making a great emotional connection which is a big positive for the future of your relationship with this woman.

You have some problems with the sex life (or lack of it) which can be a serious problem for any relationship. But how serious you allow it to be is really up to you.

The best of relationships have their ups and downs in terms of sex life.

If you are able to work through this problem now and find a compromise with your partner your relationship should be in great shape for a long time to come.

I'd give it my very best shot in your case, try reading a bunch of books about it, kama sutra whatever and don't give up soon. Communication about this issue is of course paramount.

hardgainer (see, I can be serious)

 

[vixenbabe]

How old is this lady? Is she older than dirt or young?

I'll guess she is young since she is not up on her skills in the sack or where ever.

Cripes, WE all had to learn - no one is born a great lover without learning the tricks. WE all have our own pleasure points...NOTHING is the same for each person!

If she is older, then I'd say she has not had a lot of men in her life to know the different skills.

Communication is key to a great sex life! It sounds as if you have the right connection is all other area's. If you are connecting on the emotional side--YOU are very lucky- few NEVER see that in relationships!

Wodin is right, porn's are fun for learning new stuff...BUT..I'd wait til you are sure she's not lacking self esteem. She may feel " threatened" by porn(silly but true!)

I'd say talk to her VERY gently about this. Do not make her feel it's all her fault or that she is a wet rag in the sack. You will damage her spirit and you may as well forget having great sex with her EVER!

Examples of some issues you might have and want to change with her:

If she does not dress sexy in the bedroom and THIS is what you want- buy her a sexy outfit and TELL her that you think she would look HOT in it! It's amazing what a little sweetness can do for both of you.

If you want to try new positions in the sack, tell her that you love her ass and want to see it, so you want to do doggie style...You get the picture.

You HAVE to talk about your desires with her or she is prolly thinking she is the bomb in bed since you are not TALKING about what you like.Pretty simple really,but VERY tricky in how YOU express yourself with her- Be VERY careful NOT to hurt her feelings!

Slap me and call me stupid, but WE all had to start somewhere.

I'd say since you have a solid "base" in the emotional department;you had better call youself damn lucky.Work on the sex issues if you want something good to turn into something GREAT!

 

[Wraith]

Rent porno's...the say see that's how you give a bj!...I'm sure this will go over well....

lol!
This is problably pretty good advice actually. 65% or more of a pair bonding relationship is sex, other wise it's just a freindship. Besides, if nothing changes down the line you will be cheating or at least thinking about it.

 

[The Varnsen]

sex

 

[The Ranger]

A. Hardgainer is on the ball with this one, and sex can be a MAJOR issue if you let it be.

Ranger

 

[karson]

bro

think logically. good bed habits can eventually be learned. a solid relationship is something to hold on to, trust me. remember only 5% of your relationship and time with her is spent in bed.