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Hey guys n gals, i recently had a girl fuck me off after the first date, and got told by her mate that she thought i was a 'nice guy' but not her type. This has been bugging me for the past week and then i found this info,
There are three classes of men. Well, it falls into a continuum, but men's
behaviors can cluster around three approaches. They are (1) the Jerk, (2),
the Nice Guy, and (3) what some have called the Good Guy.
Jerks are self-involved, self-indulgent, and are driven primarily by their
need for sex. The ones who are good at what they do are cunning. From the
woman's perspective, they are confident, bold, brash, and attentive - all
desirable qualities for women. Of course, jerks hide the reality that all
they want from women is sex. Otherwise, they would not score as often. They
also combine attentiveness with ignoring/abusing, using a push pull game to
hook the prey. When we are told that we can't have something, we tend to see
it as more valuable. Jerks use this dynamic. Many times, a woman will be
attracted to an abusive personality because she "knows" that there is a shy,
hurting little boy inside who only needs the right woman to love him in
order to bring him out. Of course, she is wrong. A sure sign of a jerk is
someone who overly flatters a woman he just met, i.e., sweet talks her. It
sometimes works with desperate women (the female analog of the nice guy).
If the jerk appears supremely confident, the Nice Guy is just the opposite.
He often has low self-esteem. He tries too hard to get people to like him
because he fears that there is little to like about him. A nice guy
typically looks for ways to do favors for those to whom he is attracted,
hoping that they will be impressed by how good, caring, and sensitive he is.
He believes that his actions will endear women to him because he, after all,
has nothing else to offer. Because of his single-minded focus on being
liked, he generally makes a poor conversation partner. He can't be
spontaneous because he's playing the nice role and he's too busy focusing on
whether or not she "likes" him. He also tends to hide the fact (even from
himself) that he is sexually attracted to a woman because he fears that it
is disrespectful of who she is as a person. What he neglects here is that
women like to be wanted - in a tasteful kind of way. Women like nice guys,
but they don't love them. When the nice guy reveals his feelings, it scares
women away. Suddenly he becomes a liability. Women see him as needy and
vulnerable -- in other words, somebody who needs a mommy, not a lover.
While the jerk is a predator, the Nice Guy comes closest to a parasite. Both
of them are self-involved, but in different ways. Both need to consume
women. Sometimes, being consumed by a jerk is fun in the short term. It's
never fun being consumed by a nice guy.
The Good Guy is a man who has the Nice Guy moral approach to life, but is
independent, confident, strong, spontaneous, successful, and interesting.
The prototypical good guy is financially well off because he is focused and
has a good work ethic. He has varied interests that show that he is not
self-involved. This makes him an interesting person. He has a basic respect
for others and appreciates them for who they are, not needing to consume
them in any manner. This means that he doesn't crave them for sex (like the
jerk) and he doesn't need them to bolster his self-esteem (like the nice
guy). When a woman is with a good guy, he shows his appreciation for her,
giving the impression that there are no strings attached. They are more
comfortable to be with and are the ideal mate for a woman. There aren't too
many of these guys around and most of them are grabbed up pretty quickly,
unless they are gay or confirmed bachelors.
How's that?
There are female analogues to these male types too. But that's another
story.
So, in answering the original poster, you have to work to take off the cloak
of neediness worn by the nice guy. Focus on bettering yourself as a person.
Get yourself some interests. Develop them because they interest you, not
because they will impress others. Become involved with life, not with
yourself. Dress nicely. Be well-groomed. Learn to dance. Learn to flirt (but
don't do it until you can convince yourself that it's just for fun and not
to get the object of your attention into bed). One other thing, don't chase
women. Let them chase you. Be mysterious. If you're interesting, they will
send signals of interest. Be aware of them. When you see the signs, then you
can approach them.
thats all folks, can anyone else relate to this ? i'd like to know what the ladies think, my mission right now is to give women what they want among other things
There are three classes of men. Well, it falls into a continuum, but men's
behaviors can cluster around three approaches. They are (1) the Jerk, (2),
the Nice Guy, and (3) what some have called the Good Guy.
Jerks are self-involved, self-indulgent, and are driven primarily by their
need for sex. The ones who are good at what they do are cunning. From the
woman's perspective, they are confident, bold, brash, and attentive - all
desirable qualities for women. Of course, jerks hide the reality that all
they want from women is sex. Otherwise, they would not score as often. They
also combine attentiveness with ignoring/abusing, using a push pull game to
hook the prey. When we are told that we can't have something, we tend to see
it as more valuable. Jerks use this dynamic. Many times, a woman will be
attracted to an abusive personality because she "knows" that there is a shy,
hurting little boy inside who only needs the right woman to love him in
order to bring him out. Of course, she is wrong. A sure sign of a jerk is
someone who overly flatters a woman he just met, i.e., sweet talks her. It
sometimes works with desperate women (the female analog of the nice guy).
If the jerk appears supremely confident, the Nice Guy is just the opposite.
He often has low self-esteem. He tries too hard to get people to like him
because he fears that there is little to like about him. A nice guy
typically looks for ways to do favors for those to whom he is attracted,
hoping that they will be impressed by how good, caring, and sensitive he is.
He believes that his actions will endear women to him because he, after all,
has nothing else to offer. Because of his single-minded focus on being
liked, he generally makes a poor conversation partner. He can't be
spontaneous because he's playing the nice role and he's too busy focusing on
whether or not she "likes" him. He also tends to hide the fact (even from
himself) that he is sexually attracted to a woman because he fears that it
is disrespectful of who she is as a person. What he neglects here is that
women like to be wanted - in a tasteful kind of way. Women like nice guys,
but they don't love them. When the nice guy reveals his feelings, it scares
women away. Suddenly he becomes a liability. Women see him as needy and
vulnerable -- in other words, somebody who needs a mommy, not a lover.
While the jerk is a predator, the Nice Guy comes closest to a parasite. Both
of them are self-involved, but in different ways. Both need to consume
women. Sometimes, being consumed by a jerk is fun in the short term. It's
never fun being consumed by a nice guy.
The Good Guy is a man who has the Nice Guy moral approach to life, but is
independent, confident, strong, spontaneous, successful, and interesting.
The prototypical good guy is financially well off because he is focused and
has a good work ethic. He has varied interests that show that he is not
self-involved. This makes him an interesting person. He has a basic respect
for others and appreciates them for who they are, not needing to consume
them in any manner. This means that he doesn't crave them for sex (like the
jerk) and he doesn't need them to bolster his self-esteem (like the nice
guy). When a woman is with a good guy, he shows his appreciation for her,
giving the impression that there are no strings attached. They are more
comfortable to be with and are the ideal mate for a woman. There aren't too
many of these guys around and most of them are grabbed up pretty quickly,
unless they are gay or confirmed bachelors.
How's that?
There are female analogues to these male types too. But that's another
story.
So, in answering the original poster, you have to work to take off the cloak
of neediness worn by the nice guy. Focus on bettering yourself as a person.
Get yourself some interests. Develop them because they interest you, not
because they will impress others. Become involved with life, not with
yourself. Dress nicely. Be well-groomed. Learn to dance. Learn to flirt (but
don't do it until you can convince yourself that it's just for fun and not
to get the object of your attention into bed). One other thing, don't chase
women. Let them chase you. Be mysterious. If you're interesting, they will
send signals of interest. Be aware of them. When you see the signs, then you
can approach them.
thats all folks, can anyone else relate to this ? i'd like to know what the ladies think, my mission right now is to give women what they want among other things
