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Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here


Welcome to the EliteFitness.com Bodybuilding Site! Please join this discussion about Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here within the Chat & Conversation category.

Excerpt: Hi, I'm going through a serious event in my life - serious help/comments are appreciated. I am 33 years old, married for about 2 years 5 months, my wife is 31. Unfortunately our marriage has for most of the time and particularly right now focused on one thing - money. When I met my wife in November 2004, I had never been married, she had been divorced once. We clicked straight away, moved in together one week after meeting, got married 11 months later. When I first met my wife, my

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  1. #1

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    Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    Hi, I'm going through a serious event in my life - serious help/comments are appreciated.

    I am 33 years old, married for about 2 years 5 months, my wife is 31. Unfortunately our marriage has for most of the time and particularly right now focused on one thing - money.

    When I met my wife in November 2004, I had never been married, she had been divorced once.

    We clicked straight away, moved in together one week after meeting, got married 11 months later.

    When I first met my wife, my personal income was only 30k, not much but it steadily improved - I carried no debt and was a prudent spender and saver, 15k wedding costs were covered by me, 20k trip to see her family covered by me as well. My wife had at least 40k of personal debt at the start, still has more than 20k of it left right now, I have never seen her loan statements, I am not sure how much she owes.

    My wife has her own job, earns about 33k now, and has always paid her loans herself (leaving little/nothing for household spending). She has also supported her family.

    Last year I started a new job that greatly improved my income - 110k per year, more than I have ever earned - it should be noted that this job includes 70-85 hours per week work. My wife throughout this time has been a good housewife, most domestic chores are left to her. As well as pushing me, sometimes very forcefully, to get ahead in my job.

    Unfortunately her spending has greatly increased with my increased earning, supporting her overseas family (none of her brothers and sisters work) has increased from $500 per month to more than $1000 per month, she occasionally gambles (up to $1500 at once) and sometimes overspends on shopping for herself.

    Until now we have only managed to save up 20k - I don't drink, smoke or have any expensive hobbies (no, not even gear) I just go to the gym (when I still can) and spend maybe $250 a month on supplements.

    My wife's dream is to buy our own house.

    It's my dream, too, but at the right time.

    House prices have tripled since 2004. Average house price 470k, I think.

    My company was bought out 2 months ago - heavy restructuring has taken place. Last week my position was cut, I was given a new position - that only earns 60-70k pa (but I still have to do almost the same thing).

    I decided this week, or more precisely today, that it is not the right time for us to buy a house. I told my wife we should wait at least one more year, interest rates here are very high right now, mortgage defaults are at an all time high. We need a greater deposit and more income.

    My wife announced (3 hours ago) to me that she will divorce me tomorrow.

    She also up-ended the living room table, threw a chair and tried to smash up the kitchen. She did not hit me, but she has in the past, I have had two mental breakdowns this year (from stress caused by her abuse), I have never hit or become physical with my wife.

    Right now she is asleep, tomorrow we are supposed to be driving to the family court for a divorce, she decided that I need to leave our place, even though I am the one paying the lease and all our bills.

    In fact only my income for the past several years has been used to cover all our living expenses, hers is spent however she sees fit. Yet, through that time it is the stability of marriage and the pushing of my wife that has allowed me to become more financially successful. She is the rock in my life.

    I don't know where to go from here.

    I really don't.

    You tell me?

  2. #2
    SaladFork
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    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    Ouch, good luch bro... I will let PM give you the run down on what not to do with women.

  3. #3
    Naptime F-18er BlueBird's Avatar
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    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    There's too many numbers in the body of your post for me to process into a sincere and heartfelt response about your situation.

  4. #4
    Guru vixensghost's Avatar
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    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    Quote Quote posted by SaladFork
    I will let PM give you the run down on what not to do with women.

    I can hear the advice from Puddles--- " The moment a woman marries, some terrible revolution happens in her system;all her good qualities vanish, presto,like eggs out of a conjuror's box. 'Tis true that they appear on the other side of the box, but for her husband they are gone forever."

  5. #5
    Elite Bodybuilder jdynasty's Avatar
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    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    hi lestat

    oh, and I feel for you bro, if she abuses you, let her go, you'll be better off, no one has a right to put there hands on you in a violent way

  6. #6
    all the whey's Avatar
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    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    Quote Quote posted by indeep
    Hi, I'm going through a serious event in my life - serious help/comments are appreciated.

    I am 33 years old, married for about 2 years 5 months, my wife is 31. Unfortunately our marriage has for most of the time and particularly right now focused on one thing - money.

