musclemom

 

<3

I lost almost everything when I got divorced from my ex..even my children and pets for a short time. This is so much different. Its so hard to put into words but I found a quote from another fire victim online, here it is "Expect your grief to come, fire is an isolation and horrible experience, It burns up more than our "things." It burns up hope and security. It takes our history and... some of our identity. "

I came away with a few "things" in my divorce. Some jewelery, some pictures, my antique rug...a pair of very expensive end tables..my clothes (half of them anyway). I didn't even have a shirt, coat or shoes after this...my youngest was naked wrapped in a blanket and not even her security blanket...no leash for the dog..no toiletries...even when I enlisted I was issued (and was able to buy) basic needs.

We've been donated a ton of stuff including an incredible bedroom set for us...a TON of clothing..including a weeks worth of brand new clothing a neighbor went out and bought. We live in a wealthy area and a lot of people give away stuff thats nicer than what a lot of people go out and buy..the insurance is covering everything..but weird things hit me...A painting my mother painted (shes an accomplished artist) at a very low spot in her life before I was born. My rug..it was very old and impossible to replace..I grew up walking on it, Greg had a blanket (goat hair) from Iraq that he "gave" to me when I felt low. ..and then stuff thats weirder still but just gone..and a pita to replace..makeup, herbal tinctures, cooking es..hell deodorant..hair brushes....

then my sense of security is totally shattered...I bought ten smoke detectors for the rental (it has 9 rooms and had two detectors)...I hear fire trucks (a sound I was very comfortable with) and I freeze a little. I see a cigarette burning and I wonder if someones life is going to be ripped away because of it. I continue to wonder if someone actually set the house on fire. I've aready started to harass the insurance company and the potential contractor for heat sensors and residential sprinklers....

I know I don't "need" any of the stuff..but it would really make me feel more secure when I feel so...adrift.
If someone had been hurt or killed my focus would obviously be elsewhere..but that didn't happen fortunately...none of the firefighters were injured...though my husband did need (but didn't get) stitches in his chin after falling on ice in the driveway..fire trucks, water, cold weather= big ice...so now Im just stuck with this sense of loss and seeing everything either burnt beyond recognition or so black with soot its hopeless to clean is somehow harder than it just being gone...

its so hard to explain.

thanks MM. This has been incredibly hard. Replacing everything sets me off on an almost daily tangent. We lost almost everything .Weird things keep cropping up to be salvageable. Like, the insurance adjuster found my dog tags and my marriage license (different locations) in the house unscathed this week! I loved our house and took a lot of pride in it. We've been moved into a rental that though we picked we sort of hate. It just serves to underscore how well made my house was. I thank god (or whom/whatever) the insurance company has been very smooth efficent and pleasant...I'm starting to turn into a walking billboard for them. The loss of sense of safety and security is sometimes overwhelming.

lOL, I agree.
She's in that -I need to find some wellness, I'm over worked babyboomer 70+ hour demogaph- lol. She in a lifestyle transition phase, so yeah, positive thoughts and relaxing/rhythm/theme is what she needs. She's no longer worried, but I have to say, she seemed pretty adamant, 2 years ago, the world was gonna be shutting down at any moment.

Log in issues are straight out of pink panther/mr. bean. Thanx. Still with Thands, we are good, but made some career changes. Just ordered her a carnelian/red jasper strength bracelet for Valentines Day. LOL, my mom keeps calling me up talking about 2012, I wish I had some insight to tell her other than, nothing world shattering is going to happen, but a change of atmosphere on some level, probably, then I realize I have no clue.
Anyway, hope your 2011 shaman esque inquiry is going well.

I should have been more careful like you said.

Everything good in your world MM?

Thanks for the k MM...yeah I'm going to be very careful....

Happy New Year gorgeous

I did know that actually..and my 19 yr old brain thought it was a great backround story for the name...lol..it..hindsight is 20/20