The PERFECT woman according to the BIBLE with Translation

[catharsis]

PROVERBS 31

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Finding a good woman is not as easy as you think. There are so many es out there, that finding a good woman, is better than finding a million dollar ruby.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

Her hubby doesn't have to worry that she's gonna be a cheating w while he's away on business.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She doesn't change into "evil from hell" just because she's going through some "I have to find myself" phase.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

In the old days, the chicks made clothing for their man. Nowadays, they work part time and buy their man a pair of jeans from time to time. They never about having to work.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

Monday is Taco Night. Tuesday is Fried Chicken night. Wednesday is Italian night.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She's not a lazy . She wakes her ass up in the morning and cooks breakfast.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She knows the value of real estate and having fresh veggies in the garden. She doesn't just feed you any old . When she goes to market, she buys the freshest avocados and .

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She is not a fatty. She stays fit so she can keep taking care of you sexually and generally.





18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
This is the best part. She keeps her cookie groomed well and "her candle goeth not out by night" means she has fire in her loins and keeps you satisfied in the bedroom, despite a hard days work or migraine headaches.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

Hot stuff here...ladies take note.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She's not a to your loser brother. She'll feed whoever comes over.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She doesn't give a if it's raining outside cause she will bundle up your kids and when they go out into the rain.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

She is a sexy momma for you. She dresses up for you and makes herself look pretty.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

Her husbands friends and say, "God, you have a great wife..."

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

She doesn't sit around bullting. She's always trying to make a buck.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She isn't some weak little freak.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She doesn't yap like other women about bull. When she speaks, it's because she actually has something to say...not just because she has to SAY SOMETHING.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

She doesn't sit around gaining weight by eating the bread of idleness. She stays busy and healthy.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

She doesn't let her kids be lazy disrespectful s either. When they act up, she beats their ass. Or yells at them, "Get your lazy asses out of bed." But she does it in such a way that they still respect her. Her husband is like, "Yo, you a bad-ass mama jamma."

[PoyeBoy]

the bible is a piece of

Yeah, good luck finding one that even remotely fits that description. Especially in today's time.

[distanced]

I know, that's why I've never had a girlfriend and don't see finding any soon. I know all of you thought it was just because all women a scared of the tremendous girth of my penis, but no, above is the real reason

[catharsis]

Guys, this is a satirical piece you know. Don't take it too seriously. The translations is what I found entertaining .

[from zero]

Originally posted by PoyeBoy the bible is a piece of

Oh man, I shouldn't have laughed at that, but I did.

[curling]

Originally posted by catharsis Guys, this is a satirical piece you know. Don't take it too seriously. The translations is what I found entertaining .

What are you talking about sounds like a good women to me. Matter of fact, I am going to made my wife read it when I get home.

[quote]the bible is a piece of ]/quote]

For saying that I wonder if God is going to let you marry a woman that is the opposite of all those.

[catharsis]

Your right curling, that would be one mighty fine woman.

[BodyByFinaplix]

Bump... good thread. Haha I'll never find such a woman though.

[PoyeBoy]

Okay maybe the bible isnt a piece of , but its just a book, its was not written by God, it was written by men, its just a bunch of stories to try and give us false hope.

fyi I will read the top part, I just saw someone said something about the bible