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Chick advice (SWV potential, Female advice appreciated, haters need not click here)

Lestat

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Backstory. Been single since February, been on a great run of dating, lots of action all summer, but have been seeing one girl in particular 1-2 times per week since August.

So we've been dating for 3 months or so. She went to my company holiday party with me, she's met most of my friends, etc.

I get asked all the time if she's my girlfriend, I kept saying NO no no no no to everyone that asked, i said we were just dating, no talk of any commitment or anything.

But my female friends keep telling me that girls are different they assume that once you start sleeping with a guy that its a serious thing, etc.

So fast forward to Saturday, I don't know what the fuck came over me, but I asked her straight up "Do you call me your boyfriend?"

She kinda freaked out, said we can talk about it sometime, that it was a lot to get into now, that she had to go, that now she wouldn't be able to concentrate all day, etc.

Ok, so that opened up a can of worms I wasn't prepared for, I really didn't care, was just curious because I didn't want to mis represent the relationship in some way.

So I had about 24 hours to think about it before I was seeing her again and the more I thought about it, it started to bother me. I do like this chick. We get along well, she's great in bed, shares similar interests (both love the beach).

So last night we have a date. We go halloween costume shopping, pick up a a couple of pumpkins and a bottle of wine. Went to dinner. She was talking about how we had such a fun night ahead of us. Wine, pumpkin carving, smoke a bowl, sex, chocolate for dessert. All of this time we never really revisited the conversation from before.

So around midnight, after all the fun, the sex, all of that, we are in bed and she is telling me how it feels so comfortable and good to be with me. I asked her, "did I freak you out with that question yesterday?"

She says "oh, no, but I guess we should talk about that shouldn't we?"

I say sure.

She tells me that with where she is in live right now, really busy with a lot of personal development things going on and working nights 5 nights a week she says she doesn't have time or feel its right for her to commit to a boyfriend because she takes that very seriously or wants to be able to give a lot to it, etc.

I'm like, ok. This is kind of a shocker to me, usually its the women trying to get too serious too fast on me and I have to keep it casual and keep my distance. I do this usually because its with chicks I DON'T want to spend THAT much time with, or get too emotionally invested in, so its easy, just keep the distance, if it doesn't work, then its not the end of the world.

So that is now how I am thinking she is viewing me, which is fine, but I want to know it so that I don't pass up on an opportunities because I am thinking this girl is relationship material. Now I feel a little rejected by the whole thing too which is fucking with my head a bit. She's clearly into me, but I feel like I'm almost getting played now.

thoughts?
 
bw1 said:
Just enjoy bro, don't freak yourself out. Let thing happen as they happen.
solid advice man. That is my life's mantra really, I like to live day by day, enjoying each for what it has to offfer.

BUT at the same time, I like to work for the future, to make sure that what I am doing today is going to benefit me in the future. One of my long term goals is a healthy a fulfilling relationship, possibily marriage and a family. I don't want to "waste" too much time with someone with no potential. Hooking up and sex is one thing, but we seem to be forming some emotional attachments as well.
 
Assuming she's not the game-playing type, maybe she's telling you the truth. Maybe she takes the girlfriend thing very seriously and does not feel like she is in a position to accept the responsibility(maybe she does not want to disappoint you or make you feel like you are getting less than you deserve from a real, full time girlfriend) because she is so busy.
OR
Maybe she is the game playing type. Maybe she likes to keep you at a safe distance so you keep chasing her.
Good luck.
 
myway said:
Assuming she's not the game-playing type, maybe she's telling you the truth. Maybe she takes the girlfriend thing very seriously and does not feel like she is in a position to accept the responsibility(maybe she does not want to disappoint you or make you feel like you are getting less than you deserve from a real, full time girlfriend) because she is so busy.
OR
Maybe she is the game playing type. Maybe she likes to keep you at a safe distance so you keep chasing her.
Good luck.
that is something I have considered too.

The thing is, I wasn't really pushing for the boyfriend/girlfriend label, at least that was not the intention.

Also, I told her this, I didn't bring anything up because I wanted anything to change. I am very happy and comfortable seeing her 1-2 times per week. You can still get very involved with someone without spending every waking moment with them. I don't think ANY two people friends, husband/wife, co workers, family, etc can spend THAT much time with someone and not go insane.
 
Lestat said:
solid advice man. That is my life's mantra really, I like to live day by day, enjoying each for what it has to offfer.

BUT at the same time, I like to work for the future, to make sure that what I am doing today is going to benefit me in the future. One of my long term goals is a healthy a fulfilling relationship, possibily marriage and a family. I don't want to "waste" too much time with someone with no potential. Hooking up and sex is one thing, but we seem to be forming some emotional attachments as well.

Here's what I think...There's no perfect answer to this. Can't cut her off because what if she is the "one". Don't want to be attached because what if she's not or don't feel the same way. No real way of seeing into the future. Try not to think to much about it. If it's meant to be, it will happen..If not oh well. You'll find the right one sooner or later. Just my $.02
 
Lestat said:
that is something I have considered too.

The thing is, I wasn't really pushing for the boyfriend/girlfriend label, at least that was not the intention.

Also, I told her this, I didn't bring anything up because I wanted anything to change. I am very happy and comfortable seeing her 1-2 times per week. You can still get very involved with someone without spending every waking moment with them. I don't think ANY two people friends, husband/wife, co workers, family, etc can spend THAT much time with someone and not go insane.
I understand from first hand knowledge. I work a TON.
If you think her intentions are good and yours are too, then just give it a little more time. Keep communicating and be 100% honest with her. Everything happens for a reason.Enjoy, take it slow and see what happens.
 
Since you feel that way about her, I would probably turn it around on her......"Does it bother you if I refer to you as my GF?" That gives her a different take on the matter and is no pressure: Doesn't matter what she calls you, and you are being just a little vulnerable. Just my take.
 
Uh, I guess I'm not completely understanding what you're asking advice on. What to do in general? Well here's what I have to offer as my $0.02...

Enjoy what you have, don't worry about what you might or don't have. She's not playing you so skip that thought. It sounds like she's just being honest with herself about what she can offer to someone else right now. The two of you have a great time together, correct? Well then don't sweat it. RELAX and go with the flow.
 
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