depression without the depression

[Lao Tzu]

Since i took it on myself to learn as much as i could about pharmacology as it relates to depression i am now depressed again but i dont feel depressed. i hear old people get this way too, they have all the symptoms of depression except they dont feel depressed. This is a major step up though compared to how i used to feel when i started feeling down, which happens maybe 1-2x a week. Goddamn it. now i feel tired, worn out, weak, apathetic, pessimistic but not depressed. this is weird, but it beats the hell out of the alternatititve.

Why am i posting this on EF you may ask? i dont know. hell, goddamn female friend i emailed to ask to hang out this weekend isnt calling back and what the fuck are things going with and shit. HAHAHAHAHA. she'll never talk again as things are broken. fucking why do wmen have to feel attracted to me? eat at least friends shouldn't do that thats stupid and gets in the way.

Also, all the training is taking its toll i cant control appetite im eating 5500 calories a day. this happens when i train too hard i cant stop eating food, maybe its the body crying out for energy to rebuild itself. weird. i can eat 2000 calories a day w/o problem excpet i i work out too hard then i find myself binging and taking in 6000 or so. at least it'll stop in a few days.

what else? what else is there? i dont know. why post it on EF though? why not.

 

[presguy]

giddy up

 

[Lao Tzu]

giddy up

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i normally am not this out of it unless im drinking. goddamn it. at least im not depressed though.