A New Beginning

I don't know much about Facebook, I KNOW what it is, not how it works internally. If it was a big enough issue, I would think that they have a way to clear out all your personal info. that may be something that you want to investigate Nef, idk. I would think that they have this kind of situation daily, ex's and such, they prolly could give you some peace of mind about that. Thanks for deleting it, about what he wrote, to hell with him. (I cleaned that up). Do you have a protective order or anything Nef, or did you have one at one time? If you do, or can get one, I'd look into it. I know that they contain language that stops them from communicating with you on any level. I don't know your situation, so it may not be feasable. I DO know that getting an IP address is easy enough for the police.

Here is a great resource worth bookmarking.
Chapter 5, "How It Works" is a good intro into the 12 Steps
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

I was thinking about the AA slogans, and how they apply to my life.
For anyone who is curious, some of them are:
"But for the Grace of God"
"First Things First"
"Think Think Think"
"Live and Let Live"
"Easy Does It"
My favourite one is "Live and Let Live". Because if I get judgemental about how somebody else lives their life, then I am not paying enough attention to mine.
I have had major issues in the past with family members, and it was very easy to criticize them and then justify picking up a drink or drug to ease the pain that "they had caused me".
It is not easy, but I have established healthy boundaries, and it is up to me not to react or get sucked into drama.
I didn't know how to do that in the past-it is a learned behaviour for me, and every now and then, I still fall back into having expectations of people, and feeling disappointed when they don't live up to them.
Anybody else have opinions on the slogans?
feel free to refer to ones I haven't listed that are important to YOU

Sober....I deleted it...but facebook gives you a little preview of the message whether you want it or not, so I got the gist of it ("Hiding from me? tsk tsk"). The harm that can be done is he's a brilliant hacker and I'm scared he'll hack into my page and find out where I am and what I'm doing. Then he'll start showing up at my safe places, contacting my friends, etc. I went through a lot of trouble to hide myself from him on facebook, right down to not using my last name.

Trex, I've done OA, but with my work schedule it's just impossible to get to meetings. I work till 8 or 9 almost every night and on weekends I'm teaching scuba.

It wasn't a full relapse...but I did purge that one time and I did drink myself into a stupor so I could handle logging into my inbox and deleting that message. Thank god I am moving soon, but I'll be glancing over my shoulder for him till then.

something something something credited response, whatever tech-heads say. excellent post Trex. thank you for that....
take what you need and leave the rest, it's a great summary of experience and choices....

For anyone who needs help- if you think you might have a problem:
www.aa.org for help with your drinking
www.na.org for help with drugs
http://www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org for help with an eating disorder
www.oa.org for help with compulsive eating

for other 12 step groups which I haven't mentioned, there is a list of them at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_twelve-step_groups

AA has worked for me, I have not been to the other groups, but they are founded on the same basic principles of the 12 steps.

Nef, I am so glad you reached out to this board. I agree that an emergency plan is in order. Do you go to any 12 Step meetings for your ED? It helps to know we are not alone, and that other people are walking through the same situations, everyday. You know, I am going to go to an AA meeting and reconnect, come to think of it. I have been a little lazy lately. I have to remember that I can attend to inspire someone else as well as getting help myself, and give back, what we AA's call 12th stepping.
On another note, I randomly see my ex bf on the street in my town (who was physically abusive to me when I lived with him). The last time it happened, I had him charged, but could not prove the burden of proof or whatever the court needs to convict a repeat wifebeater.
I know what you are going through. I was as addicted to him, and to the violence, as I was to drugs/alcohol, and the sight of him just shakes me to the bone. For your own sake, I would just delete the email unread. Don't let him get back in your head. You can choose to not let him back in your head by not listening to what he says.
I have made it through the most ED up situations without drinking or drugging because I know that I cannot control circumstance. Only my Higher Power does, and it won't throw anything at me I cannot handle.
When I discovered my Higher Power, that's what made the difference between "not drinking/being an addict" and "living sober". I had no idea before that there was a power greater than myself, who i could tap into anytime, anyplace. All I do is say to myself "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

nef, Iknow by now that you have a system in place for these situations. Use it. In AA we'd get to a meeting, call our spoonsor, and friends in the program. I would hope that you have found some sort of sequence for you. I'm always glad that you come here and tell us, but I'd feel MUCH better if you had someone close at hand.
As far as the letter, just put everything in perspective. What possible damage can the guy do with words if you don't read them. Why hang on to the letter? Hit the delete button, get rid of that garbage. It's TOXIC! Just as if someone had found out where i lived and put a bottle of whiskey on my doorstep. I may get the 'OH 'S" when i see it, but what if i poured the thing down the drain, or called a friend and told them to come pick it up and never touch it. I'm just sayin, as one who is predisposed to panic attacks (you and I), I have to sit myself down, think about what is a real situation to panic and what isn't. If I do this, and put all situation into perspective, I see a way to best handle it.
Nef, none of this is new, you have handleded situations before and you'll do it again. if you have a plan, I suggest using it. Don't let fear, real or imagined, win.

Keep posting Nef, we're here....

Just ED up.

My ex found me on facebook somehow. The ex who was abusive and is largely responsible for my craziness and eating disorder. I haven't read the message he sent me but just seeing that I had one from him sent me into a panic attack and purge cycle. *snap* like that.

I'm feeling pretty ty right now and that message is sitting in my folder, looming, glaring at me silently. I have a feeling my acting out is not done for the night.

Neferiti, that sucks...I know that feeling too. With me it's about my mom being a mental case. She's BPD and a real handful.
I wish I could change her but I can't.
I feel helpless too when this stressful situation comes up and gets overwhelming. She makes all these suicide threats (has tried before) and just rages at everybody and can be so cruel.
I have to tell myself it's not about me!
It's definitely a daily battle, and sometimes the outside world can trigegr these stressful thoughts and feelings. Little things like traffic, line ups, phone calls.
Hang in there!!!
Life is not easy, but I'm going to do my best everyday.