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Gimme some advice for my fag hag girlfriend... (long read, read only if bored.)

AAP

Plat Hero
Platinum
No BullShit OK?

Cast of Characters:

Mr. Anal starring as himself. (Naturally)
Mary - Mr. Anal's fag hag friend from college days.
Benjamin - Mary's date from last year, and current love interest.

Character History:

To give you some idea of Benjamin's past before getting to the juicy stuff..... He is 35, educated, successful, very down to earth. He had a fiance for 7 years that he was really in love with before she passed away due to an auerysm (sp?)

Mary met Benjamin in October of last year. They dated until right after Christmas time. Ok, Mary had just gotten over an emotionally abusive relationship that ended when she kicked the moocher out in Dec. 99. (Bitch still didn't give me anything that year for Xmas either, but anyway...) She does the self pity, mope scene for a few months, then comes back to her good ol' self and starts socializing again. Ok, One weekend Mary goes out and runs into some friends, makes small talk and leaves after a few hours. Next day, no less than 4 people call Mary telling her some really nice guy is asking about her. Wants to meet her. She thinks nothing of it, but about 3 months later (people are still telling her that this guy wants to meet her the entire time. he has put MAJOR effort into meeting her. Good sign right?) she runs into this dude, starts talking and they hit it off. They go out and everything seems really really SWELL (gosh, that's a straight word if I ever heard it.) They go to the mountains, movies, mutual friends houses... etc..... Benjamin is confessing to people that he really, really likes Mary and he enjoys spending time with her.

Ok, a side note that must be mentioned and please do not make jokes about it ok guys? During this time, Benjamin is impotent. Due to an expiremental medicine he is taking at the time. Not sure what the medicine was for, as I didn't really want to get into his personal life. But this is fine with Mary, as her last relationship was built and established on sex alone. So Mary is really enjoying herself with Benjamin and getting to know this guy and not feeling like a fuck slave like the last loser made her feel. But they are still very intimate and close, very comfortable with each other in bed.

Ok, right after Christmas time, Benjamin is acting a little weird. For instance, both he and Mary are traveling to another city at the same time, but seperately. He to attend a sisters' wedding, she to work. Never once does he make an offer to get together or go out or see each other while there. Ok.... few weeks later, both are members of the same March of Dimes fund raiser and both are going to a weekend function at Myrtle Beach. Mary's conference is on Sat. His on Sunday. Both are in town until Monday, again .... no effort to see one another. Now the kicker.... right after this, Mary is coming to Ft. Lauderdale to see - Me. Mr. Anal. The charming dashing studly guy that I am. Now this is all pre-planned six months ahead of time and she has already told Benjamin about this. Surprise Surprise... he is coming to Ft. Lauderdale as well. Same time, same week, and again... same situation. No effort to socialize with someone who just crawled out of his bed that morning. Ok, she comes down and explains it to me and I am like... "That is weird, wonder why he is doing that." So to make a long story short, Mary and I go to dinner one night and lo and behold, guess who is seated at the table next to us within 15 minutes? Benajmin. Now the really weird part. The resturant is crowded and small and the table he is sitting at is so close, I could have reached over and taken food off his plate. Actually, he was knocking elbows with me sitting down. AND HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK HER WAY THE ENTIRE TIME!!! He just sits there, head craned ackwardly away from us. I am in disbelief and she is too. So after dinner, I stand up and go "hey, know this girl right here?" and he is like 'oh.. Mary, I didn't see you sitting over there" (bullshit) So she introduces me as her college friend and they chit chat awhile. The entire time, he is eyeing me and is incredbily nervous. I think, maybe he thinks I am dating her as well. So I even go out of the way to let him know I have a boyfriend (even though I didn't at the time, I just wanted him to know nothing was amiss with Mary and I) So to make a long story short.... both he and Mary return home and she never hears from him again. She calls a few times and he never returns her calls. She runs into him in the grocery store, video store and he just avoids eye contact with her. But people are telling her that when she is unaware he is still staring at her like a lost puppy.

Now while they were conversing in the resturant and from what I had already gathered, Mr. Anal was slipping into his Junior Psychiatrist role. What I observed were:

Benjamin seemed to be quite emotionally dead ended. I don't know if he is always like this, or because of losing his fiance. But he exhibited NO emotion other than nervousness and that was towards me. No emotion at all towards her.

Benjamin was quite timid and meek at times. Mary often told me that he was pretty much a "yes" person at all times.

Now fast forward to this past Sunday. He calls her out of the blue. It seems that a function they had attended once mailed him an invite to come back and it had both of their names on it. Sicne they both signed it together. Seeing her name on the invite "reminded" him of her and he decided to call. Out of curiosity, and perhaps boredom, or just to get an explanation, she goes over. And guess what? The Benjamin of old was back, affectionate, loving, cuddly, etc.... He kept asking her what was going on her life, what had she been up to... (but avoiding asking about what happened or even mentioning it. ) He acted like only one month had passed and not ten. So they talk and you guessed it, they are both in Ft. Lauderdale this week as well. He did not mention getting together while they were here, (no surprise there) or anything like that and Mary is cool with that, because she came down to visit a guy she met last month.

So big question, Mary still likes this guy. Out of the several she dated since her last relationship, the spark and chemistry is there with Benjamin (for her at least) What is a girl to do? On one hand, I want to tell her to call him, go see him, try to figure out where he was that time and why he reacted like that. Maybe he was self conscious about being impotent (he no longer is - see the info we gays get...) One thing that bothers me is that during the four months they were seeing each other several times each week, he never really talked about the future, or any feelings he had for her. He would say things like " you have a great body, , I really enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you.." But he never really said "I like you, or I love you, or anything to show fondness or affections" Which is why I remarked he was like an emotional dead end. And his friends remarked to her that they never saw him as happy as he was when out with her. Kind of contradictory huh?

On the other hand, I want to tell her to forget the bozo. He should have been a man and at least told her why he was avoiding her. I mean, it is like his rutting season is in October of each year. I am scared that if she goes back and starts seeing him, it will repeat itself in the entirity or worse, she will be in another unloving relationship.

What ya'll think?
 
TIME HEALS ALL INJURIES!

NEVER FORGET THIS,
AND KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, ALWAYS.
TO CLOSE IT WOULD WOULD ONLY HARM YOU, AND THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU:)
 
I ain't looking for a philosophy quote. I got plenty of them to use on her anyway.

I want a hell yeah go out with him or tell him kiss her ass kind of answer.
 
If Benjamin was truly interested in Mary, he would have treated her much differently. Regardless of any affection he is showing now, she should forget the guy.

He's immature and doesn't know how to treat a lady.
 
Fuck the limp dick asshole. Tell her she'd spend years getting him over the bullshit he's got going on. Keep talkin and start walkin....
 
May - a part of me thinks the same. I am just withholding judgement because:

#1 She is the first girl he has gone out with since his fiance died.
#2 I think he has a hard time believing he met a person like her. Maybe he just is the type of guy who can express affection
He would always say things like "I bet you have a ton of guys after you." etc..
#3 Maybe this time around, he will conduct himself differently.
#4 Maybe he was caught off guard by the whole dating thing and seeing her with me paniced him.

I mean, he put an awfully lot of effort into meeting her.
 
Kahn - you got a point there. I want to tell her that as well. Because you can NOT groom someone to be the person you want, no matter how much you like them.

Now he is no longer impotent, maybe that was his hang up before. Then again, that might be the ONLY reason he called her back.
 
Between Mary and I, we had the news on every guy at our college campus.
 
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