If you go to the Testosterone site, you'll notice they have articles called "Rater X" where they review sport supplements and give them a nutsack factor. They call newbies "Peewee" and T-mag readers "T-Dude". This is pure bullshit! they just want to make their readers feel like they are knowledgeable and smart(Bill Phillips anyone??)and so many people are falling for it!! they go, "man, biotest really cares for us, and make quality supplements" Bill Phillips and EAS all over again.
Here's my version of "Rater X" which I will call:
[RAPED X]:
Ribose C:
Peewee: hey cool! look at this! I don't know what the hell ribose is, but I know creatine builds muscle! I know because my buddy gained 10lbs of muscle in a week!!! holy shit! that means creatine and this ribose stuff must put on at least double that!! com'here baby! I'm taking ya home!!!!
T-Dude: Ok, here we go again, Creatine repackaged once more, and it's mixed with Ribose, which I know doesn't really help much for short workouts, and is more suited to endurance events, along with Gatorade and Powerbars. I also know that creatine is very unstable in liquid form, and now there's like 3 companies all claiming to be only ones with a stable liquid creatine" who cares anyway? why spend more than you have to? I think I'll stick to the powder and mix it whith grape juice.
Peewee factor: 5 pee pee soaked nutsacks
T-Dude factor: 1 heavily nandrolone scarred nutsack
Tribex-500:
Peewee: what is this? Tribex-500, whoa! sounds like some scientific breakthrough!
and it says "Pro-Testosterone formula" Holy cow! I want more testosterone, because I heard the more you have the bigger you get!
that's it, this bottle's mine!!!
T-Dude: Hmm, Tribex-500, it has Tribulus Terrestris, which supposedly boosts natural test levels, along with Avena Sativa, a herb that they can't even explain what it does, they say it "Frees bound testosterone"
how does it do that? rip off the hormone right off its bound protein molecule? even steroids can't do that! and this Ipriflavone thing being anabolic, sure it help keeps bone mass, but that has nothing to do with building muscle! and as far as I know, Clomid does a far better job than this stuff at boosting Test levels, and even then I never heard anyone gaining mass off a Clomid only cycle, so something's up here, my wallet's a staying in my pocket!
Peewee factor: 4 bursting(literally)nutsacks
T-Dude factor: 2 very cautious nutsacks
Androsol:
Peewee: WHOA! look at this! It has andro in the name! I know Mark Magwire uses andro, and look at him! he's HUGE!!! and they say that this stuff is as good as SUSTANON 250, whatever the hell that is, but it sounds like a steroid, man, if it works as good as a steroid, I'll be just like Mark Mgwire! and the chicks will dig me! and as a bonus I get to spray it on my skin! I want 10 bottles please!!
T-Dude: Oh boy, another Andro product! ok, this company's full of shit! first they take a stand against andro, then they claim they can make a good andro, and not even a month later, they have a breakthrough! a Topical andro! ok, this has been tried before with DMSO, so I guess in theory it could work, but that means everytime you spray it, you are actually destroying your skin so the andro can get in. What about this "stays in your system for 8 hrs straight!" how'd they pull that one off? if it's released slowly into the skin I guess it's possible, but I don't know, we'll see what turns out.
Peewee factor : 4 nutsacks
T-Dude factor :2 very tired nutsacks
As you can see, the industry getting desperate to make money off products that are worthless and hiding behind "Science" as proof of their use. I know they lost a customer here, because they got my hopes up, and crushed them like a bug, so now I crush back! have a nice day Supplement scammers, your time will come to pay for your deeds...
(I'll be writing a few more Raped X collumns if you guys liked this one, 'till then TTYL!)||206.186.72.169||reg||
Z||000001||sour jerk||07-19-2000||10:25 PM||sourjerk@hotmail.com||lol..that was great but you need to rip on muscle tech....i cant stand that kovacks freak...
sourjerkkkkkkk k k kk k kkk kk k k kk k k||205.188.195.28||reg||
Z||000002||d1734||07-20-2000||03:31 PM||d1734@yahoo.com||good post. bump||24.31.114.84||reg||
Z||000003||RaginAsian||07-20-2000||08:40 PM||raginasian@888.nu||I must say this about Ribose products: they would be good if you were using GH. Yeah that's right, GH and ribose go hand in hand. Think about it.
Ragin Asian
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"The Great Wall of China wasn't built overnight. And neither was this hot body, ladies! Get in line and have your i.d.'s in hand." - Ragin Asian||207.172.110.116||reg||
Z||000004||sheila||07-21-2000||11:19 AM||||Great post! As Muscletech and Biotest seem to be the two worst companies out there right now, it would be appreciated to include Muscletech next time. You're rockin funny!||200.34.197.2||reg||
Z||000005||Boogieman||07-21-2000||11:37 AM||ytk2000@hushmail.com||too funny... lol
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Don't kick it till ya try it!||161.142.232.12||reg||
Z||000006||Serial Joe||07-21-2000||12:13 PM||||SoCal is worse than Muscletech...||204.50.185.34||reg||
Z||000007||Future One||07-21-2000||11:05 PM||||Yeah well, Muscletech preys on the newbies, but Biotest is preying on the supposed "Knowledgeable" people, and that's why I'm pissed at them. But sure, I can burn Muscletech if you want, it's just too damn easy though...||206.186.72.144||reg||
Z||000008||sour jerk||07-21-2000||11:54 PM||sourjerk@hotmail.com||what about syntrax,derek cornelius is full of shit,everything he sells he supposedly found.like triax which been around for years..and gugullbolic a fucking ancient herb which he discovered...ha ha ha ...||205.188.192.167||reg||
Z||000009||Future One||07-22-2000||12:02 AM||||RAPED XII : Ephedrine strikes back!
