3 days of no calling now 3 days in a row she's called.

[bran987]

I thought this was a breakup, she brokeup with me last Wednesday.

All the way till Saturday nothing so I figured it was just how it was going to be.

Now she's called/emailed Saturday (I didn't call back on phone only replied to email and said probably not a good idea, plus you broke up with me because I don't want to get married and nothing has had a chance to change in 3 days why are you contacting me too hard).

She called again the next night and replied to that email (I didn't write back).

Now she just called again and left another voicemail and texted me saying "Goodnight."

This isn't easy at all. I haven't responded to any phonecalls and I only responded to one email she sent to let her know that I wasn't ignoring her or didn't hate her or anything but SHE brokeup with ME! (albeit because I'm not ready for marriage but still...)

 

[jackangel]

i'm sorry for your difficulties, bran. but there is some part of you which is gratified by her attempts to maintain contact with you (and whatever they might mean)...right?

 

[bran987]

i'm sorry for your difficulties, bran. but there is some part of you which is gratified by her attempts to maintain contact with you (and whatever they might mean)...right?

not more than it hurts to be so confused as to why she'd break up with me because I can't give her what she wants then try to prolong my pain. but of course in some way it's nice to know they still care.

 

[Lestat]

resist the urgy to turn into an SWV. One door closes and 10 more open.

 

[bran987]

resist the urgy to turn into an SWV. One door closes and 10 more open.

It was her choice to break up. She has to live with it now, as do I. I don't take kindly to being broken up with and I don't understand why she keeps calling. I don't want to argue, but if she made her decision that's it, it's made in a way, and life goes on. If something changes in the future and our feelings are different that's one thing, but to contact me after 3 days is jumping the gun in a painful way that I just don't want to deal with.

 

[KillahBee]

this is what they do man - you KNOW this. she doesn't want to let go and she sure as fuck does not want to see you let go. sometimes i wonder of two people can coexist in a relationship post-breakup better than when they are together.

this will happen a few times. she's not used to going to bed w/out talking to you. compound that with the fact that she is feeling like shit right now AND doesn 't have the one person in her life whom she has turned to in shitty times for the last 3 years - it's a tough situation. Accept that this is part of the break up process. THat's the first step.

 

[jackangel]

do you think you're definitely done with her? how old is she? you're 25-26, right? and she's probably younger. if so, i wonder where this strong urge or need to be married comes from. these days, it's not nearly as likely to be from familial or societal pressure. what makes her tick? is it a matter of her thinking, "ok, we've been together this long, and we love each other...why not just take the next step?" ? or is there some other need for validation of your love, or security, or is she one of those women who seeks to establish a married life as the core of her identity, or...?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

i agree with killah, and want to add that in her mind, the breakup was, at least in part, to coerce you into marrying her.

fact is that she never really didnt want you.

 

[Scotsman]

She was probably hoping to force you into a marriage proposal and is disturbed now that it has backfired and realizes the mistake.

Be strong sir, be strong.

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[canadianhitman]

If hearing her voice hurts, then you DEFINATELY don't want to actually talk to her or exchange emails...that will be so much worse. Continue your silence indefinately, and be wary of an in-person ambush to force you to communicate: could be at home, at work, at the gym...anywhere that's a part of your regular routine. When it happens, tell her that you don't wish to converse, and remove yourself from the situation. You don't owe her anything, so why cause yourself an exended period of pain just to allow her to feel better? BE STRONG, be absolute in distancing yourself from her as much as possible, and you'll be over this quicker than you think.