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GoldenDelicious
New member
note to the whining bastards aka wootoom: this is my thread. i feel like typing. its bound to be long. im bound to be long winded. im bound to use this smiley ( 
) many, many times, and make lots of sad jokes that are actually designed to make you roll your eyes, NOT to make you laugh, as you assume, since while youre in my thread, youre my dick puppet, and i get to use you any way i like
note to the fatties: youre fat. no one in real life probably says that to you, but you probably deserve it, so here it is. stop reading this thread and do some curls that dont involve a cheeseburger meeting the lips above your 14 chins. if you think i might be talking about you, then...i probably am. oh and change your name back to Frisky, this erzoolie shit is getting old
so anyway orblings, picture this: *vision goes all wavey like in the movies* it must have been about 7pm, and there i was, in a black single breasted suit, black unbuttoned shirt, and seriously...i was looking good really good as soon as i saw the sweep of my pecs in that tailored suit in my full length mirror, i thought to myself that the mirror hadnt shown a sexier reflection since...well...since i was naked 5 minutes earlier ( x10 )
but then i cast my mind to the horde of plastic beercup weilding, styleless simpletons that were likely to be my party companions, so i figured, what the hell...the chicks do it...im going to see what the other mofos were wearing. cut a long story short...i changed into jeans
so anyway, i go outside and tie up my dog with 6 leashes and a ball and chain around each leg. mofo bastard beeyotch want going ANYWHERE this time 
then jump into the Delicious Mobile armed with enough booze to satisfy not one, but two tinytanks 
and head over to a hotel room promised by some of my buddies to be loaded with cool dudes and hot blondes...so i sneak past the receptionist (doing a commando style crouching walk...just because i can ) and up to the top floor, do the secret knock, and the door opens, to reveal a tall buff greek dude....standing in front of a room of screaming chinamen 
playing a playstation, and looking all of 15 years old
there was only one thing to do...
...hit the bar!
i mean really, what was the worst thing that could happen? surely a bunch of half pissed chinamen would be more amusing playing Tekken 5 than a bunch of stone cold sober chinamen playing Dragonball Z (yes i know. kill me) besides...i had people to text anyway
as it turns out, the worst thing that could happen wasnt a bunch of screaming chinamen arguing over who was the best tekken player (even though that was fucking annoying) or arguing over whose real life kung-fu style would win (even though that, too, was fucking annoying) or even that the bunch of screaming chinamen would all start flashing their pasty white torsos with 6 whole hairs on them, talking about how their girlfriends wouldnt have sex unless they were freshly waxed (even though that broke new boundaries of annoyingness)...no. the worst thing that could happen was closer to the room of screaming chinamen being really loud, really obnoxious, and, at 10pm on new years eve...picking a fight with the big bunch of aboriginal/new zealander rugby player looking mofos from the rooms underneath us ...and after attracting the ire of a bunch of angry brown bastard who had nothing to lose by beating the shit out of people and going to jail, instead of brawling outside and getting their stupid arses whooped like any normal people...they run inside the room, lock the doors, and announce, to the unsuspecting, happily tipsy greek dudes with many hot chicks waiting for their company that there is a gang of angry brown mofos outside baying for blood. wonderful.
there was only one thing to do....
...hit the bar!
the thing about those brown, needlessly violent assholes downstairs that i have learnt over time was that they, sort of like dogs, tend to lose interest when you refuse to play their game...so after commanding all 14 chinese dudes to have a tequila slammer each (and mentally deciding which 3 of the mofos i was going to throw out the door, alone, as a sacrifice to the brown dudes ) i received the happy news that the brown guys were back in their room downstairs and had all found their bongs so it was time to scram and hit the clubs
you know, im going to get a coffee. brb
) many, many times, and make lots of sad jokes that are actually designed to make you roll your eyes, NOT to make you laugh, as you assume, since while youre in my thread, youre my dick puppet, and i get to use you any way i like note to the fatties: youre fat. no one in real life probably says that to you, but you probably deserve it, so here it is. stop reading this thread and do some curls that dont involve a cheeseburger meeting the lips above your 14 chins. if you think i might be talking about you, then...i probably am. oh and change your name back to Frisky, this erzoolie shit is getting old
so anyway orblings, picture this: *vision goes all wavey like in the movies* it must have been about 7pm, and there i was, in a black single breasted suit, black unbuttoned shirt, and seriously...i was looking good
really good as soon as i saw the sweep of my pecs in that tailored suit in my full length mirror, i thought to myself that the mirror hadnt shown a sexier reflection since...well...since i was naked 5 minutes earlier ( x10 )but then i cast my mind to the horde of plastic beercup weilding, styleless simpletons that were likely to be my party companions, so i figured, what the hell...the chicks do it...im going to see what the other mofos were wearing. cut a long story short...i changed into jeans
so anyway, i go outside and tie up my dog with 6 leashes and a ball and chain around each leg. mofo bastard
beeyotch want going ANYWHERE this time then jump into the Delicious Mobile armed with enough booze to satisfy not one, but two tinytanks and head over to a hotel room promised by some of my buddies to be loaded with cool dudes and hot blondes...so i sneak past the receptionist (doing a commando style crouching walk...just because i can ) and up to the top floor, do the secret knock, and the door opens, to reveal a tall buff greek dude....standing in front of a room of screaming chinamen playing a playstation, and looking all of 15 years old there was only one thing to do...
...hit the bar!
i mean really, what was the worst thing that could happen? surely a bunch of half pissed chinamen would be more amusing playing Tekken 5 than a bunch of stone cold sober chinamen playing Dragonball Z (yes i know. kill me) besides...i had people to text anyway
as it turns out, the worst thing that could happen wasnt a bunch of screaming chinamen arguing over who was the best tekken player (even though that was fucking annoying) or arguing over whose real life kung-fu style would win (even though that, too, was fucking annoying) or even that the bunch of screaming chinamen would all start flashing their pasty white torsos with 6 whole hairs on them, talking about how their girlfriends wouldnt have sex unless they were freshly waxed (even though that broke new boundaries of annoyingness)...no. the worst thing that could happen was closer to the room of screaming chinamen being really loud, really obnoxious, and, at 10pm on new years eve...picking a fight with the big bunch of aboriginal/new zealander rugby player looking mofos from the rooms underneath us
...and after attracting the ire of a bunch of angry brown bastard who had nothing to lose by beating the shit out of people and going to jail, instead of brawling outside and getting their stupid arses whooped like any normal people...they run inside the room, lock the doors, and announce, to the unsuspecting, happily tipsy greek dudes with many hot chicks waiting for their company that there is a gang of angry brown mofos outside baying for blood. wonderful.there was only one thing to do....
...hit the bar!
the thing about those brown, needlessly violent assholes downstairs that i have learnt over time was that they, sort of like dogs, tend to lose interest when you refuse to play their game...so after commanding all 14 chinese dudes to have a tequila slammer each (and mentally deciding which 3 of the mofos i was going to throw out the door, alone, as a sacrifice to the brown dudes
) i received the happy news that the brown guys were back in their room downstairs and had all found their bongs so it was time to scram and hit the clubs you know, im going to get a coffee. brb
