Hello, help appreciated - from men and women here

[vixensghost]

Oh man. My grandfather would have been proud of this monstrosity of a joke.

bastard.

 

[heatherrae]

Hi, I'm going through a serious event in my life - serious help/comments are appreciated.

I am 33 years old, married for about 2 years 5 months, my wife is 31. Unfortunately our marriage has for most of the time and particularly right now focused on one thing - money.

When I met my wife in November 2004, I had never been married, she had been divorced once.

We clicked straight away, moved in together one week after meeting, got married 11 months later.

When I first met my wife, my personal income was only 30k, not much but it steadily improved - I carried no debt and was a prudent spender and saver, 15k wedding costs were covered by me, 20k trip to see her family covered by me as well. My wife had at least 40k of personal debt at the start, still has more than 20k of it left right now, I have never seen her loan statements, I am not sure how much she owes.

My wife has her own job, earns about 33k now, and has always paid her loans herself (leaving little/nothing for household spending). She has also supported her family.

Last year I started a new job that greatly improved my income - 110k per year, more than I have ever earned - it should be noted that this job includes 70-85 hours per week work. My wife throughout this time has been a good housewife, most domestic chores are left to her. As well as pushing me, sometimes very forcefully, to get ahead in my job.

Unfortunately her spending has greatly increased with my increased earning, supporting her overseas family (none of her brothers and sisters work) has increased from $500 per month to more than $1000 per month, she occasionally gambles (up to $1500 at once) and sometimes overspends on shopping for herself.

Until now we have only managed to save up 20k - I don't drink, smoke or have any expensive hobbies (no, not even gear) I just go to the gym (when I still can) and spend maybe $250 a month on supplements.

My wife's dream is to buy our own house.

It's my dream, too, but at the right time.

House prices have tripled since 2004. Average house price 470k, I think.

My company was bought out 2 months ago - heavy restructuring has taken place. Last week my position was cut, I was given a new position - that only earns 60-70k pa (but I still have to do almost the same thing).

I decided this week, or more precisely today, that it is not the right time for us to buy a house. I told my wife we should wait at least one more year, interest rates here are very high right now, mortgage defaults are at an all time high. We need a greater deposit and more income.

My wife announced (3 hours ago) to me that she will divorce me tomorrow.

She also up-ended the living room table, threw a chair and tried to smash up the kitchen. She did not hit me, but she has in the past, I have had two mental breakdowns this year (from stress caused by her abuse), I have never hit or become physical with my wife.

Right now she is asleep, tomorrow we are supposed to be driving to the family court for a divorce, she decided that I need to leave our place, even though I am the one paying the lease and all our bills.

In fact only my income for the past several years has been used to cover all our living expenses, hers is spent however she sees fit. Yet, through that time it is the stability of marriage and the pushing of my wife that has allowed me to become more financially successful. She is the rock in my life.

I don't know where to go from here.

I really don't.

You tell me?

Wow, that is terrible. I'm sorry you are going through all that. If you can't discuss it with her reasonably and come up with a workable budget that you both adhere to so that you can meet your goals and needs together, then I'm not sure what you can do. Please read Dave Ramsey's book "Total Money Makeover" and share the ideas with her that you guys could have so much more if you pay off debts and save appropriately now, while you are still young.

Her hitting you is UNACCEPTABLE. So is turning over tables, etc. That needs to STOP, or I would divorce her.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Who the hell gave you permission to use logic on this forum?

sorry ma'am

 

[MichaelScott]

judge judy

 

[Bikini Mod]

Where do you go from here? You go directly to the meanest mutherfucking divorce lawyer in your area and get a fucking restraining order to get the goldigger and her precious shit out of your home.

After the dust has settled and the divorce is in the works, then you're going to go find a REALLY good therapist and learn where your materialistic ass screwed up, and why this sham of a relationship was a fucked up mess from the word Go so you don't do that shit in the future, but get thee to a lawyer and obtain a restraining order, immediately. Don't you dare move out, you get her ass out post haste.

This is a no brainer... ^^^ What she said.

Take it from TWO women who have been through the ringer and *got it right* the second time around.

 

[ponyfitness]

Obviously you have trouble asserting yourself or she would not be sleeping while she should be looking for a good motel room. She seems to be calling the shots on everything and has for a while.

Do not let her intimidate you into leaving YOUR house - tell her to pack a bag and go find a hotel. That's after you have called and reported all of her credit cards stolen and lock your bank accounts.

Make sure you have taken pictures of all of the damage she did so you can use it in court if it ever comes to that, or to get a restraining order.

If you seriously think she is the rock in your life like you said you're already done. She will continue to run your life and abuse you financially, emotionally and physically as she has all along. Cut her off and her tune will likely change quickly.

 

[GUARDIAN]

Shit on her chest

that will wake her up!

 

[bw1]

Run like hell bro

 

[ceo]

Where do you go from here? You go directly to the meanest mutherfucking divorce lawyer in your area and get a fucking restraining order to get the goldigger and her precious shit out of your home.

After the dust has settled and the divorce is in the works, then you're going to go find a REALLY good therapist and learn where your materialistic ass screwed up, and why this sham of a relationship was a fucked up mess from the word Go so you don't do that shit in the future, but get thee to a lawyer and obtain a restraining order, immediately. Don't you dare move out, you get her ass out post haste.

There you have it, in a nutshell.

Kick that gold-digging bitch the fuck out and tell her good luck supporting her family now. But, do get that lawyer son! Take that $ you saved up and buy that lawyer now! You can bet your ass she's probably already lined one up...using your money of course.

 

[alien amp pharm]

the pushing of my wife that has allowed me to become more financially successful.

Well duh! So she can have more (of your) money to spend.

She is the rock in my life.

How about growing a pair. Otherwise you'll continue to get run over by women.