Well, I'm back for another installment and another look at some not-so-honest companies:
poor Peewee is being attacked like never before, but even the T-Dude has to be weary, so let's see what's on the shelves today?
Hydroxycut:
Peewee: WHOA! it says "Burn 613% more fat!!!"
and this huge guy says he gained 2 inches on his arms and 3 inches on his chest!!, well, I don't even need to lose fat, but if that guy's gaining inches in his arms and chest!
and that other dude says he got down 18% fat to 3% then this stuff is THE BOMB!! wallet, you'sa commin' outta mah pocket!
T-Dude: Hydroxycut, let's see the ingredients: Guarana, Ma Huang...hey wait a minute??? didn't Twinlab have a similar product to this like, 2 decades ago??? something Fuel if memory serves...
Where did they pull this number? 613% boy, they're sure accurate to a percent on their "studies"!! and the main ingredient they're hyping is the Hydroxycitric acid, which so far hasn't done squat all on anyone I know.
I think I'll get the Twinlab one, it's $15 cheaper, now if I could only remember the name of it...
Peewee : 5 hot 'n sweaty sacks
T-Dude : 3 not-so-hot but still sweaty sacks
SoCal Effervescent creatine:
Peewee: Oh my God! Scuzzy creatine!!
(SCSS=scuzzy)I know SCSI harddrives are fast!
and it's got a picture of a Stealth Fighter!
phew! this is hardcore stuff! and it says "with double the carbs to slam dunk the creatine into your muscles" this must twice as strong as any other creatine in the market!! MAN! allowance, you's a 'gonna git used today!!! agh hyagh hyagh!
T-Dude: Ahh! come on! more repackaged creatine??? and these guys are hyping the fact that they have "Double the carbs"
who cares? if for some reason I needed more carbs, I think it's cheaper to throw sugar in the mix, and be done with it. I'm stickin' to the powder.
Peewee : 4 water pumped, bloated nutsacks
T-Dude : 1 rectally challenged nutsack
Cycloroid:
Peewee: holy mother of mercy! that Craig Titus guy is HUGE! and he says he's "Very Impressed" with this legal supplement that's practically a 'roid! yeah hell! I'd be very impressed too if I got that big! wow! there's like 20 types of different andros in here!
this is amazing! well, I won't need you anymore wallet! (takes out money. Throws wallet into trash bin.)
T-Dude : Another andro product, and I remember this Craig Titus guy back in '97, he must have been half the size he's now, and wasn't he in jail for a few years, wonder if that was steroid related. As for the product, everytime someone's tried the kitchen sink aproach, the product ends up even crappier than expected. I'm getting some protein instead.
Peewee: 5 "bitch"sacks
T-Dude : 2 sacks, no gyno(phew!!)
Well, there you have it, be wary, and beware!
you may be next in the jaws of the SCAMMERS!!! HOOOAAGH! HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!||206.186.72.144||reg||
Z||000010||pump-n-iron||07-24-2000||12:18 AM||mburress@ix.netcom.com||The "nutsack" scale is a hoot <g>. We
should make that an official unit of
measure, right up there with sh*tload.||24.4.53.230||reg||
Z||000011||Future One||07-25-2000||11:33 AM||||Rocket boosted bump||209.121.244.98||reg||
Z||000012||sour jerk||07-27-2000||04:25 PM||sourjerk@hotmail.com||lol hahahhahahaahahhahaha that was awesome bro..
we need more..
ss oo uu rr jj ee rr kk
what about those fuckheads at eashit...
they must be ratedx!||205.188.198.41||reg||
Z||000013||Future One||07-27-2000||08:27 PM||||Well, i was kind of expecting more replies.
It'd be nice to know if more of you find this funny. I work in a health food store, so I have access to a lot of crap I can make fun of, and there's TONS of stuff that can fit the bill, as soon as I get a chance, I'll write some more...
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(If you only get to go around once, then you might as well
go around with REALLY BIG ARMS...)||206.186.72.161||reg||
Z||000014||d1734||07-28-2000||02:14 PM||d1734@yahoo.com||yeah i think this is a really good idea. i read both myself and enjoyed them. i just liked the first more because of my never ending hatred of biotest (although i still visit the site for training ideas). i would like it if you pick on products that people know less about. for example, i'm curious about triax-II because of so few opinions on it. i think articles on some of the less well known supps would benefit some of us vets although the andro bashings may still help newbies, who knows.||24.31.114.84||reg||
Z||000015||Future One||08-26-2000||01:33 AM||||A must read for newbies...
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Particle Weapon...UP YOUR ASS!!
||206.186.72.131||reg||
Z||000016||Dough White||08-27-2000||01:44 AM||||Dude, this is farkin' hilarious!
I love the nutsack rating system, and the fact that you present the rebuttal side as well!
Keep it coming!||63.214.9.1||reg||
Z||000017||Testoman||08-27-2000||08:29 AM||jtestoman@aol.com||Good job, very good!
How about a little story exposing the two biggest scam products we have right now:
NitroTech and new Designer Protein with ZMAx (the ZMA doesn't even get absorbed by your body with all the calcium in this protein powder, what a fuckin' scam).
TestoMan||205.188.199.44||reg|| Z||000018||DC||09-02-2000||10:01 PM||auto55646@hushmail.com||Dude, Great fucking post. Even if you had a supplement that "feels like Sostenon", telling people that runs its credibility into the ground. I've been working at GNC and Golds Gym for the past 3 years and I have NEVER had someone ask me about a Biotest product.
DC||172.158.179.244||reg||