A New Beginning

wow, i just realized all my favourite people are in here
Welcome Roxy, it'll be 4 yrs for me too May 27- and I have some stff bubbling up all the time too, especially when I get under some stress and forget to "turn it over".
My husband and I are starting a little transformation of our own for spring- he is desperate to get back in the gym after so long out of it- he starts cardiac rehab this friday and they will tell him how heavy he can start to lift again...so we both took pictures of each other in skivvies and will be having fun doing this. For me, I have to remember not to put too much pressure on my self though, or I get all weird and competitive and obsessive. That can trigger some compulsive behaviour in me, so I have to keep it all funsies 'n stuff.
I like your analogy of the mountains too. I think those mountains just disappear though when I realize that the only thing that matters in the end is love. Everything else is just a distraction.
nefertiti. I really want to say that I am so sorry you are still dealing with this guy- can you get a restraining order? Just in case? He sounds creepy enough to go that extra step I think...It is better to err on the side of caution- and if he hit a hole in your wall that is still violent behaviour. And you are right, violence does escalate. I have unfortunately been in a physically abusive relationship before, and it is a cycle that you must stop by seeking outside help- try calling a local hotline/crisis line to see what resources are available in your area. ...I am sure your coworkers will also help you by screening your calls when they answer the phone. Document everything. Take your life back. I wish I could help you more...

jnevin,
Play the tape forward. Imagine if it was a real beer and then another, and another, etc, etc.
What happens then? Probably not good.

Seeing the shrink has been helpful so far. I haven't gotten into my drinking with him too much yet, just that I told him when I drink I go on a tear. Mostly sticking to stuff about my daughter and her mom, work, etc. My big stressors.

Also, non-alcoholic beer sucks ass.

Welcome Roxy.
I like your analagy of the mountains.
So true.
Remember, “If God got you to it, he’ll get you through it.”
Sounds like you might be over-thinking your program. Keep it simple.
I have the secret to staying sober: Don’t take that first drink.
Good luck on the contest and sobriety.
Feel free to PM me anytime.

Hi Everyone! I joined the group yesterday so thought I'd drop a little note. I had forgotten this group was here until looking at Trex's profile page. My story is a little different and yet very similar to many I've read on here and I will share more a bit later. June 21 will be my 4 yr mark. I've found myself in a rut, though, the last probably 6 months and I tend to do things to distract myself from the bigger issues, like joining a transformation contest. Sometimes it works, this time it isn't. I'm restless and generally unhappy with where my life is at and I know I need to do something to get out of the rut. I'm tired too. Mentally and emotionally tired. It takes a lot of work to put on the "happy face" and be the positive support as a mom and a person in the helping profession. It's probably back to therapy, which I've avoided because I've had extensive therapy but it's been a couple years and maybe I need a tune up. I don't know. I just thought this would be a great place to start. When I'm struggling, I isolate myself and so my support system is fairly limited at the moment.

I compare recovery to walking in a mountain range. You climb up that first mountain and it's terrifying but you make it and the view is amazing. Before long, you hit another mountain and it's a bit steeper and a little more challenging but the view is just that much better. Eventually, you'd like to get to that tallest peak and it may be the most difficult to get up but once you do, your view will be the best it's ever been and you will have that peace of mind of knowing you did it. You may stumble on a rock from time to time and may have a foot hanging off the edge periodically but you know you had to dig really deep to find the strength to get to that highest peak and you are no longer afraid of mountain climbing!

I'm standing at the bottom of that highest mountain. I have worked really hard and dealt with so much of my and it's almost like I've come full circle. I am back to the same issues that I think probably started my whole path of self destruction, only this time, I know what they are and I know why I feel the way I do. I just don't know how to deal with them...how to climb that highest peak, even though I've climbed all the others. Ironic when you think about it.

My goal is to have a plan for when this contest ends. I have 5 weeks left and I'm so far behind but still want to have a respectable finish so that will keep me distracted enough but I would like to have a direction in place for when that time comes. I just haven't decided what yet.

Thanks for "listening".

bbr,
the % of addicts who need help is the same % as "normies"
Talking to someone is never bad.
Just do it.
And good luck.

I think counselling would do me a lot of good too. The drinking is no longer an obsession but still, I have things I'm not comfortable discussing with my sponsor. To be honest, I'm not even sure what they are so I think a professional could help. I also feel like i'm in a bit of a rut and indecisive on which way to go to get out.

Nef... GHB - gamma hydroxybutyric - , bathtub, machete, wood chipper. Or sharks. Suck it up, have him come dive, drug him, put him in the water, chum, and let nature take its course. I'd be in prison for the rest of my life if someone had that kind of hold over me.

Congratulation bbr100!!!!!
nefertiti, I'm glad to hear you are doing this intensive outpatient. Best wishes for all that, just take it one day at a time...
And just because your ex didn't hit or threathen doesn't mean he can stock you. There must be a legal way to get rid of him.
Trex, good luck with the counselling.

thanks pick and trex! it's much appreciated. i remember my first couple of days and week without boozing/drugging thinking there was no way i could stop for good. I'm still that way, i guess. I can't think of never again. The cliché; one day at a time is so true.