Anxiety over in-laws reaction over my recent weight loss...

[CatOwner1966]

Lately, I've been very afraid over how my in-laws will treat me when they see me for the first time post weight-loss etc(I havent seen them since late January since I've lost the weight and toned up ).They are very bullyish and manipulative and downright cruel(Especially my MIL,FIL & SIL). I have told my husband that I cannot be around them very much anymore because of how nosey and opinionated they are. Did I also mention that most of them are obese? Yep. Sadly they do not care. I'm trying my hardest to deal with the anxiety and sadness that has come over me lately because I know how they are. The mother and sister have a big jealousy problem as it is and the father is just plain insecure which is why he knocks me down most likely to make himself feel better. I didn't have a tremendous about of weight to lose, just 20 pounds of body fat and now I'm pretty much close to the size that I was when he first introduced me to him 8 years ago and boy! I remember how vicious they were to me back then. Long,long story. They are the most backwards and insensitive bunch of clods I've ever met in my entire life and yes, My marriage could be at serious risk if hubby doesnt step in and put them in thier place soon. He hasn't done it yet and YES! I've talked to him several times in that 8-year time period(Still do). Wish my parents were still alive Has anyone else here had this or something like this happen to you(with in-laws or anyone else you know) because you lost the weight? Just wondering...

Anyway, Sorry for the whining and thank you for listening. I just needed to vent.
Sherri

P.S.: Just in case you're wondering, Here are the in-laws ad this is what I'm dealing with:

Father in law(Who tries to psychologically manipulate me and cuts me down):
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/CatLover66/Chuck2.jpg


Mother in Law(Left, Who stares me up and down every time I see her and sends cakes & breads home with her son(My husband) and tells him to make sure I try them):

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/CatLover66/JoanNMike.jpg


And finally the sister in law who bullies, puts me down and also tries to psychologically manipulate me(By the way, If I'm around her and I don't have my wedding ring on(Like when I'm cooking something etc.), she'll ask why I'm not wearing it. Her and the mother talk on the phone alot and have little "Family meetings" to make sure things get done like my getting married(Like that was any of thier business) to thier son/brother. Like they even gave a shit about him before I came into the picture):

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/CatLover66/TerHoldinUpGlass.jpg

 

[Raina]

Do you have to go? I wouldn't if my husband wasn't going to stand up for me. Marriage is about friendship and I couldn't handle it if his family treated me like dirt and he just stood for it.

You should be proud of yourself for your progress. Easier said than done, but screw what they think. If you taking care of yourself makes them more insecure that's their problem. But there's no reason you should have to hang around to be mistreated.

 

[bran987]

where is your progress thread?

 

[Razorguns]

How did u lose the weight?

OMG, that's family has drama written all over it. Eek.

 

[jdynasty]

oh, geez, tell them to just stfu, I mean after all he has to go home with you

 

[nycgirl]

where is your progress thread?

She joined this month. Do you want her to post before and after pics to prove the lost?

 

[BrothaBill]

Dont let them get to you, then they win. Be strong, find zen and meditate, find inner peace and you'll realize all of this anxiety is created in your head. Then live your life doing good karma things for people in situations worse off than yours and you'll realize how insignificant all of this.
Volunteer to help with hospice care and work care for people who are dying, you'll be doing something good and itll help you realize whats really important in life, not some opinionated inlaws. I mean who really cares what they think anyhow, take control of your life and tell them in adult firm manner when they do things like that. Talk to them as an adult and say a zen statement, something to jar them out of their reality.

Like wow, you know that really hurts me when you say that. It moves them from child or parent form of communication to adult.
There are three forms psychologically of communication in one model.
The child, oh you are always this, its the whining. You acknowledge them and get them to move up to the adult form of communication. This is only where true communication takes place.
And then there is the adult form of communication where they tell you this is the way it should be. Your job is to move them from that mode of communicating into a place where they can hear what you are saying.
ITs about YOU guiding communication with your family and people around you. Dont pawn it off on your husband. That dog just wont hunt. Its up to you finally take control of your life and quit whining about it and feeling anxious about it. You see, you are in the child mode of communication and Im trying to move you into the adult mode of communication.
BY being an adult and talking to them directly, yourself, thats what it means to be an adult. They may not be acting like an adult either so its your job to make them act like adults. Trust me, youll be happier, its all zen if you do that

 

[jackangel]

1)your progress is a great thing (however much it is). you should feel
good about it. good enough to not sweat these freaks. you must.

2)fuck these peeps.

3)definitely don't go. if you do, let your husband know that you won't
deal with the shit. but i don't think you want to put them in their
fatty fat places. so, definitely don't go.

4)keep making progress. look perfect. let them die inside (jelusy) and stuff.

5)figure out where exactly your husband's head is in this bullshit. since it's
his family, he should intercede on your behalf, or at least be willing to. if
he isn't, that's a shortcoming of his. perhaps even a deal-breaker.

6)fuck their fat fucking selves.

7)^^^

 

[CatOwner1966]

Wow! Thank you all for your responses. Razorguns, I just took the advice of the owner of my gym and have been (and still) following the Eating For Life program along with working out. The weight didn't fall off overnight, but it did happen. Still have more work to do if I wanna look nearly as good as all of you do <wink>. Sorry Bran but I do not have a progress thread and didn't know that I needed to post recent photos to prove that I am not a fat pig making all of this up LOL. I will definetly have to take some photos soon although there's still some toning work to be done LOL

 

[RottenWillow]

They are the most backwards and insensitive bunch of clods I've ever met in my entire life and yes, My marriage could be at serious risk if hubby doesnt step in and put them in thier place soon. He hasn't done it yet and YES! I've talked to him several times in that 8-year time period(Still do). Wish my parents were still alive Has anyone else here had this or something like this happen to you(with in-laws or anyone else you know) because you lost the weight?

Amiga, you need an empowering mantra. Repeat this: "piss on those fat assholes". Seriously, say it out loud...."piss on those fat assholes". Clearly they are just jealous of you and felt more comfortable as you gained weight.

About your husband, either he is intimidated by them like you are, or he's just being an insensitive jerk. If he hasnt done it already, then you husband isnt going to stand up for you unless there is some sort of real consequence from you.

And I had a similar, but less intense experience with my fiance's grandmother. She used to make constant thinly veiled insults about me being mexican or having a fat ass. My fiance and his mom both told me to just ignore her, that's just "her way", and "she's always been like that with everyone". I took it for over a year, until I wanted to kill her. Finally, I very bluntly told her she was a rude, petty, immature, vapid old battleax. (I avoided profanity). She never again made any more insulting remarks.