A New Beginning

Found a sex addicts anonymous web page, for anyone who is interested:
http://saa-recovery.org/
there is a self assessment here to see if you qualify:
http://saa-recovery.org/IsSAAForYou/SelfAssessment/

Welcome SD, whether you are addicted to anything or are not, this is a good place to talk about stuff and get support. Like nefertiti said, nothing is going to get out on the main board.

Superdave, you are completely welcome. And in here I'm more comfortable being frank about my family member's troubles with it. Any questions you have here will stay here and never migrate to the main board. If you want to ask, I encourage you to do so. If you want to just read, I encourage that too.

I'll be out of town for a week, but when I get back I'll make a post about my family member who struggled with this.

Dont know if I should be here, but doesnt hurt to seek more info about (possible) sex addiction

Ricco, if I hadn't left him, I'm sure I'd be dead - by my own hand. Either bulimia or suicide.

Oh ricco, I am not going to drink/drug. I know how that tape goes. I got bit hard by negative consequences, and it's just not worth it. I know that because I am never going back to where I was when I hit my bottom-in the back of a police car. I got arrested for fraud/theft, and while the charges were ultimately dropped, i was humiliated, scared, and disgusted with myself for the year it took to wind its way through the court system. Nothing feels worse than realizing that you did all that for a drug, and that life would never be the same again. It was my first offense, and it went through diversion. I had to go to a theft prevention program, and i was already in rehab by then. I will never ever forget how it feels to realize that you turned into the kind of person you never thought you would be growing up. Like a real loser. That alone keeps me from even contemplating drinking or using drugs. I have a real strong negative association with it now

Congrats to both of you.
Sounds like both those people are just trying to manite you. Be strong.
Like sober1 said, play the tape forward.
Where would you wind up?
I’m willing to bet, not in a very good place.

Congratulations nefertiti, you were honest, and true to yourself. You are a real inspiration to me. I am going through sort of the same thing, except for today, i told my (toxic) mother that I was not going to take her cruelty and threats anymore. I told her that i loved her, but I wouldn't talk to her anymore. This was after she sent me a long angry email telling me how I ruined her life. I can't take that blaming anymore. I made mistakes when I was growing up, but I have moved on and tried to make my life better. And because she is unhappy she wants to pull me down like the crab in the bucket syndrome. Not anymore.

Just got a surprise call from my toxic ex. I was STUNNED at how within seconds of hearing his voice I burst into tears. What sickened me most is how much it hurt right to my core to hear his voice. I missed "him" so desperately in that moment. I put him in quotations because I didn't miss the manitive codependant head he became or was all along....but hearing his voice brought me back to the first glorious year of our relationship. Before he drove me into the arms of bulimia he was my first love. When things started getting nasty he had what I described to my father as "the perfect apology." He would express his sorrow at him behavior in the most amazing way that made it so easy to forgive him. In a way I was forgiving him in those moments to alleviate HIS "pain" and "grief" at how he had treated me. That's what he pulled on me tonight. "I'm sorry for every hurt I ever caused you. I'm sorry for all the bull I've pulled since we broke up. I'm completely ed up and I've been nothing but toxic to you. I want you to know I'll stay out of your life forever after this. You won't ever hear from me again. You deserve to be able to move on from this." I wanted so badly to melt into a puddle and tell him everything was ok. Instead, through the most embarrassing sobs of my life, I told him that I would never be able to move on completely and that every time I felt a twinge of guilt after eating it would be the mark he left on me, the tattoo he imprinted on my soul. I told him that if he was really trying to do the loving thing he never would have sent me a message on facebook, and he never would have made the call. That if he wanted me to be able to forget him, he'd stop finding ways to remind me.

I hate the heartbreak I'm feeling in my heart right now. But in a way it feels I'm an alcoholic who just had her drink of choice waved in front of her face and while I really really wanted it, I threw it back at the person offering it.

BBR, it's not the first time I've haerd you say that, it's cool brother. Your in no way alone in this line of thinking. That's EXACTLY why they include the chaper to the Agnostics, and make it VERY clear that you don't have to believe as I do. It's in there. But the BB does go on to say that you will have to have some things to stay sober, an open mind for one, and a willingness to go to any length to stay sober. That you can take that to the bank. There is one other thing that was found to happen to anyone who achieved TRUE sernity, not just be a dry drunk/ addict, they ALL found that at one point or another they experienced what the BB calls, a spiritual awakening. I've written my story before, it was VERY dramatic, I'll write it down again should anyone wants to hear it. For OB, it was'n like mine at all. We experienced the opposite ends of the spectrum. But seeing that it is written in the BB, I take it for the gosphel that you too, either have had or WILL have the experience as the BB says. Totally unique to you... and that's cool.

Keep posting BBR, I enjoy your posts and you one hell of a friend. Thanks for being here....