i think we've lost that "spark"

[drummerbuilder]

I’m not sure what to think about this situation. On the one hand, my girlfriend is by far my best friend. I totally trust her, we have common interests, she has a great sense of humor. We’ve been together for almost three and a half years, except for a couple of three month interludes that have occurred in the last fifteen months. The problem is our sex life – rather lack of. And I’m completely ashamed to admit that the problem is coming from my end. For lack of a better way of describing it, I almost just feel like that “spark” has been lost somehow. I love this girl so much, I think about spending the rest of my life with her at times. She’s got a lot going for her, good family, pretty, will soon be an RN. My family loves her, and my fathers wife has even told me that she thought after she met her that I would end up marrying her. She cares about me a lot as well. We still spend a lot of time together, but our sex life has been practically nil for more than a year. Seriously, I think I might be able to count on two hands the number of times we’ve done it in the last year - and that counts a two week vacation together that we took in the summertime. We usually sleep in the same bed at least once per week, maybe more. I thought for awhile that maybe I just had low testosterone levels or something because I’ve had a little bit more “off” time recently, but I now know that can’t be the case. I still get hard-ons when I’m sleeping or if I’m just “with myself,” if you know what I mean. When I’m around her though, my sexual feelings go completely out the window. I love just sitting with her, or touching her in an intimate, but non-sexual way. Maybe I’ve just grown TOO comfortable with her (?). Our sexual chemistry wasn’t always this poor, but I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t as strong as some other relationships that I have had. When we first got together, we were doing it all the time. And since I have known her as well, I was with somebody else for about six months. The sex with this other girl was fantastic, but I knew we weren’t right together. With my girlfriend, I feel “right” about being with her, but this problem doesn’t seem to be getting any better – its getting worse. Am I just totally fucked up in the head? I swear to you, you would look at this girl and wonder what the hell I am thinking. She tall, trim, athletic looking, blond hair, cute. And I just don’t want to do her for some reason. She means the world to me, but I’m starting to get seriously concerned about how compatible we really are together if my feelings for her aren’t sexual. I don’t want to break up with her because it would mean losing my best friend, and this is really the only problem we have – but I would consider it a big one. She has been totally understanding with me and is not going to leave me or anything, but I know this girl is unsatisfied with this aspect of the relationship. Any advice?

 

[WODIN]

Your gay!

 

[HumorMe]

What's your age and what's her age?
I know you said the two of you are best friends but do you communicate with each other about your sex life?
Does she enjoy sex with you?
Is she adventurous in bed and are you?
Are you always the aggressor in bed or is she?
Do you look at porn and want her to do some of the things you see but scared to ask?

Serious questions and not trying to be funny!

 

[smallmovesal]

maybe you've fallen into a routine. talk to her about changing things up and see if that helps. don't react, talk to her first and see if it can be worked out.

how long have you felt this way?

 

[Crazier]

Serious questions and not trying to be funny!

True that HumorMe... and drummerbuilder, these are things you and her should be able to discuss with each other!!! The grass is always greener on the other side brother... and it sounds like you two have a very good relationship together. Wish I could help you more, but only you can answer why you feel the way you do.
Good luck.
--

 

[WODIN]

Buy a really long double headed dildo, a bottle of wesson oil, a minature trampoline, a ball of twine, a copy of Debbi Does dallas next generation and some yogurt.

Use the double header on her and yourself while pouring wesson oil over each other while jumping up and down on the trampoline with the vidoe playing, watch for the scene at 14.32 seconds in, it's killer, and throw yogurt at her right as you climax!



This has Saved my marriage about a dozen times!!!!!

 

[drummerbuilder]

wodin - thanks for the advice
not sure i'll try it, but at least it was funny....

as far as the other questions go, i'm 28, and she's 32
when we first got together, i was always the aggresor, and i made a big effort to make her feel comfortable with me, which she eventually did, and thus then began to initiate sex
since she started initiating it, i haven't much
we don't really talk much about this issue, mainly because i feel so stupid about it and it doesn't seem to make the problem any better
i almost kind of feel like i've "unlocked the mystery" surrounding her, and i've kind of "been there done that," if you know what i mean
i can't really explain how i can have these feelings for her, but not really want sex with her
i guess you could say i'm bored with it
neither one of us is particularly "adventurous" in the bedroom,
but it sounds like that is the problem
any suggestions that DON'T involve sticking something up MY ass?

 

[smallmovesal]

buy a vibrating dildo or an egg for her and have her play with her clit whilst sticking your man meat in her

 

[HumorMe]

wodin - thanks for the advice
not sure i'll try it, but at least it was funny....

as far as the other questions go, i'm 28, and she's 32
when we first got together, i was always the aggresor, and i made a big effort to make her feel comfortable with me, which she eventually did, and thus then began to initiate sex
since she started initiating it, i haven't much
we don't really talk much about this issue, mainly because i feel so stupid about it and it doesn't seem to make the problem any better
i almost kind of feel like i've "unlocked the mystery" surrounding her, and i've kind of "been there done that," if you know what i mean
i can't really explain how i can have these feelings for her, but not really want sex with her
i guess you could say i'm bored with it
neither one of us is particularly "adventurous" in the bedroom,
but it sounds like that is the problem
any suggestions that DON'T involve sticking something up MY ass?

LOL at the "sticking something up your ass!" comment..that is a hilarious thread.

Don't feel stupid about talking about the issues.....this is the only way to make things better in my opinion. Her being 32 years old....she is in her prime or approaching her prime and should be open to anything in the bedroom. Initiate the sex and ask her what feels good and what she wants. Don't be embarrassed about it because there is never a dumb question in the bedroom with the person you love. It's only kinky if you've never done it before. Watch a porno together and ask her what intrigues her. Tell her the things that intrigue you. I've been married for 15 years and there was a time when it was like the "been there done that" type of situation but after communicating more with her, it pened up a whole new ballgame for us. Good luck and I'm sure Kronk, Kronkette, Pauly and Aziareign can shed some more light on getting more adventurous. Shit, their threads are always worth reading! Usually after reading their threads, I have to sign off of Elite and attack the wife! LOL!

Good Luck and try it!

 

[kitKat]

Dummer--,

I know where you are coming from I lived in a situation where I was married to my best friend for nearly 14 years. It started out much like your relationship did at first.....I didn't have as great of sex with my ex as I did other guys but he was good and decent...and had alot going for him. The spark or if any quickly faded after marriage but not so much on my part as it was on his. It worked for awhile cause I had small children (in my 20's) and didn't need much sex. It was not until my thirties when I suddenly realized that this man loved me as a friend but didn't care for me sexually ( trust me I looked okay, perhaps better than okay)we are talking zip, nada, nothing. It was such a blow to my self esteem...and we never did recover our marriage. I really still care for him as a friend but, much like you, he just couldn't ever see me the way I wanted him to and finally nor could I see him in a sexual manner after being so hurt.

I guess what I am getting at don't let this happen to you....it is not worth it. Don't do what I did and have it effect not only you and her but, quite possibly children. At least I have in my favor that he is a great guy , we remain friends and the girls are adjusting well....so for that I am so very greatful.

Please think it over long and hard....not only for yourself but, for her too. She deserves to have a rich and full sexual life as well cares for her in all ways as much as you deserve it too.

KK