    When I met my wife in November 2004, I had never been married, she had been divorced once.

    We clicked straight away, moved in together one week after meeting, got married 11 months later.

    When I first met my wife, my personal income was only 30k, not much but it steadily improved - I carried no debt and was a prudent spender and saver, 15k wedding costs were covered by me, 20k trip to see her family covered by me as well. My wife had at least 40k of personal debt at the start, still has more than 20k of it left right now, I have never seen her loan statements, I am not sure how much she owes.

    My wife has her own job, earns about 33k now, and has always paid her loans herself (leaving little/nothing for household spending). She has also supported her family.

    Last year I started a new job that greatly improved my income - 110k per year, more than I have ever earned - it should be noted that this job includes 70-85 hours per week work. My wife throughout this time has been a good housewife, most domestic chores are left to her. As well as pushing me, sometimes very forcefully, to get ahead in my job.

    Unfortunately her spending has greatly increased with my increased earning, supporting her overseas family (none of her brothers and sisters work) has increased from $500 per month to more than $1000 per month, she occasionally gambles (up to $1500 at once) and sometimes overspends on shopping for herself.

    Until now we have only managed to save up 20k - I don't drink, smoke or have any expensive hobbies (no, not even gear) I just go to the gym (when I still can) and spend maybe $250 a month on supplements.

    My wife's dream is to buy our own house.

    It's my dream, too, but at the right time.

    House prices have tripled since 2004. Average house price 470k, I think.

    My company was bought out 2 months ago - heavy restructuring has taken place. Last week my position was cut, I was given a new position - that only earns 60-70k pa (but I still have to do almost the same thing).

    I decided this week, or more precisely today, that it is not the right time for us to buy a house. I told my wife we should wait at least one more year, interest rates here are very high right now, mortgage defaults are at an all time high. We need a greater deposit and more income.

    My wife announced (3 hours ago) to me that she will divorce me tomorrow.

    She also up-ended the living room table, threw a chair and tried to smash up the kitchen. She did not hit me, but she has in the past, I have had two mental breakdowns this year (from stress caused by her abuse), I have never hit or become physical with my wife.

    Right now she is asleep, tomorrow we are supposed to be driving to the family court for a divorce, she decided that I need to leave our place, even though I am the one paying the lease and all our bills.

    In fact only my income for the past several years has been used to cover all our living expenses, hers is spent however she sees fit. Yet, through that time it is the stability of marriage and the pushing of my wife that has allowed me to become more financially successful. She is the rock in my life.

    I don't know where to go from here.

    I really don't.

    You tell me?
    Repost

  7. #7
    ELITE MENTOR
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    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    Quote Quote posted by BlueBird
    There's too many numbers in the body of your post for me to process into a sincere and heartfelt response about your situation.
    i was going to say the same thing.

    can someone summarize the post and delete the numbers? thanks.
    Read this:Elite Fitness TOS



    Quote Quote posted by digger
    George > Admin > Stilleto > perkele > samoth > COTB > Lestat

    There you go -- fixed it.

    *RIP my friend*

  8. #8
    Spartacus
    Guest

    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    let her go
    cut bait now

  9. #9
    Da Pope Razorguns's Avatar
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    Talking Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    Quote Quote posted by stilleto

    can someone summarize the post and delete the numbers? thanks.

    1) I married woman with debt
    2) I make more money. wife spends more.
    3) i now make less money. wife pissed.
    4) wife violent, can't send money to foreign family, wants divorce.

    You have to do what's right for you. She clearly has made many bad decisions in life - so she should NOT be the one deciding your future. Esp financially.

    Since she clearly places value in you (on how much you make) - as you make less - your value *decreases* in her eyes.

    So focus on your career, and what's right for you. Fortunately you do not have kids.

    Seems like she her attitude is concrete and set in stone, so I'm not sure if 'reasoning' and 'talking' with her may achieve results. Cultural upbringings may also play a factor here.

    good luck.

    r
    Last edited by Razorguns; 03-Apr-2008 at 03:20 AM.

  10. #10
    Naptime F-18er BlueBird's Avatar
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    Re: Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

    Quote Quote posted by stilleto
    i was going to say the same thing.

    can someone summarize the post and delete the numbers? thanks.

    Lestat: I support my hoochie mommy
    Wife: Me want Lexus
    Lestat: I rarely buy gear
    Wife: ME WANT HOUSE
    Lestat: We must wait
    Wife: *smashy mcsmashes Lestat-paid for goods*
    Lestat: I will drive you to your mother's house where I shall serenade you every night until you let me buy you Graceland.

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