Advice for a failing relationship

[satanic goatslayer]

Hello all,

As some of you know, I have been involved with one of my lady friends for about 3.4 weeks now, and things are going downhill. It started off great, we had many things in common, the sex was great, and she 'was' extremely intelligent.

Now things aren't what they used to be. She's withdrawn, she doesn't smile often, and the fellatio is sub-par at best. I have tried to talk to her, help her out, but she doesn't respond. She used to be optimistic, and now she is so pessimistic that I sometimes tear out my teeth with pliers.

Yesterday I got her a gift. A bracelet. Lovely gems set in platinum, I will herd many a sheep to pay it off. I set it down in front of her, and she opened it and then pushed it away, as if it was a vial of poison.

I decided to kill her.

I went out to the shed and grabbed a spade that I had sharpened the week earlier. I walked back to the house and asked her "are you gonna go my way?" and she stared at me blankly.

After a few whacks to the skull, she began to talk a bit.

"Stop it"

"Ouch"

"Fuck you"

"My head!!!"

"Don't kill me"

I was quite happy to see her come out of her shell. Fortunately, I still had some energy from the methamphetamines I had snorted at lunch, so I put the spade to her neck and serenaded her with a ballad thought by many to be the quintessential love song.

"I'll start to slice and kill and maim
I'll pick up a hammer smash in your face
Torn up I'll continue to kill you
I'll grab a knife and stick it in you
Your body mangled drenched in blood - blood
Pulverize I'm on another attack
Don't turn your back I bought my pick axe
Look into my eyes these eyes are dead
As I kill I still cum blood"

And then I severed her head from her spine.

My problem is the disposal of her body.

Shall I burn it?

Bury it?

Dry and tan it?

Any and all advice is appreciated.

Thank you in advance,

Satanic Goatslayer

 

[Steroid_Virgin]

A true GS classic... I often steal your material when I get upset with people at work.

 

[satanic goatslayer]

Thank you for stealing my problems.

But seriously, I do need some advice.

 

[manny78]

humm I would drop the body in a big sulfuric acid container.... good idea no ?

 

[nycdefender]

Why don't you take her to a taxidermist and have her stuffed? You can keep her around if you are ever feeling lonley--and she'll never nag you again or decline your gifts.

 

[big4life]

If she meant a lot to you then option # 3.
Otherwise dispose of the body at your pleasure.

Now go enjoy yourself.

 

[satanic goatslayer]

Thank you all for your replies, it means a lot to me. You all get karma from me.

I have decided to shoot her corpse from 2.56 feet away with a 10 gauge shotgun until there is nothing left. Sounds fun, and I can drink shine as I do it.

 

[Sassy69]

SG - this brings to mind a favorite song from the 90's:

I used to love her but I had to kill her
I used to love her, mm yeah, but I had to kill her
I had to put her six feet under and I can still hear her complain

I used to love her, oh yeah, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, oh yeah, but I had to kill her
I knew I'd miss her so I had to keep her
She's buried right in my backyard
Oh yeah, ohoh yeah, whoa, oh yeah

I used to love her nut I had to kill her
I used to love her, mm yeah, but I had to kill her
She bitched so much, she drove me nuts and now I'm happier this way
Whoa, oh yeah

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, mm yeah, but I had to kill her
I had to put her, oh, six feet under and I can still hear her complain

 

[gymtime]

I'm no genius at this. But SG, seriously, you're never gonna get anywhere with these women by violently killing them. Women just don't respond to that.

 

[satanic goatslayer]

Sassy, funny you mention that. That was 'our' song.

gymtime, the brilliance behind brutally murdering your women is that you are never stuck with just one women. Another reason why I practice polygamy.