A New Beginning

There's a reason for the Anonymous part. Being 100% open with everyone imo would be a huge mistake!
Be selective with who you let know.

Also i've always been a super compulsive at keeping my self/physical image in tact, whether it's eating super strict, juicing, super hygenic, etc. I've always have gone over the top with it for a decade now and kind of denied it. Always just thought it was the 20's yo norm

The psych put me on 60mg Cymbalta a day for depression/mild OCD, it's been 3 weeks now. Also said to take a few weeks off exercising and let go of my self-image tendencies. So okay, i've been giving it a shot, my problem is now that I stopped working out for the last 3 weeks I eat like and let go of my physical appearance completely. So now it's alsmost like "yeah i'm less stressful, but i'm getting lazy and feeling like a ". It's making me depressed that i'm losing my shape that I busted my ass off for for months, hell years at that. The Cymbalta I think is giving me insomnia and no way i'm I going back on seroquel or any of that sleeping they gave me in rehab. I hate not being able to move in the morning, love waking up with energy. Hopefully this anti-d kicks in a few weeks or so, i'm giving it time and listening to the docs. It sucks but my way has never worked so what the hell

thanks for the linky to here Nef, I never realized there were groups on EF

So today I went to Verizon and had my number changed, letting go of friends won't be too hard for me. I kept my use hidden from everyone and don't really feel it's necessary to tell all my old associates i'm a dope fiend. Maybe for future career sake or them using it against me in the future, my parents and group (plus web folks) are the only ones I plan to keep it between.

Is this bad thinking or is it better to be 100% absolute open with everyone? Even though some will respect me even more for being open about being an addict, i'm afraid of some close family and friends losing respect. I don't want to be walking on glass around folks

That's why we're here.

thanks, look forward to venting ,listening and helping

Tiz, glad to see you in here.

trex, I'll look for that. I usually don't have trouble sleeping, but every now and then.
Nef, good choice. I think you recognized your addiction talking.
ortiz, glad you're around. Hang tough and thanks for the honesty.

good to find this place again guys
I'm still off the hard for now over 2.5 yrs
I still smoke herb though, can't hide from the truth

Progress!

I lifted late last night for like an hour....really busted it out. At the end, I had TONS of energy and was tempted to get in some cardio too.....

And I didn't. Part of my brain said, "This will be overkill. This will be unhealthy. You don't need to work out for two hours. You've done enough," and I actually listened to that voice.

Its called "Sleep Tea" (lol) and its under the brand name of Lorna Vanderhaeghe. It tastes like apples and cinnamon. I got it in a "Nature's Path" supplement store.
I did, however, wake up at 4:30 a.m. this morning, even after having the tea last night. At least it's only one hour lost.
I cannot take any pills, as I abused pills considerably for a number of years-downers too, so I can def see potential for abuse. I tried Benadryl a few times, but it gave me a headache in the morning.
Ativan? lol I OD'd on those before. Interesting fact: taking too many anxiety pills actually makes some people go all squirrelly and beserker. I had to be put in restraints and injected with Haldol for that fun evening. No way I'm taking those again.
Maybe I'll just see how it goes.