A New Beginning

jnevin,
This isn't meant as a judgement or criticism, but what did you get in the end?
Sore knuckles and a hangover. I realize it’s tough for your daughter, but I’m positive she would prefer a sober Dad.
Don’t drink today and go to a meeting.

Relapses can happen....for whatever reason. The important thing is not letting it turn into a spiral. What's done is done and now you have a clean slate because as trex said, it's a new day.

I can't even begin to comment on the situation with your daughter - I can imagine the anger you have, but even as far as I can stretch that imagination, I bet I'm not coming close to the reality. What worries me is that you say you are turning into someone you hate. I feel like that could snowball into "What the , I'm already a bad person, why not just drink?"

The AA prayer isn't about just letting life happen as it will...you can definitely control some things. You can control whether or not you take another drink. You can control the manner in which you deal with this. Others might disagree with me here but I support you getting information on the guy. But what you do with that information....I don't know. From a purely logical standpoint, striking back ruthlessly will leave you in a worse position. A short term win with long term repurcussions. Plus, that shame and remorse will eventually show their faces once the anger isn't masking it. The nev I've gotten to know....no matter how far you may be from him right now...has better sense. Whatever you do, do with your brain, not your emotions. Compromising yourself is only going to open doors to let that demon back in (as it already did...though please don't take that to mean I am coming down on you for it...I'm not). I don't want you to go down that path.

Jnevin, today is a new day. You can start fresh. Just for today, don't take a drink. Go to a meeting. Call somebody who is sober/ your sponsor. Be good to yourself.

that iggy. I've had the night to sleep on it, poorly as it was, and I'm almost as anno. I'll be honest with you... I could do without the hangover. I forgot how much these suck. Working out will be a c and I get to start that whole thing all over again.

jnev, even if the guy is a little prick you want to beat the out of, you're the better man for stepping away....

Well, here's my courage and maturity... I went there to pick her up after work and when I walked in The guy was sitting on the couch. I literally got so mad I couldn't talk and balled my hands into fists so tight I cut my palms with my fingernails. He's a good 6" taller than me and maybe only has 5 lbs on me (I'm a goonish 5'9" 210 lbs), and stood up to shake my hand. I slapped it away, told him to sit the down, and walked away to breathe for a minute. I came back and said "my issues aren't with you for the moment, but your being here while my daughter is and g (ex) can't be around yours is going to be one. I was/ am so angry my voice was shaky. It still is, and that was an hour ago. When I left her apartment, I punched the exit door to the building open and broke it, shredding my knuckles. I kind of impressed myself, but then tried to feel shame. I felt none, so still impressed. When I left with my daughter in my arms I told josh that we need to sit down and have an adult conversation about the entire situation. He was dismissive and said "sure bro", which was really what got me so ed I broke the door. Soooo.... I'll be getting his full name, will pull his divorce papers, which will have his family's info on there, and will let his wife know about his affair. Maybe. Or I'll use this to make the ex and him keep my daughter out of their whole thing. The whole AA prayer.. things I can't control part... there's things I can, and I will. I don't lose fights, and this one will be fantastic. I won't do anything until I find out about this DoD job, but once I do/ if I do, I'll be merciless. I realize I'm becoming everything I hate right now, but you with my family and me, you end your life as you know it.

I realize my thought process seems clouded. I relapsed tonight. In know it may sound stupid to you veterans, but having a clear mind would have gotten him hurt severley. This guy's 6'3" maybe, in good shape, probably pla sports, maybe football, but didn't have the "look" in his eyes that he's a fighter. Me... I'm 5'9", 210 lbs, trained in kung-fu for 7 years while I was the only white kid in a black neighborhood, and have a face with scars all over the place. Plus, my knuckles look like E.T. from what I've gotten into. All I can say is I define rage. It doesn't do how I feel in words to say the way I feel right now. I feel like I could torture innocent strangers to death in front of their families after i cut their eyelids off so they'd have to watch.

jnevin, well done. That took courage and maturity.
You should be proud of yourself.
Trex, remember that your HP removes or doesn’t. For example, if you’re stubborn. That can be both a destructive and/or protective defect. Just like anger. They can help or they can hinder.
That’s why we only “humbly ask him to remove our defects of character.”

jnevin, well done. That took courage and maturity.
You should be proud of yourself.
Trex, remember that your HP removes or doesn’t. For example, if you’re stubborn. That can be both a destructive and/or protective defect. Just like anger. They can help or they can hinder.
That’s why we only “humbly ask him to remove our defects of character.”

bbr100,
it helped me to think that my HP could remove my defects in the same way that the obsession to drink/use was lifted by him as well. Basically I think it is myself getting out of the way of what is best for me (what my HP wants for me).
My HP removes my defects, maybe not all at once, but bit by bit. I am not taking back my will, but more like I am putting the action behind the faith. Willingness and faith first, but I must take action as well. Example: Anger. I pray to have my anger lifted, and I also pray for those who have hurt me/angered me. End result is resentment lifts.

So when I picked my daughter up tonight I had a reasonably productive conversation with her. Basically calmly asking her about the guy and if she's been around his kids alone. I knew she hasn't. He said it's because his kids only know him to be in a relationship with their mom. I suggested that it was because he's getting a divorce and he doesn't want kids' honesty to let the cat out of the bag to their mom. I asked how that was reasonable on that end and how she felt justifying having our daughter around him. She said it was because Q has never seen us in a relationship and that "I don't know what they have" after a month of dating.

So anyway... As she kept getting heated I just sta calm and didn't take the bait. This enraged her and I got Q and left. She kept saying "mommy stop. be nice to daddy".

Then she called me crying saying she's a good person and I just kept saying "ok", not in a dismissive way. Just not wanting to continue. So I finally got anno with it all and said "you say you're a good person and you're running around with someone's husband and they have 3 kids together, one of which is 5 months old. you think this guy is all about a soilid relationship and worthy of being around our daughter, you come clean to her and let her know your intentions".

She hung up on me, called me back and said she wouldn't have him around Q while she's awake anymore. That's a burden off of my shoulders.