A New Beginning

Most cities and towns have alcohol-a-thons.
AA or NA meetings that go for 24 hrs.
Christmas is a tough time for us addicts.
Check into these meetings. Could be a life saver.
And Merry Christmas to all my sober friends.
Take care (I’m heading to Jamaica on Thur) and have a great holidays.

Cop friend ran the guy's name and didn't find anything, so as far as it all goes with my daughter I guess it's in the ex's court. Lately when I get there her sister is watching Q and the ex is at the guy's house, so I feel quite relaxed. One thing I think is ty on the guy's part... Cop friend dug deeper than I asked. I only wanted to know any criminal activity, specifically sex offenses. He pulled full public records and the guy hasn't filed a single thing regarding his divorce. I'll be keeping this to myself since it's none of my business, but what an .

And yeah sobi won kanobi, the holiday will be tough for me for sure. I have my daughter xmas eve, but xmas day it's all me. No family, no friends will be in town, no nothing. People from work are getting together but they'll all be drinking. I tried to find out what I had to do to volunteer at the hospital Q was born, but I had limited time and kept getting transferred.

" From my earliest recolection, I never did react normally to ANY emotional situation"

Unfortunately we don't generally intrinsically KNOW or care to recall what the correct response to emotional situations would be. Everyone else seems to have some "life manuel" for checking or reading when situations arise, we don't. That's why we have to consiously remember what the BB says about anger, resentment, fear, etc and move forward with supreme caution in ares where those emotions are going to come into play.
Trying to control the world to make it "fit" they way we think that it needs to has caused most of us tremendous anger, frustration, despair, and bewilderment. All we can do is try and realize that how we react nees to follow the AA prinls that we have tried to assimilate into our lives.

I wanted to write about the hollidays, a trying time for most of us. Unfortunately i have run out of time for now. I was thinking hollidays, food, family, kids etc. Speaking of food, anyone seen Nef? I may see if I can find her over in the other forum.. I'll be back soon.....

Good job jnevin, sounds like you were assertive and firm.

We have no control over how people think.
You did right and you even re-explained.
If they take it wrong, that's their .

Well done to an extent I guess. I used a couple of hypothetical examples when I was trying to get my point across and they both thought I was referring to them. I totally wasn't. I went out of my way to check my ego at ther door and be honest and fair. They had been drinking. They both had glasses of wine with almost nothing left in them and I didn't see a bottle anywhere. So when the ex came to get Q today she told me what I said wasn't appreciated. I was genuinely dumbfounded. That's when she told me about how they interpreted what I had said. I told her I was really sorry that they felt that way and that it wasn't my intent. That I used extreme examples to make a point and kept saying that it didn't apply to the specific situation, but the end result is waht I ultimately fear.

I know I did the right thing and I know it's all on them at this point. This is so frustrating.

Well done.
Now you can rest easy.

Well I talked to the guy tonight and it went well. It just reinforced to me how nuts and irrational the ex is. She was freaking out (body language) while I was talking to him, I guess thinking I was just going to put him through the wall and down the stairs. I was nice, went in with no chip on my shouilder, shook his hand, and just asked if it's cool if we talked for a sec. Got his full name and put it in my phone which seemed to intimidate him and made the ex squirm. I told him I could find out a lot about him in less than 24 hrs, but won't unless I need to. I gave my word on it and we talked about his being around Q. He wasn't comfortable being around her that first night and mentioned it to the ex. She was the one that pushed it. He said he fully respects my feelings about my daughter and who she's around and doesn't plan on being involved with her in any way unless their relationship actually turns into a relationship. I said that was good to hear and I'd just hope when it comes to her he'd think about what was going on same as he would when it came to his own kids. He was intimidated though. I didn't consciously try to set that tone aside from the shirt I wore. (It's xl but my chest, shoulders, and arms barely fit into it)

So we're on the same page and I feel decent about things.

jnevin: when you said, "Funny it took me getting to the end of my rope and ing up to be able to step back and see things clearly, but I guess this could be God working in a mysterious way". That completely reminded me of how I had to hit my bottom to start the process of getting sober. I had to experience deep pain in order to want better for myself. Definitely my Higher Power working in me.

I haven't picked up again. So I've decided to get all info I can, I'll even be getting the help of a certain resident stalker. When I have a sit down meeting with the guy I plan on speaking my mind, being very firm in what I tell him, and referencing his own kids and supposedly soon to be ex in a non-threatening way and leave it at that. The ex has called with attitude in her voice and I've just been nice and nonchalant. I could tell it grated on her nerves, and all that did was kind of bum me out that she was being like that instead of being happy it got a rise out of her. I've been documenting everything and am going to suggest going to mediation to really get a solid custody agreement set. Verbal won't do anymore. I'll keep things Joint but will push to be the primary parent and think I should be able to get it. especially if I get this DoD job I feel pretty decent about. I'll have provisions put in place that will both protect Qbacca and will hold us both accountable. I know she'll be ed when I push for the primary thing, but her behavior since before we split has been unacceptable from when she just stopped giving her breast milk without even talking to me about it all.

Funny it took me getting to the end of my rope and ing up to be able to step back and see things clearly, but I guess this could be God working in a mysterious way. On the job note, if I get it, I'll be working around the worst things mankind has ever created (aside from religion), and will be trained at Aberdeen Proving Grounds by military elite motherers on how to deal with disasters. This both frightens and excites me.

Also, don't relapse guys. That hurts when you don't do it daily. I swear to god, I drank well over a gallon of water and when I finally pee'd I'm reasonably sure it was Tang. I smelled the beer cans in my trash and ralphed instantly. No hint it was coming.