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That Bird! That Fucking Bird! Oh man, you guys are gonna roll at this one! rsnoble


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Excerpt: Hey dudes whats up? I thought it was time for another Rsnoble fucked up story. Actually it's not a story, it's just my day. Pretty much typical, but anyways: Forget the rest of the day till about 4pm. I do a grueling tri-bi workout till about 445pm. It's all part of my roadmap to a 400lb+natural bench. Like this year. Ok, big 'f'deal. Read on. Ok im done now. And jesus im I hungreeee!!!!!!!! So I go to the local bar, you know people, (ha ha no bourbon scotch or gin tonight~) and

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  1. #1
    Olympian
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    That Bird! That Fucking Bird! Oh man, you guys are gonna roll at this one! rsnoble

    Hey dudes whats up? I thought it was time for another Rsnoble fucked up story. Actually it's not a story, it's just my day. Pretty much typical, but anyways:

    Forget the rest of the day till about 4pm. I do a grueling tri-bi workout till about 445pm. It's all part of my roadmap to a 400lb+natural bench. Like this year. Ok, big 'f'deal. Read on.

    Ok im done now. And jesus im I hungreeee!!!!!!!! So I go to the local bar, you know people, (ha ha no bourbon scotch or gin tonight~) and I order beer. In fact as soon as I got done working out I grabbed two ice cold buds and slung them on the way to the bar. Now I order the special. 2 big pork chops, 1 pound cheesy potatoes, and 12oz. homeade greenbeans/bacon. Well im friends with the fat cook cause everyone say I am his best friend! (cause I always clean my plate you know).

    Well he always gives me a little extra. I get an extra pork chop(these are 1" thick) and a bowl of mashed potatoes. Being the nonchalant asshole that I am, I immediately dumped the mashed taters on top of this huge fucking plate of food and then smear a half bottle of horseradish all over the chops. And not that damn shit with mayo, im talking straight horsesnips here.

    Keep in mind bulkhounds, this meal only cost me $5.00............

    So anyways............Right when I start chowin down this looney tune red hair bitch comes in with like this 3' fucking long bird cage with bunches of goddamn birds, sits right next to my fucking ass and puts birds on bar next to my fucking food. Im like ok HO, whatever. Please get your stinky fucking birds away. Of course HO ends up being friends with the bartender thats sweet on me(literally). So this is cool, here I am half plowed, stuffin my fat face, and HO opens the fucking bird cage next to me trying to pick out this nasty looking grey motherfucker thats suppose to be tame. Tame my ass! This feathery fuck hops on her finger, jumps off and lands knee motherfucking deep in my plate of fucking food!! I just about fell off my goddamn barstool. I was in total shock. I almost asked for phone to dial 911. I mean seriously, has this ever happened?????? Anyways HO grabs tweety, bartender franickly wipes him off with a wet bar cloth and they shove him her? back in cage and this bird just fucking goes off!! He was squaking and jumpin around and shit and just screamin his head off. I honestly think some horseradish went up his fucking ass or something. I swear, now that I have witnessed this next time I am going to stab that mofo with my fork, swish him around in the gravy, and eat his fucking ass!

    So anyways, Ho realizes she was dumb for bringing feathered friends, as everyone else in the bar, and leaves. With birds. The whole fucking bar was rolling and the owner was there and said in the 20 years she owned the place she had never seen the whole bar laugh that hard all at once at the same thing. And of course I was right there in the middle of it.

    The rest of the night: Believe it or not about 2 hours later I was hungry again. So I ordered the Ham salad/fries special. This is a beautiful pink sandwich, about 2" thick. God it's fucking good.

    And they've been getting slow on wednesdays. So to drum it up they have drawings every hour between 4 and 7. If you win you get somethin free. You get 1 ticket for every drink you buy. Well I hadn't won jack fuckin shit by 7 which was the last drawing. I had 6 drinks between 6-7, and everyone else only had like 2-3 tickets. I was a for sure shoe in! And yes, big announcement comes! Yes Rob, says big tit Kim, you are the winner!! Ha ha fucks, what do I get! You get a free order of chicken fingers. So I went ahead and ordered them, and ate them on the way home. I am pregnant right now, but I just grabbed another bud.

    "The best part of waking up.........................is Budweiser in your cup!"

  2. #2
    Elite Mentur gonelifting's Avatar
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    Damn, Long ass story. ... Rob


    How`s business?
    do it now


    Official Iron Angels Member

    Reading the mod's TOS handbook.

  3. #3
    Da Pope
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    LMAO i would have FLIPPED out if a bird just landed in my food and started chirping away... great story.

    My name is Rob too. Small world.

  4. #4
    Cyborg XBiker's Avatar
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    Re: That Bird! That Fucking Bird! Oh man, you guys are gonna roll at this one! rsnoble

    Originally posted by rsnoble
    Hey dudes whats up? [...]

    Anyways HO grabs tweety, bartender franickly wipes him off with a wet bar cloth and they shove him her? back in cage and this bird just fucking goes off!! He was squaking and jumpin around and shit and just screamin his head off. I honestly think some horseradish went up his fucking ass or something.
    With your level of political correctness, you should run for office.

    Seriously.

    Yours in politics,

    X.

  5. #5
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    Quite a vivid tale!!

  6. #6
    DaddyX
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    LOL

  7. #7
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    Originally posted by gonelifting
    Damn, Long ass story. ... Rob


    How`s business?
    Sorry bro, I type super fast and couldn't really condense that one. It just happened.

    Biz: Well I just got done sending a few things out that people had been screaming and yelling about. and leaving messages on my phone. It amazes me: I tell them 2 weeks for me to send it. I take 13 days, send it, and people freak. Im not super busy, but Ive got a little bit of stuff coming in. Enough to keep me busy for now, which is better than it has been. Im sure supernav is anxiously awaiting his new speaker, which ill get ready next week. Hope everything is going well on your end.

  8. #8
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    Re: Re: That Bird! That Fucking Bird! Oh man, you guys are gonna roll at this one! rsnoble

    Originally posted by XBiker


    With your level of political correctness, you should run for office.

    Seriously.

    Yours in politics,

    X.
    Dude I would get shot within 2 weeks.

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