A New Beginning

Thanks, I kind of needed to hear that...I had like 4 nightmares in a row last night, and i realized that a lot of my fears are just boogiemen, not really real in my life right now...I just need to be brave.

I'm happy to hear about your hubby trex. I wouldn't beat myself over the pills if I were you. You know what you need to do and what you want to do. You know you just need to keep focused on what's important.

My husband is still not home- he has been in the hospital for a month now...maybe next week they say. At least he has a new heart, and a new life, and is not dying anymore, I just miss him so much...the last few days are hard. I am so grateful though, so thankful he got a heart so soon...
I still feel residual fear and worry, I have to get over these feelings!

well i decided that those pills the dr. prescribed at the end of January are ridiculous and i don't need them. i double dosed on the ativan almost every night, and ran out early, which is leading me to think that it was actually a relapse, and not really a necessary prescription. I think I tricked myself into being sketchy. The trazodone (which was given to me for sleeping, not for depression) i just stopped on my own day before yesterday because i was starting to feel not like myself, and kind of extra anxious and fearful, which I do not need right now. I think there is rebound anxiety with that junk. Its my own fault for going to see a doctor, and not just toughing it out. I kind of have a hazy feeling about the last two weeks too, which reminds me of that old crazy feeling.
I'm not happy about this, but I'll just live and learn that I just can't take pills period, no matter how sleepless/fretful/sad/emotionally upset I get, I have to deal with it totally sober.

I do qualify for it and am waiting to hear back from someone so I can get my first appointment set up. I was hoping to have heard back already, but whatever.

jnev, did you get into that university study? Therapy over meds sounds good. I always preferred self-medication.
I'm the same way with regard to the fear of unknown (amongst many other fears). There must be some even crazier in me than what i've acknowledged so far. So far, most if not all felt less heavy after i got it out there.

Hello everybody.
Back from my Kansas trip. They had a blizzard. We Canadians call it winter.
Hope everybody is well. Welcome Cindy.
If you think you should be here, you're in the right place.

yikes. lol

jnevin, i used to think the same thing, that i would go insane if i acknowledged all the hurt. You don't have to do everything in one day, just take it with baby steps, one day at a time.

nefertiti, I'm glad you are going for the long-term, I found it was the best thing for me. A week might just scratch the surface.
The main thing is, you are not alone. When you go inpatient, you ralize how many people there are who are just as scared, just as angry, and just as f**ed up. And that there is hope for recovery.