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improvements to NASCAR


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Excerpt: I don't know if any of you are big NASCAR fans or not, but I am waaaay into it. I have a tattoo on my back of Dale Earnhardt as an angel with wings, floating so pretty up on a cloud, drinking Budwiser and cheering downwards. Sure, it looks like he's taunting my ass crack, but if you use your imagination, you would see that he is cheering down from heaven for NASCAR races going on. As much as I love NASCAR, I have put some serious thought into how they can improve the sport. First off,

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  1. #1
    Pro Bodybuilder MarthaStewart's Avatar
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    improvements to NASCAR

    I don't know if any of you are big NASCAR fans or not, but I am waaaay into it. I have a tattoo on my back of Dale Earnhardt as an angel with wings, floating so pretty up on a cloud, drinking Budwiser and cheering downwards.
    Sure, it looks like he's taunting my ass crack, but if you use your imagination, you would see that he is cheering down from heaven for NASCAR races going on.

    As much as I love NASCAR, I have put some serious thought into how they can improve the sport.

    First off, they always go the same direction. The drivers and up wrecking because they are bored stiff and stop paying attention. It is like when you try to count all the ceiling tiles at your dentist's office and you get lost after 4 - it is because you are so bored, you just ain't paying no attention no more.
    That is exactly why they need to switch up the direction every now and then. They can add a new flag - instead of a caution or checkered flag - they can wave a rainbow flag and that is a sign that everyone is now gonna need to go the other way.
    This will also liven things up because when cars are going real fast and turn, they make cool squealing sounds - just like a pig if you grab em real tight and act like you are gonna fuck em in the ass. But I don't really, I just act like it - anyone that actually fucks an animal in the ass isn't abiding by God's will.

    My next idea to make NASCAR better is more beer and cigs. I know right now there is a lot of it since they are sponsors and all. But shit, I ain't never seen a single driver out there wasted off his ass, and they fucking never smoke when they are driving.
    I think it would help them focus - the cigs - and then the beer would help them stay lose - if you get all tense at the wheel, there ain't shit that'll save you when you wreck. You want to be all losey-goosey when you hit that wall - that is exactly why drunk drivers always survive accidents.
    And it ain't like none of them fellers could hurt nobody - they's the only ones out there.

    Next up, they gotta add African Americans as the racers. If you watch the Olympics, you will see that everyone that wins races is black. So why the hell ain't we racing them out in NASCAR? I think it don't take no genius to see that they is going to make this sport great.
    I think Micheal Jordon should be the first one. He can have his own car and shit too.

    Also, they should have women drivers. Women are always complaining about not getting included and shit, well here is their chance. They can ride along with the riders and then they can provide drinks and food. They have to be thin though since we ain't gonna need to haul around no fatties in them cars.

    I have a few more ideas up my sleeve - but these are just to get the ball rolling.
    Last edited by MarthaStewart; 04-Aug-2003 at 12:56 PM.

  2. #2
    Pro Bodybuilder bigschweeler's Avatar
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    Originally posted by The Nature Boy
    I agree with everything about your post except for the part about the boring visits to the dentist. my dentist keeps Penthouse magazine as reading material along with the other standard periodicals.
    You don't go to Seinfeld's dentist do you?

  3. #3
    Da Pope the nature boy's Avatar
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    I agree with everything about your post except for the part about the boring visits to the dentist. my dentist keeps Penthouse magazine as reading material along with the other standard periodicals.

  4. #4
    Pro Bodybuilder MarthaStewart's Avatar
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    Originally posted by The Nature Boy
    I agree with everything about your post except for the part about the boring visits to the dentist. my dentist keeps Penthouse magazine as reading material along with the other standard periodicals.
    Does he give you handjobs while doing dental work? Or does he have an assistant do that?

    If so, then I think that same idea could be added to NASCAR. Let them bitches I was saying to put in the car with them also give em handjobs.

    I would say to make it oral, but say the driver hits the wall going 160 - there is hardly no way at all that bitch ain't gonna bite his dick clean off.

    And I don't know about you, but I want my NASCAR heros to have their big swinging dicks.

  5. #5
    Mutant Lift Chief's Avatar
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    I think you make some good points here.

  6. #6
    बुद्धकर्मधर्म WODIN's Avatar
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    I'd like to see a race called the Road Head 250 where they have hot big breasted blond hookers giving the racers blow jobs. This would extreamly compound the whole crash situation especially if the hooker bites down real hard.

  7. #7
    Da Pope Y_lifter's Avatar
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    I say make NASCAR a real family event for the Drivers..
    .

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